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You're way off. Everything depends on the individual. Some women are very spontaneous. Some guys are reactive. Humans are a mixed bag. This is not something that goes by gender. It's too bad you haven't been with any, or hardly any, spontaneous women in that area of life.
Maybe women with low sex drives are primarily reactive. Women with healthy sex drives are both reactive and spontaneous.
Try not to fall into the trap of generalizing because you will inevitably read some woman wrong who doesn't fall neatly into your theories. In my experience, too many men are looking for a paint-by-the-numbers approach to understanding women. They get locked into a set of ideas and never change.
And God, that's a surefire way to be a boring man.
Not with me. Those all sound like weird times to get turned on. If the guy isn't a passionate man he will seek all this nonsense. Just try to be passionate and not over think when somebody is turned on. Have you been with a female before?
OP actually makes sense from a biological-survival perspective.
Angry males must be placated, and submission is a classic strategy to avoid or head off danger.
Off course it's a generalization, but that's a valid tool of reasoning, which allows for many exceptions.
And one would think that this hypothesis would hold true mainly for straight women.
But maybe not, especially if it's a peculiarly female response.
Hmmm.
Maybe women with low sex drives are primarily reactive. Women with healthy sex drives are both reactive and spontaneous.
Try not to fall into the trap of generalizing because you will inevitably read some woman wrong who doesn't fall neatly into your theories. In my experience, too many men are looking for a paint-by-the-numbers approach to understanding women. They get locked into a set of ideas and never change.
And God, that's a surefire way to be a boring man.
Great insight! The OP is married and, IMO, what you say about getting locked into a set of ideals seems quite applicable. His posting history shows a person who seems lost and idealizing how he thinks things should go.
I have read (and experienced in my own relationships) that women sometimes get in the mood for sex after the guy either:
1) Shows he's upset about something she did (and it's justified)
2) Stands up for himself.
I know this doesn't apply to all women. I know this doesn't happen in all relationships.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but women seem to be more "reactive" when it comes to sex while men are more "spontaneous."
In other words, women get aroused as a response to their partner's behavior -- whether that be surprising them with a candlelight dinner or engaging in foreplay.
Yes, I know this can work on men as well, but guys are visual creatures, and all it usually takes for them to get in the mood is to see their partner naked.
That being said, if women really are more "reactive," could this not explain why they might be more susceptible to changes in their partner's behavior?
I've read that women can especially get in the mood under these circumstances:
1. He gets mad at her and is justified in doing so: She may want to have sex because she doesn't want him to be upset with her. She wants to make things better and feel closer to him.
2. He stands up for himself: She gets turned on by his boldness/self-confidence. He stands up for what he believes in, exuding a great deal of masculine energy in the process.
Is there truth to any this, or are they old wives' tales? Ladies, please weigh in.
Not in my experience and there is also a major cultural difference as well as with different generations.
“cultural relativism is the most glaring sign that the lion's share of our sexual ethics is arbitrary, given that our intuitive feeling of what’s “normal” and “deviant” hinges largely on our cultural indoctrination”.
I would say that I consented to sex with my ex-husband under both sets of circumstances you described. It wasn't because I was turned on or I wanted to, though. I was faking it to shut him up because he'd just spent the last hour(s) lecturing me about my deficiencies as his wife. In my head and behind his back, I referred to it as "husband maintenance." The squeaky wheel was getting the grease.
It is interesting that in the #metoo moment that so many women are talking about their sexual experiences and their behavior. In that we've talked about "enthusiastic consent", but then the other side of the coin is that more women than you'd think talk about having sex that they didn't really want to have because rocking the boat or saying no would have lead to greater issues. And it's not that it was necessarily abusive or coerced or bad sex, but more that it was easier to do it than to not do it.
The OP, coming from a male perspective, has probably never had sex he didn't want to have. You do hear that a lot from some men, that all sex is good and they're ready to go at any time. It might be more complicated for women, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy sex, it just means that an unsolicited dick pic doesn't turn their crank at all.
It wasn't because I was turned on or I wanted to, though. I was faking it to shut him up because he'd just spent the last hour(s) lecturing me about my deficiencies as his wife.
I had to laugh at this one! There's one BIG difference between women and men. Women can fake it, men can't!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
If you actually want to understand the psychology of female sexuality, I highly, HIGHLY recommend a book called, "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski.
Thanks! I just reserved it at 3 of my 4 libraries, several waiting per copy at all of them, and I recommended it for purchase at the last library. I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman, and my novel will fail if I can't get into female thinking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
you could try being, in a relationship, on the same TEAM as your partner. It's far better when we're reacting to enjoyable stimulation from a loving partner
That's my style. If working together doesn't work then I don't want the relationship.
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