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You sound like me a few years ago. First thing is see a psychiatrist to get your anger and insomnia under control. I messed around with regular doctors and they all give you Ambien which affects my memory and is hard to get off. My PDOC gave me something that now allows me to sleep 7-10 hours a day and not feel drugged in the morning. I take Wellbutrin for anxiety and anger issues. Once I got all of the things you mentioned under control I found that I was actually sleep deprived all that time and that causes lots of problems.
I am blessed with a good owner of our company that appreciates me. Been together for almost 30 years with her office next to mine. What I did was tell my boss that I was burnt out and wanted to retire gradually. I also wanted to move to Florida where there is no State and City taxes and houses are much cheaper. I took a 20% cut in salary to cover the cost of sub contracting the part of my job that required a physical presence in the headquarters. She agreed and just being able to work from home helped a lot but not as much as I wanted.
Long story short I am retiring this Friday. For the last 8 years I have socked away every bonus and excess cash we had. The change in me just knowing that I do not have to work anymore has had a very positive effect on my health. My blood pressure which was normally 157/97 or so was 135/90 today. My Diabetes A1C went from 7.4to 5.2 three times in a row which is pre-diabetes and just barely that.
Between the meds which I am mostly off of now and the absence of stress, I feel like a new man. Just a fw months ago I was bumping into things, cut myself 5 times, would drop things that I was holding because I forgot I was holding them and worst of all I forgot the names of close relatives and friends. I thought I was getting dementia like my mom did at my age. That is what finally pushed me to see a Psychiatrist and it was like night and day. It was not like you see on TV. We did not discuss my life, just my problems and then I was prescribed some drugs to take and see what dosages worked for me. As soon as my sleep became regular, I felt like myself again. I remember clearly waking up one morning and being able to remember every one that left my company in the last 30 years. I could also remember things when I was 4 years old which I had not done for a few years.
First step see a psychiatrist who will be able to make sure you sleep well. If I was you I would also get a sleep study which I put off for so long. I found that I was waking up over 400 times a night which is why I was tired all the time. I went on a CPAP machine and that helped tremendously too. Once all these medical issues were taken care of I worked on lowering my stress at work. I gave up some duties, gave up some pay and worked from home. I worked hard to get from where you are to my retirement this Friday. I am 67 but almost retired when I was 66 due to the stress. I had calmed down by then but still the stress was there so I told my boss I was retiring with three months notice. I have not worked an hour this month and I got them to pay me half of my annual bonus to keep my good will should they have questions about the 10 years of work I put into building their current network and did not document. I think it also helped that I knew that my boss was having an affair with another corporate officer and both of them are married for a long time with kids. I was working on her PC and saw the torrid emails and told her that she might want to delete them. I would never blackmail anyone but I think I deserve something since I know where all the company skeletons are hidden. Information is really power. See doctor first and it will help you.
Okay thanks. I'm looking for a new job, it's just slim pickings out there right now, and it's tough staying at this one continuing to have patience. I made a goal for myself to quit by September cause the job is tougher in the winter, and not sure if I can make it another winter there, but do you think I should quit by September, even if I do not have another job yet? Maybe October...
There is one sleep remedy that has worked for me so far, and if is drinking a little. No a lot, but if I drink like two glasses of wine for example, it really helps, but I don't want to do that every day, and have been doing it like every third day for the past couple of weeks.
It's sad when people hate their jobs, and so many people do. But not everyone hates their job. I, for the most part, love my work. Not everyday is the greatest, but most days I come home with a smile.
It took me a long time to find the work I enjoy. I too hated most jobs I worked at. I came to find that I hated working for other people. I went to college, have a bachelors degree, but found the work I did was boring and I couldn't stand taking orders from butt-kissing middle managers.
So I decided to leave the corporate world and get into teaching. Working with kids has given my life more meaning, I actually feel like I'm doing something positive for the world. I love that at my school, the administrators leave the teachers alone, so I can do pretty much what I want. I work each day for the kids, not for some administrator or manager.
Not saying teaching is for everyone, it is definitely not. But my point is you need to find something that gives you meaning. Usually jobs that are the most satisfying are those that help people.
If I ever left teaching, I would become self employed, some how, some way. I never want to work in corporate america again, ever.
I've gotten two three call backs in the last few months but by the time I called them back they had got back to me later and told they already hired someone. I felt that if I wasn't working, I wouldn't have missed their calls.
