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How can you learn patience and courtesy from a person who has none?
I'll admit, it's very difficult and I am certainly not a good example, seems like more so than not, b/c of contrary posters, I come in with a chip on my shoulder...waiting for someone to swoop down and dig in their claws....but, it's certainly not the way to be.
I've also heard that on other forums it's worse...and believe it, b/c when I see a new poster come into CD anymore, and they right away dig in with personal insults and being disruptive, you've gotta know they come from other forums....
It didn't used to be like this years ago, oh yeah, you had some, but not to the degree it is now....
I treat it all like for me, it's a personal lesson to learn, and continually try to remain calm and collected, and have learned with the help from others, that those who are trying to get your threads shut down, will continually challenge you, pretending not to understand your posts. So you repeat over and over again...I've learned to just ignore those posts and move on...allowing others their perspectives...but yes, elyn, it's very difficult at times....
I'll admit, it's very difficult and I am certainly not a good example, seems like more so than not, b/c of contrary posters, I come in with a chip on my shoulder...waiting for someone to swoop down and dig in their claws....but, it's certainly not the way to be.
I've also heard that on other forums it's worse...and believe it, b/c when I see a new poster come into CD anymore, and they right away dig in with personal insults and being disruptive, you've gotta know they come from other forums....
It didn't used to be like this years ago, oh yeah, you had some, but not to the degree it is now....
I treat it all like for me, it's a personal lesson to learn, and continually try to remain calm and collected, and have learned with the help from others, that those who are trying to get your threads shut down, will continually challenge you, pretending not to understand your posts. So you repeat over and over again...I've learned to just ignore those posts and move on...allowing others their perspectives...but yes, elyn, it's very difficult at times....
I finally had to start avoiding threads where I knew there'd be lots of animosity between posters. Politics etc I review but rarely comment, not enjoying debating issues like some thrive on. I come to CD to learn, share, enjoy others, laugh. Don't need snide comments or outright mean behavior. Too much of that out in real life.
Mostly I just ignore most perspectives I don't agree with, to keep myself calm and relaxed. Or I confront but in a non threatening manner.
How can you learn patience and courtesy from a person who has none?
I don't believe you learn it from "that" person(s) but on your own. Knowing strongly how one feels about a subject is a huge start. I have some strong opinions but I don't come here to debate those who do...and I could name a couple for sure.
I don't believe you learn it from "that" person(s) but on your own. Knowing strongly how one feels about a subject is a huge start. I have some strong opinions but I don't come here to debate those who do...and I could name a couple for sure.
This is a discussion board. If the discussions you find yourself in are repeatedly bothering you to the extent you describe, perhaps the blogging feature (here or elsewhere) is a better choice?
I'm not speaking for everyone...just myself, but sometimes, people post their opinions as if they're facts. I'll challenge sometimes, when I see that happen.
Also, sometimes, it seems to me, that people want to be able to say what they want to say, even if it's outrageous, or wrong, or controversial, and consider anyone who challenges them as being mean and bullies.
Just my observation.
I agree totally. Some folks make ridiculous threads as facts, with zero evidence, and must be held accountable. Other folks make threads on impulse and without much thought, so the first poster is able to slice through the argument very easily.
My point is simply more folks might want to supply their original thread with evidence/source so we can see the context of where they are coming from. Obviously this is not speaking for everyone or for every thread, just some.
As we know, discussions and debates are 100% natural and is the entire point of the thread. Personally, I always supplement my original post with a source so folks understand my context. If I say "the poor in America have it good" I'm definitely going to post statistics to back up that statement, for example.
I agree totally. Some folks make ridiculous threads as facts, with zero evidence, and must be held accountable. Other folks make threads on impulse and without much thought, so the first poster is able to slice through the argument very easily.
My point is simply more folks might want to supply their original thread with evidence/source so we can see the context of where they are coming from. Obviously this is not speaking for everyone or for every thread, just some.
