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If you live in an area that makes a big deal about this stuff, it's going to get to you, eventually making you think that's the life you want. If you live in an area that could care less about it, you probably wouldn't be bothered as much.
Supposedly one of the biggest joys in life is to have kids. Also the most rewarding thing you can do. You can argue its why we're here. So for me, I feel like I missed out. There really is a stigma. Everyone I work with has kids except for one recently married guy. Its frustrating because I did want them, but now it is too late. A friend of mine who is 43 just had a daughter. He said he never wanted kids, and one day changed his mind after he got married. He told me it was the most amazing experience he's ever had seeing his daughter born. I really wanted that. Now I'm a bit envious of him and the family he has.
That’s just what miserable parents say to make you try to join them on the misery cruise. It also sounds very mediocre, like this is your big accomplishment in life? You have zero hope of a great career achievement or being known for anything but popping out some kids? Then there’s nothing separating you from any other animal, really. If you have kids as part of your life, fantastic! If it’s your whole life? Pathetic!
Also it should be a privilege to have the average person not understand you. I don’t understand them, either, because no there’s nothing great about having life burdened by nose miners and having your entire existence revolve around someone else. You only get one life to live, don’t waste it being someone else’s servant. That’s just sad. There’s too much to accomplish and too much fun to be had to change poopy diapers and endure soccer practice and balet lessons and piano recitals. No thanks!
That’s just what miserable parents say to make you try to join them on the misery cruise. It also sounds very mediocre, like this is your big accomplishment in life? You have zero hope of a great career achievement or being known for anything but popping out some kids? Then there’s nothing separating you from any other animal, really. If you have kids as part of your life, fantastic! If it’s your whole life? Pathetic!
Also it should be a privilege to have the average person not understand you. I don’t understand them, either, because no there’s nothing great about having life burdened by nose miners and having your entire existence revolve around someone else. You only get one life to live, don’t waste it being someone else’s servant. That’s just sad. There’s too much to accomplish and too much fun to be had to change poopy diapers and endure soccer practice and balet lessons and piano recitals. No thanks!
Just like it’s okay for you and me not to have kids, it’s also okay to have them. I don’t know anyone in my family or friends circle that regrets having kids. It’s not a competition, there is no one size fits all. We just spent a weekend at a group reunion. At the cabin was one couple with an 11 month old, and they seemed happy and said they were already trying for another. I don’t understand the point of denigrating people with kids in a thread complaining that society denigrates those without kids. If you put down any group in your argument you’re just as bad as they are.
I don’t understand the point of denigrating people with kids in a thread complaining that society denigrates those without kids. If you put down any group in your argument you’re just as bad as they are.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Supposedly one of the biggest joys in life is to have kids. Also the most rewarding thing you can do. You can argue its why we're here. So for me, I feel like I missed out.[...]He told me it was the most amazing experience he's ever had seeing his daughter born. I really wanted that. Now I'm a bit envious of him and the family he has.
I can relate to this, atlguy. I too wanted kids when I was younger, but it never worked out. No one ever liked me back, and I was never in a financial or logistical position to do it even if they did. I'm not sure if I would have been a good father. Sometimes I feel like I would have and sometimes I feel like I would not have been a good father. But it was something I wanted. So I respect parents and I will help out people who have kids however I can.
I can't relate to people who never felt the desire to have children.
For the people who subscribe to The ChildFree Philsophy, or Voluntary Human Extinction, not only can I not relate to it, I am specifically disgusted and offended by it. I want to destroy that idea with nuclear fire, just as much as I want to kill a cockroach when I see one. Seeing a dead body surrounded by flies and being eaten by maggots disgusts me less than reading about The ChildFree Philosophy and Voluntary Human Extinction. It is evil and unnatural and it offends me as a human being.
We should be having kids to perpetuate the species so we can continue to be the steward of life on Earth. We are not doing the best job and we could do better, but we are still the steward, whether we are currently doing a good job or not, and therefore the human species must continue to exist. Also we have accomplished amazing things and created beautiful things, and those things have meaning when there are sentient beings in the universe to appreciate them. As far as we know, we are the only sentient species in the universe, so that's another reason we should continue to exist. Even if we were not the only sentient beings, we would the species that can most appreciate the beauty we have created, so we have to continue our existence. Anyone who thinks human extinction would be a good idea disgusts me. The idea is repugnant.
Last edited by neutrino78x; 04-30-2019 at 11:47 PM..
