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I am feeling that pressure and insecurity of still being single at this age.
I am turning 30 soon and this feels like the end game. Don't want to be one of those guys in their 40s who are unmarried and bumming around living like someone in their early 20s. In my 20s I can dick around and make the excuse like I am working on my career, but now this is the age to get married, have kids, get a house etc... Literally everyone in my family is in a relationship even my younger sister so it makes me feel insecure when I go out to family events and everyone has someone. I usually just end up hanging around with the little kids because it feels weird when the couples are chatting away with each other. I get asked have I met anyone and have to think of a response so that I don't feel like a loser. Also I know how my relatives are and they tend to gossip a lot so I know they are talking about me behind my back. I am already thinking about it and when I hear other people thinking about it too makes me more insecure. I got tired of this insecurity and it was one of the motivating factors for me to move far away from home and essentially disappear. I am always "busy" and can't go to any family events. One reason I moved far away was for work, but also to get away. To be free in a sense, free from judgment, free fro being reminded that I am a loser in a sense. I mean its one thing if I am happy being single, but I want to start a family, have kids, have a house. I feel lonely.
I remember my older brother was in his early 30s and my older relatives were talking so much trash about him. They even said that he must be gay. Most of my friends who are in relationships or married have faded out of my life. So you lose that support network that you once had when you were young and no longer get invited to hang outs. Its like the couples hang out now. Its a very lonely road.
One girl I was hanging out with is known to be blunt was like "you are 29 and you aren't married?" I'm like in cali its not that weird to still be single at this age. Then she was like "yeah but do you even have any prospects?" Ouch that hurt a bit.
When I was younger I used to think everyone eventually finds someone, get loved for who they are, they get married and its happily ever after. But nope that is not the case.
People say work on yourself and the right one comes a long. I have. I have a decent paying career, college educated, I work out a lot (feel like I need to work out much harder now use this as motivation), I have been told by other women that I am good looking, i have a chill/laid back personality, easy to talk to, I dress decently, but not good enough I guess. Its a huge insecurity of mines not going to lie.
I don't want to marry someone just cause. I would like to find a decent girl and yes I have used dating apps. Not much luck. The decent girls are hard to get for me and the less than stellar options they play games a lot too. Lots of flakes, no responses, get ghosted etc... I know a lot of people who end up marrying a foreign women and bringing them back to the states.
Finding someone is very tough for a lot of single guys. I don't know the solution.
It's all about increasing the odds. You mentioned you used dating apps. I'm not too familiar with those but there must be some that attract more mature people looking for long term relationships rather than short flings. Overseas is another option. In this day and age it's never been easier. I've seen some of those marriages that worked out and some that didn't work out. All I know is that if you don't meet people you'll never find anyone.
Have you considered putting in your ad that you're looking for love, marriage and a family. This way you can weed out the ladies who are just looking for fun.
Where do you live that you are experiencing all this pressure at 29? I think the median age for men at first marriage is 30, which means that half of men get married when they are older than 30. Some families do have people get married early, but that isn’t necessarily indicative of the entire population. My BIL got married at 29 and his family acted like he was ancient.
Do the things that you love......movies? theater? sports? bicycling? hiking? whatever....and just engage with the people who share your enjoyment of that activity. You are bound to meet a woman who shares your interests and a friendship may grow into a romance. Don't worry about what other people think of you being single at 30. Seriously.
Do the things that you love......movies? theater? sports? bicycling? hiking? whatever....and just engage with the people who share your enjoyment of that activity. You are bound to meet a woman who shares your interests and a friendship may grow into a romance. Don't worry about what other people think of you being single at 30. Seriously.
^^^This.
Your dating options are not limited to only online dating or meeting a woman from overseas. OLD didn't exist 30 years ago yet people managed to meet and form relationships. They didn't do it by sitting passively on a computer/cell phone scrolling through faces.
Quote:
have a decent paying career, college educated, I work out a lot (feel like I need to work out much harder now use this as motivation), I have been told by other women that I am good looking, i have a chill/laid back personality, easy to talk to, I dress decently
These are important things when put together as a package. Not to sound awful about it, but a decent paying job and nice looking aren't anything extraordinary, but more importantly they don't tell us anything about you as a person.
Pandemic aside, IMO you need to get out and meet people. What are your interests and hobbies and would any of them put you in an environment to meet women?
Taking another angle at this: You'd increase your odds a great deal if you stopped worrying so much about what other people thought of you. That's a huge turn-off.
"...so I know they are talking about me behind my back..."
This type of thinking floats to the surface in many ways - women notice - men notice.
Be confident in yourself. Do not try to find a date. Try to become confident. Then the date will find you.
Hey OP, what is your opinion on other people who are single after their 30s? do you criticize them? do you find they are lacking something? or is it maybe part luck that they haven't found their match YET?
There is all kinds of social pressure to be something, to do something, but the truth is the only one who needs to be ok with your situation is yourself. You are single and it is fine. Maybe it is sometimes more fun to be with someone in a relationship, but it doesn't need to be bad to be single. There are so many things you can do, explore new things, work on the parts of yourself that you don't particularly like, even small things like cooking or keeping up with the chores in your house. Or having fun with friends. You cannot force a relationship - when it comes, it comes, and the more you have accepted and gotten to like yourself how you are, the better the chances to keep that relationship.
I had a lot of pressure to be stable in my professional environment, and that worked against me somehow. I would avoid trying things cause I always had a very specific idea of how i have to live. After I tossed that picture aside, it became easier for me to enjoy the things and the people that I have in my life. Good luck and enjoy yourself!
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You want a woman that's looking to start a family ? 
The fishin's pretty good when using the right bait. 