As we know, discussions and debates are 100% natural and is the entire point of the thread. Personally, I always supplement my original post with a source so folks understand my context. If I say "the poor in America have it good" I'm definitely going to post statistics to back up that statement, for example.
+1.
If you disagree with them, you are called "mean/bullies" & then they run to this thread to boo boo about how everyone is being mean to them. It's like grade school. Those same people never look within either...it's ALWAYS everyone else.
People are going to disagree. Its a message board. People are going to say things you don't like. It's ok. People take stuff wayyyy toooo seriously.
If you disagree with them, you are called "mean/bullies" & then they run to this thread to boo boo about how everyone is being mean to them. It's like grade school. Those same people never look within either...it's ALWAYS everyone else.
People are going to disagree. Its a message board. People are going to say things you don't like. It's ok. People take stuff wayyyy toooo seriously.
Especially old ladies on C-D...maybe that old lady is going to be 100....talk about the great antioxidant and what it has been doing. Good thing I can find humor in so much on these groups.
What frustrates me about internet forums is that professionals like lawyers and therapists seem to avoid sharing their advice on Internet forums. I know that they have better things to do than get in arguments with anonymous people on the Internet for free when they are charging their loyal clients a lot of money. When the Internet started, I viewed it as a magical vending machine that provided anything you wanted for free. You can could get advice and support from people for all over the world for free.
I quickly learned the hard way that professionals don't post on the Internet for free. Instead, it's a bunch of anonymous people arguing and debating with each other. You can defend these debaters if they were arguing about the best way to support and coach people on the Internet. In reality, it's just a bunch of people debating meaningless topics like 80% of women dating the top 20% of guys.
It's like attending a seminar and bringing your pen and notepad expecting a bunch of experts to lecture on important topics. Instead, it's just a bunch of randoms arguing with other and complaining about the same things over and over again. These people don't know all that much about the topic more than you. A lot of these forums are glorified support groups. What's crazier is when these randoms start arguing with you when you expected them to be non-judgemental therapists. I don't understand why you guys care about poking holes in people's arguments. I thought you guys are the experts that are supposed to be our life coaches/therapists that can provide us with the support and training that we need.
You can tell the difference in forums that offer advice about legal topics. When lawyers post about legal topics, they are calm and objective. On the other hand, most of the online people who offer legal advice are snarky and combative.
The reason why some of us complain about "mean" behavior is that we would actually like to get some meaningful help and information from other people from the Internet without getting ripped a new one.
Regarding another thing, do you know that American football coaches Bill Belichek and Nick Saban have disciplinarian management styles? They hold people accountable and don't have any problems treating their players harshly. You can defend these guy's management styles because they are great at coaching their players the skills and mindsets to be successful. On the other hand, you do have a lot of "mean" online people who think that they are correcting people when they are really disrespecting people without teaching anything of value positive.
I'm reminded of a couple of guys from another forum. They disrespected people online all the time. However, they never bothered to share their wisdom by discussing parts of their personal lives.
Something occurred to me today, a good handful of those who attack just about everything I say/post, always have something negative to say about my info, NEVER offer anything of interest for others to chew on. I'm not clear on the definition of troll, but that word comes to mind when I see them print something.
yanno, I thought about this post of yours, and concluded, (which might give you some food for thought) There are a whole lot of people out there who come into CD to simply read and never post...b/c they are afraid, therefore, I'm sure your post are more valuable to others than you think....
If you disagree with them, you are called "mean/bullies" & then they run to this thread to boo boo about how everyone is being mean to them. It's like grade school. Those same people never look within either...it's ALWAYS everyone else.
People are going to disagree. Its a message board. People are going to say things you don't like. It's ok. People take stuff wayyyy toooo seriously.
Might be, or is it perhaps a disease that is infiltrating our society....it wouldn't hurt for all of us to consider the feelings of others...and stop with the snarky comments...we then might have others come into post, who normally only read and are afraid to post, due to fear of being publicaly humiliated....
How many times do you see the one liner trolls...they disagree, and instead of offering their views, they leave one line zingers that I'm guessing are designed to make you believe your posts are worthless.
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