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That’s just what miserable parents say to make you try to join them on the misery cruise. It also sounds very mediocre, like this is your big accomplishment in life? You have zero hope of a great career achievement or being known for anything but popping out some kids? Then there’s nothing separating you from any other animal, really. If you have kids as part of your life, fantastic! If it’s your whole life? Pathetic!
Also it should be a privilege to have the average person not understand you. I don’t understand them, either, because no there’s nothing great about having life burdened by nose miners and having your entire existence revolve around someone else. You only get one life to live, don’t waste it being someone else’s servant. That’s just sad. There’s too much to accomplish and too much fun to be had to change poopy diapers and endure soccer practice and balet lessons and piano recitals. No thanks!
I have always felt that same way. Maybe if I did have kids I would be saying how amazing it is. But sometimes people glorify being parents because it's such an enormous sacrifice. They need to feel it was worth it.
I have no idea how it really feels to be a parent. Some research has shown that they are not generally happier than non-parents.
There are all kinds of different ways to get happiness in life. I always felt that if I wanted to care for children I would have majored in preschool education, or pediatric nursing, or something like that. But those majors never occurred to me when I was young.
When I was in a relationship with someone I loved, I left it up to chance for a while. But fate said I would not have kids. Well I tried! Glad it didn't work out.
Where I live, in the suburbs, it is assumed that every respectable person will own a house, be married, and have kids. And a front lawn without weeds. The kids may be grown and have left, but you have them somewhere.
Not having any of that means your life is much simpler, and less expensive. But you may not be respected very much.
I don't look down on those 30+ without a spouse and kids, and I don't have an issue with it so long as they aren't bad-mouthing people with kids. I had a friend who used to express her disdain for children and how she'd never have them whenever she could, which was ironic because she loved kid stuff like Disney. I think she hated kids because she was and still is a child.
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I dont know if she is still a child, and I wouldnt think so, but you never know.
I choose to not have children because really I dont like children and Im not fascinated with them the way other people are. But im not a child myself, its just a preference. I can understand how peoples minds are changed after having kids, joy and all that, its great when they are happy.
I do notice that it seems to be taboo to say you regret having kids, you never really hear that. I dont think it would be a big percentage of people, but it seems to be an unspoken rule. Of course if I really wanted to see those stories I'd just have to do a search here, Ive seen some great life stories of regret before, but theyre sad.
If there is a stigma against people like me, I havent seen it yet, but it seems to be difficult for people to understand how I could dislike kids in general. Could just be that Im not expressing myself well enough. They cant seem to NOT be able to process thoughts past the question "How can you not like kids"?
Not having any of that means your life is much simpler, and less expensive. But you may not be respected very much.
The beauty of not being respected by such people, is that its a great filter. I wouldnt want to be associated with people that refused to understand my views anyways. I have many friends with kids that DO understand my views, and friendships with them are quite deep.
Where I live, in the suburbs, it is assumed that every respectable person will own a house, be married, and have kids. And a front lawn without weeds. The kids may be grown and have left, but you have them somewhere.
Not having any of that means your life is much simpler, and less expensive. But you may not be respected very much.
Yep. I'm about to move to the suburbs as a single guy and I'm a little worried about that. I already feel out of place in this city I live in, so I hope I'm wrong that its just going to be married people with kids. As I've said, its not that I didn't want them, it just didn't happen.
The beauty of not being respected by such people, is that its a great filter. I wouldnt want to be associated with people that refused to understand my views anyways. I have many friends with kids that DO understand my views, and friendships with them are quite deep.
Oh maybe you are right! I posted recently about my problems with someone who did not respect me. He is one of those people who cares about status and proving he is successful. He is paying a big mortgage on a big house that always needs something fixed. He is married but always looking around at younger woman. Pretends to be so happy but has all kinds of health problems from living the suburban American lifestyle.
Meanwhile he probably saw me as eccentric and weird because I don't have any of that. Most of my friends don't seem to judge me at all for not having a house or kids. I'm sure there are wonderful aspects to having kids, but there are also many problems, sometimes awful problems.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
There are all kinds of different ways to get happiness in life. I always felt that if I wanted to care for children I would have majored in preschool education, or pediatric nursing, or something like that. But those majors never occurred to me when I was young.