No one hires someone the same day they are setting up interviews, unless it was a for a temp job that starts tomorrow.
Oh okay, so are you saying making changes and decisions regarding my career, won't help then?
If you’ve hated every job you’ve had for 12 years, chances are it’s something internal to you and not the job. Every job has people who are going to give you grief whether coworkers or the public. Every job. Most of us have coping skills so it can roll off our backs somewhat. I work in nursing home rehab and can safely say someone says something insulting to me on a daily basis. I don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with me as a person. They just want to be home. You however have this giant issue where you take everything personally and see it as disrespect. That internal thought process is what needs to change. Because it’s not just with jobs, you have this issue crop up in personal relationships too.
I have one coworker who my don’t particularly like. I find her bossy and controlling, and she’s made me mad several times. However I keep this to myself there’s no good reason to let her know that I don’t like her or that I don’t like something she did. I’m professional and courteous and friendly to her just as I am to everyone else. Not for her, but for myself because in life you have to choose whether you want to be right or whether you want to be happy quite often. I am sure I’ve told you before you remind me of an ex of mine. When he disliked a coworker, he had to let that coworker know, and everybody else had to know too. It would escalate and he would give that person all his headspace. It has cost him jobs in the past. He always feels I was right I shouldn’t have to keep my feelings to myself however he is the one who suffers.
There is a saying “Where ever you go, there you are”. Changing environments won’t help, only changing the internal landscape will.
If you’ve hated every job you’ve had for 12 years, chances are it’s something internal to you and not the job. Every job has people who are going to give you grief whether coworkers or the public. Every job. Most of us have coping skills so it can roll off our backs somewhat. I work in nursing home rehab and can safely say someone says something insulting to me on a daily basis. I don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with me as a person. They just want to be home. You however have this giant issue where you take everything personally and see it as disrespect. That internal thought process is what needs to change. Because it’s not just with jobs, you have this issue crop up in personal relationships too.
There is a saying “Where ever you go, there you are”. Changing environments won’t help, only changing the internal landscape will.
It's not that I had every job at FIRST, it's just something happens that makes it worse later. For example my first job I liked overall, but then new management came and made it a lot worse, with much worse working conditions.
My second job I liked more, and got promoted up the ranks, but then a new boss came along and kept threatening to fire anyone who didn't work 60 hours a week and I hated the job after having to do that for so long.
So I feel I like some of the jobs, but then something happens later, that causes a downhill spiral, for which cannot be recovered.
But it's interesting you say I take things too personally. Like when the bathroom problem was frustrating me in my current job. I know the management does not mean disrespect but they are causing unintentional suffering, and I hate that as well. Is it bad of me to hate unintentional suffering?
It's like nails on a chalkboard. You can't stand it after a long while, but it's not personal. The chalkboard doesn't have anything against you, and it's not disrespecting you. But at the same time, you can't stand it and it's driving you crazy. That's how I see it. Not personal, but at the same time, not tolerable after a while either.
When you say I have had this issue come up with personal relationships, which personal relationships particularly?
No one hires someone the same day they are setting up interviews, unless it was a for a temp job that starts tomorrow.
They didn't get back to me on the same day. I would miss the call, cause I was at work, call them back, but they were out of the office, then they might get back to me a few days later, and then I would find out I missed it. But they didn't get back to me the same day.
I think if you are so so so very miserable, then you do have to take some action, which may mean putting up with this job for now in order to reap a great gain in a year or two. No one should be living a life fraught with such unhappiness, but you do need a job if only to use it as a stepping stone to a far better job in a field you will truly love. Sit down with a piece of paper. Write out a two year, a four year and a six year life plan. Then under each, write the steps and goals you will have to reach to meet that two year mark, four year and six year mark. Your attitude should improve as you start working towards an ultimate goal of happiness...... just figure out exactly where you want to be in six years and what it will take. Will it take that two year plan or that four year plan? But by six years, you should have reached some tangible goals to make that leap to a better life for yourself, with much less unhappiness and stress. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! good luck!!!!!!
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I think it also helped that I knew that my boss was having an affair with another corporate officer and both of them are married for a long time with kids. I was working on her PC and saw the torrid emails and told her that she might want to delete them. I would never blackmail anyone but I think I deserve something since I know where all the company skeletons are hidden. 