I can relate to this, atlguy. I too wanted kids when I was younger, but it never worked out. No one ever liked me back, and I was never in a financial or logistical position to do it even if they did. I'm not sure if I would have been a good father. Sometimes I feel like I would have and sometimes I feel like I would not have been a good father. But it was something I wanted. So I respect parents and I will help out people who have kids however I can.
I can't relate to people who never felt the desire to have children.
For the people who subscribe to The ChildFree Philsophy, or Voluntary Human Extinction, not only can I not relate to it, I am specifically disgusted and offended by it. I want to destroy that idea with nuclear fire, just as much as I want to kill a cockroach when I see one. Seeing a dead body surrounded by flies and being eaten by maggots disgusts me less than reading about The ChildFree Philosophy and Voluntary Human Extinction. It is evil and unnatural and it offends me as a human being.
We should be having kids to perpetuate the species so we can continue to be the steward of life on Earth. We are not doing the best job and we could do better, but we are still the steward, whether we are currently doing a good job or not, and therefore the human species must continue to exist. Also we have accomplished amazing things and created beautiful things, and those things have meaning when there are sentient beings in the universe to appreciate them. As far as we know, we are the only sentient species in the universe, so that's another reason we should continue to exist. Even if we were not the only sentient beings, we would the species that can most appreciate the beauty we have created, so we have to continue our existence. Anyone who thinks human extinction would be a good idea disgusts me. The idea is repugnant.
I'm absolutely positive that you and Atlguy would be fantastic dads. It's not too late for either of you. Men these days are becoming new fathers well into their 50's.
No one wants to acknowledge this issue, but the stigma against single, childless people over 30 is real. Past 30, you're meant to have your Mod cut. together and be married with kids. If you're not, people see you as some sort of non adult and you end up losing friends when they get pregnant, as parents tend to only want to be friends with other parents and people change when they have kids. Dating becomes difficult too, because you're left with the people who are also not good enough to be part of society by following the plan. The childfree moment is a joke...these people are honestly just envious of parents like I am, but they won't admit it.
I don't look down on those 30+ without a spouse and kids, and I don't have an issue with it so long as they aren't bad-mouthing people with kids. I had a friend who used to express her disdain for children and how she'd never have them whenever she could, which was ironic because she loved kid stuff like Disney. I think she hated kids because she was and still is a child.
But I digress. Yes, people's lives tend to change when they have children. At least in infant and toddler stages, you now have a human being who depends upon you for everything (especially an infant). Your priorities have to shift for a while. That said, I wouldn't say parents only want to be friends with other parents. I think that's a silly conclusion to jump to. They might find more in common with other parents, but I know a number of couples with kids who are still available to hang (they just need more flexible times and activities/environment).
Dating and finding a partner is a lot of luck, imo. If you're picky, like one of my BFFs, it will be even harder because you'll find fault in plenty of eligible bachelors. But you do need to make an effort- i.e. sitting on the couch at home on a Saturday probably isn't the best idea (unless you're ok with internet dating, I guess). Aside from the normal preferences, you and potential mate need to be in the right life stage to move into a more serious relationship.
I definitely disagree with the people in this thread who seem to think you can't have a life once you have children, or you somehow become have to give up your career. That's BS. Like I said before, priorities shift, but you find a way.
I'm absolutely positive that you and Atlguy would be fantastic dads. It's not too late for either of you. Men these days are becoming new fathers well into their 50's.
Aww, thank you! Yeah, neutrino, I'm older than you and like you, it just didn't work out. I was married, and during the Great Recession, she decided she was ready. That ended the marriage since I couldn't fathom having kids without a job. I have a ton of regret about that. Cat Lady, thanks for making me feel better. I've heard over the years that I would make a good Dad, so I hold onto that and for now just focus on being a great uncle to my niece.
I. I think a lot of this comes from where you live. If you live in an area that makes a big deal about this stuff, it's going to get to you, eventually making you think that's the life you want. If you live in an area that could care less about it, you probably wouldn't be bothered as much.
This. Well said. I think the OP must live in a conservative region. In the places where I've lived, nobody cares, and there are tons of singles at all ages. Nobody says anything about it, because it's normal. It's sad that the OP has the same prejudice against other singles, that she, herself, is decrying.
Quote:
Dating becomes difficult too, because you're left with the people who are also not good enough to be part of society by following the plan
It's sad, how societal pressures, or perceived pressures, create this kind of low self-esteem, that then gets turned against others.
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