I'm sry, but a career as a pediatric RN is not a substitute for having your own children or shouldn't be thought of in the way of "caring for children", because it's not emotional...it's professional. Pediatric nurses spend most of their time passing medications, starting IV's or managing a team of aids, LVNs & technicians that will bathe & "care" for kids but it would seem to be a really sad thing if someone who wanted kids went into pediatric nursing.. for that. Providing "comfort" when it's needed...is not based in an emotional attachment...or a desire to give birth.
If someone wants kids, then plan or have kids...or maybe babysit relative's kids that an emotional bond can form. Filling up emotionally from a career that one has a professional relationship with kids....like pediatric nursing....seems a little scary & unbalanced. I'm an RN...was never drawn to pediatrics, but it doesn't relate to whether I will someday have a baby or not..Lol.
I dont know if she is still a child, and I wouldnt think so, but you never know.
I choose to not have children because really I dont like children and Im not fascinated with them the way other people are. But im not a child myself, its just a preference. I can understand how peoples minds are changed after having kids, joy and all that, its great when they are happy.
This person acts like a spoiled brat, so that's where I'm pulling the hypothesis from. I don't think she's emotionally grown up personally, and I am strictly speaking about this one particular person (who has called children "the spawn of the devil" in the past )
Anyway, I think your experience is common. Many people don't like other people's children - 1) they aren't emotionally connected to them and 2) they aren't raising them, so the good/bad behaviors that come with that often leave that impression.
I can recall my mother telling me many times how she never thought she'd want kids after babysitting other people's children. Good thing she changed her mind, otherwise I wouldn't be here today.
Where I live, in the suburbs, it is assumed that every respectable person will own a house, be married, and have kids. And a front lawn without weeds. The kids may be grown and have left, but you have them somewhere.
Not having any of that means your life is much simpler, and less expensive. But you may not be respected very much.
Most people who move to a suburb are families. As a single person you can live anywhere you want, why choose a suburb? I lived in an apartment on the beach for 18 years and now I live on a lake. Families choose suburbs because they need to live near good schools and want areas with kids sports team etc. A single person is an anomaly in a suburb. I lived in one 12 years with an ex-bf and hated it. It was hard to meet people (not caused they judged me but they met friends at kid-related things/the bus stop etc cause that’s where their lives were). I would never want to live in one again. Being single you’re not tied to schools. There are many areas where being single and childless is not outside the norm.
Even in the suburb though I can’t say I was ever treated as if people didn’t respect me. I just didn’t share anything in common with their lives so was an outsider socially. I wasn’t shunned, I just never met people because I didn’t spend time at the places they did
Just like it’s okay for you and me not to have kids, it’s also okay to have them. I don’t know anyone in my family or friends circle that regrets having kids. It’s not a competition, there is no one size fits all. We just spent a weekend at a group reunion. At the cabin was one couple with an 11 month old, and they seemed happy and said they were already trying for another. I don’t understand the point of denigrating people with kids in a thread complaining that society denigrates those without kids. If you put down any group in your argument you’re just as bad as they are.
That’s not what I said. Go back and read what I wrote - I said it’s fantastic if you want kids, but it’s pathetic if that’s the measurement for your success. That’s setting the bar unbelievably low. It is not an acceptable life achievement, no, because it’s not an accomplishment at all. Every single species can reproduce, it’s not difficult or impressive. Do you actually expect parents to tell you they’re miserable? Trust me, they DO say it, but you have to listen. You’ll hear it constantly. Just not in those words. Just the other day my fiancé had lunch with her mom and her mom’s friend and the lady is talking about what a monster her 3 year old is and when my fiancé asked what she does for fun, she said nothing since she’s had 2 kids. They don’t have time for hobbies.
It’s not a matter of judging their choice, it’s a matter of understanding how you could possibly make a pros and cons list and come up with anything resembling a compelling argument. The list of cons is practically endless: having to choose where to live by school district, having to wake up early to deal with kids, poor quality sleep (factually proven in studies), less marital satisfaction, less life happiness day to day (again, studied), massive financial expenses, more stress, less time for hobbies, etc. The pros are, what, exactly? Your kid isn’t going to “take care of you” when you’re older, this isn’t Japan, if your kid does something remarkable a good question is could you have done the same if you spent your time and resources better? Companionship? Make friends your own age. It’s just another knuckleheaded societal expectation that goes completely unexamined by most people which is obvious by the fact if they did any actual analysis, they’d be hard pressed to find any good reason to have kids.
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