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I think my main goal for attending therapy is to understand why the same patterns keep repeating in my life, what my contribution to these patterns/repeated relationship failures is based on my 'conditionning' resulting from my childhood traumas.
Coming from a very dysfunctional, abusive and toxic family, I acknowledge the fact that dysfunctionality seems to be something that followed me in my relationships up until recently. It was 'normal' for me since I didn't experience any other type of dynamic. However, I need to understand why I found myself facing these repeated patterns and what I can do differently to enhance the quality of my relationships.
This therapy session is not made for me to say 'I'm a victim' and everyone is to blame. It's not about anyone but me. I reached a point where I could no longer continue getting into dynamics that are plain toxic. I'm seeking for a way to build better relationships by fixing my own set of issues.
Therapists do not have a magic wand, but the sole fact that I will get to speak to someone about things I've never spoken about to anyone else (except my former therapist) will allow me to exteriorize my pain, get an objective perspective on my circumstances and a fair critical point of view void of any personal judgment.
I looked into CBT, but it seemed like a 'trend' to me. I'm not sure of the effectiveness of this method. I'm just sticking to regular psychotherapy for now and we'll see what happens!
CBT is largely popular because it's very evidence-based, and does have a solid track record of effectiveness. It may or may not fit your issues, but practitioners can help with narrowing down approaches and methods that may suit you. Consider reading about family systems therapy; although it is generally designed as couples therapy and family therapy vs. Individual, the theory behind it may speak to you, since you acknowledge the role multigenerational family issues have in shaping how you approach relationships. You may find it helpful to read up on.
I think my main goal for attending therapy is to understand why the same patterns keep repeating in my life, what my contribution to these patterns/repeated relationship failures is based on my 'conditionning' resulting from my childhood traumas.
Coming from a very dysfunctional, abusive and toxic family, I acknowledge the fact that dysfunctionality seems to be something that followed me in my relationships up until recently. It was 'normal' for me since I didn't experience any other type of dynamic. However, I need to understand why I found myself facing these repeated patterns and what I can do differently to enhance the quality of my relationships.
This therapy session is not made for me to say 'I'm a victim' and everyone is to blame. It's not about anyone but me. I reached a point where I could no longer continue getting into dynamics that are plain toxic. I'm seeking for a way to build better relationships by fixing my own set of issues.
Therapists do not have a magic wand, but the sole fact that I will get to speak to someone about things I've never spoken about to anyone else (except my former therapist) will allow me to exteriorize my pain, get an objective perspective on my circumstances and a fair critical point of view void of any personal judgment.
I looked into CBT, but it seemed like a 'trend' to me. I'm not sure of the effectiveness of this method. I'm just sticking to regular psychotherapy for now and we'll see what happens!
I did well with "regular" psychotherapy, but when my teenaged daughter started experiencing the OCD stuff I had hidden because I thought I was just weird and didn't understand was OCD until I was in my 40s, I found a therapist for her who did CBT, and it was a very helpful treatment for her without meds. By the time I sought treatment, I really needed meds to quiet my mind enough to work through all those decades of bad choices, self-sabotage, and choosing bad relationships because those were the only types in which I knew how to function. I eventually weaned off the meds. The intrusive thoughts and other OCD stuff are still there in the background, but now I know what it is and it's more annoying than anything.
Meanwhile, psychotherapy taught me some astonishing things I never knew before. It's not my job to fix other people, particularly alcoholics. I'm allowed to do things just for myself and enjoy things I want to do without needing someone else's permission. It's not ok for other people to take things that belong to me. Everything that's said to me is not a criticism. Crying when I am sad is OK and not something that should bring on deep shame.
Amazing, but true.
Good luck to you. Keep at it, and you will come out stronger than before.
I don't think therapy is 'being ridiculed' by someone. At least, I will have someone who can listen to my past trauma story and help me overcome my issues.
I didn't understand that, either. Where did he get "ridiculed" from?
CBT is largely popular because it's very evidence-based, and does have a solid track record of effectiveness. It may or may not fit your issues, but practitioners can help with narrowing down approaches and methods that may suit you. Consider reading about family systems therapy; although it is generally designed as couples therapy and family therapy vs. Individual, the theory behind it may speak to you, since you acknowledge the role multigenerational family issues have in shaping how you approach relationships. You may find it helpful to read up on.
Yes, systems theory is interesting. One of the other writers in my workshop who was a psychologist (there is always one mental health professional in every nonfiction workshop lol) did her workshop piece on systems theory. Although she was writing for a professional audience, we encouraged her to consider a version for the general public. It made so much sense, and ever since I read her paper, I can see it so clearly.
I don't think therapy is 'being ridiculed' by someone. At least, I will have someone who can listen to my past trauma story and help me overcome my issues.
Instead of analyzing what you wrote in the post that I quoted. i will make it easy for you. Why can't you see yourself as a victim? You are the product of a toxic family and toxic environment. For someone to make it to therapy is an expensive endeavor. You obviously pay good money for therapy. Instead of talking as if you are an apologist for your own life. Why not say the hand you were dealt in life was unfair but you did the best you could. Why not remind those in your family, friends or inner circle of how they made your life difficult and dragged you down throughout your life.
I think if you quit therapy you would revert back to your learned behavior without the organized structure the therapeutic environment provides.
[b]Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
I think my main goal for attending therapy is to understand why the same patterns keep repeating in my life, what my contribution to these patterns/repeated relationship failures is based on my 'conditionning' resulting from my childhood traumas.
Humans are creatures of habit and the goal of psychotherapy is to break those habits. This comes through self awareness and repetition of reminding oneself of their own personal behavior and conduct. You need an open mind but many of the skills, coping strategies and life lessons they attempt to infuse in patients simply do not work in the real world.
Since 1980 - girlfriend you need to get out of it. I thought Therapist was short term fix not life long partner
Off and on since 1980 actually. I found a wonderful therapist in 2008 and have stuck with her as I am having issues with my only child.
If you find a good therapist - stick with them if you can. I am blessed to have wonderful insurance who believes mental health issues need to be addressed. They do not punish you.
No offense, I am not your girlfriend. Intelligent people seek help. Always remember that.
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Intelligent people seek help. Always remember that.
