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I can't be perfect and always say and do the right things. So when a bully gets angry at me, I can always think of something I did wrong that might have caused it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
Every time I was the target of anger and unfairness, I tried to see how it might be my fault.
Do you not see that you blame yourself for others bad behavior ???
You seem to excuse the abusive habits of others and think you can do things to cure them.
That has to change if you want peace in your life. You really don't have to learn to fight back.
Let your feet do the talking by walking away from these people permanently. If you can't do that
get a therapist to help you.
This is at least part of the reason our society is so fragmented. People decided they couldn't tolerate their mother-in-laws, or their cousins, so they stopped socializing with them. They didn't like their neighbors. Then they decided their brothers and sisters were too difficult, maybe even their parents.
Hey, no problem, there is always your iPhone and your video games! Who needs friends or relatives anymore.
Actually all you have to do is stand up to your family members and friends.
And by stand up I mean don't "feel" bullied. Have a conversation - figure it out among yourselves. How can anyone else MAKE YOU do something?
How about saying "NOPE".
THAT is the challenge for you.
All this other stuff is just noise.
Another PROTIP: If you don't want to argue then just don't argue. That doesn't mean you can't state your position on something and stick to it unless some GOOD explanation is revealed.
Actually all you have to do is stand up to your family members and friends.
And by stand up I mean don't "feel" bullied. Have a conversation - figure it out among yourselves. How can anyone else MAKE YOU do something?
How about saying "NOPE".
THAT is the challenge for you.
All this other stuff is just noise.
Another PROTIP: If you don't want to argue then just don't argue. That doesn't mean you can't state your position on something and stick to it unless some GOOD explanation is revealed.
Those tips may work with reasonable calm people but they don't work with people with anger issues that
rage and yell.
Those tips may work with reasonable calm people but they don't work with people with anger issues that
rage and yell.
You can turn around and walk away. Plus, she has only given one example of anger as the bullying she has experienced. She considers not being believed as being bullied.
Being bullied is really a state of mind as someone up thread alluded to. You can act like a bully to me, and I will stand there, stare at you and shrug my shoulders. It won't change anything I'm going to do, think, or say.
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You can turn around and walk away. Plus, she has only given one example of anger as the bullying she has experienced. She considers not being believed as being bullied.
Being bullied is really a state of mind as someone up thread alluded to. You can act like a bully to me, and I will stand there, stare at you and shrug my shoulders. It won't change anything I'm going to do, think, or say.
She said her mother and her Ex both raged at her as well as Wacko.
I agree it's helpful to learn to ignore what you can, but sometimes not being around that
person is the wisest decision.
You can turn around and walk away. Plus, she has only given one example of anger as the bullying she has experienced. She considers not being believed as being bullied.
Being bullied is really a state of mind as someone up thread alluded to. You can act like a bully to me, and I will stand there, stare at you and shrug my shoulders. It won't change anything I'm going to do, think, or say.
I never said not being believed is being bullied.
It is hard to know what people mean by words like "bullying." I think it means when someone does not respect you, tries to dominate you, or tries to get rid of you.
In some contexts, people do have a right to dominate others. Parents and young children, bosses and employees, etc. But it can be done with kindness and respect
A bully tries to dominate and control, without any respect or consideration. He wants to get you out of his life, or to obey his will about something.
I want to Wacko's house tonight to practice. But first he wanted to get things all straightened out regarding the problems we had recently. His goal was to convince me it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't being irrational and angry, etc.
I insisted that he was very much out of line, because he had sent an email to me and to Kyle, complaining about me in a way that seemed nasty. (I could not tell him Kyle had written to me and had been shocked by it, because Kyle asked me not to).
I wanted to be careful, and give Wacko a chance to justify himself. I never think I am 100% right -- no one is. I wanted to consider that maybe Wacko had a point.
The thing that set Wacko off last week was that I made a comment about the stock market, which he disagreed with. He said it was doing great because of Trump. I said there are many factors and no one can completely understand or predict it. I said it can't just be because of Trump.
I more or less sympathize with Trump supporters, and I am more or less conservative. So it's not like I had any extreme disagreement with Wacko (he voted for Trump and he is very Republican).
But Wacko had worked for a while as a financial advisor, and therefore considers himself an expert on the economy. Since I never worked as a financial advisor, Wacko thinks I should not be allowed to express an opinion on the stock market.
I asked if he would blame Trump if the stock market went down (this was last week, before it actually did go down). Wacko said no, he would not blame Trump if it went down, that would be a natural business cycle.
Anyway, he was obviously being irrational, and I gave up.
This kind of thing has happened before. He gets aggravated if I express an opinion about health because I am not a medical doctor.
So I told him I understand he has a problem with this, and I can try to avoid expressing opinions on things where I am not officially an expert. I know, it's really stupid to have to promise something like that.
He says he and his wife never argue at all, never disagree with each other. He wanted me to think it's my fault, and that I am the only person he doesn't get along with.
Right now, I feel like either Wacko is crazy or I am.
Wacko has actually been angry at me for other things, not just for expressing opinions on things I am not officially an expert on. Sometimes really stupid little things.
So how come he gets along perfectly with his wife? If he had a real anger problem, he would get angry at her also. And is it possible to be married over 10 years and never have an argument? Or does it sound like he was lying?
Although actually, come to think of it, bullies get along great with some people, and only target certain ones.
But WHY would Wacko target me, when he VERY MUCH wants to play music with me? He does NOT want me to go find someone else to play with. So it makes no sense that he would give me a hard time.
So I wonder if somehow it could be partly my fault. And that is how I wind up not knowing what to do.
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