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Good for you! I know how you feel. Same happened with my friends. Now I'm older and live in the midwest. I have no kids and am a complete fish out of water here. I've tried various meetups, but none stuck with me, meaning I didn't enjoy them much. I find it extremely frustrating being single with no family of my own. I certainly don't need the constant reminders of other people with their happy families.
Your last sentence is probably my greatest source of pain and sadness. I'm not childfree as i would love to have a partner and a family or my own, but the 'reminders' are killing me, especially over these Easter holidays. I want to move to a big city or the middle of the Scottish highlands where there are no people at all.
Your last sentence is probably my greatest source of pain and sadness. I'm not childfree as i would love to have a partner and a family or my own, but the 'reminders' are killing me, especially over these Easter holidays. I want to move to a big city or the middle of the Scottish highlands where there are no people at all.
I had to look at your profile
You are only 32?
Still time to find a mate and complete your dreams.
Good luck
PS - I am child-free by choice. Just never had the urge.
Good for you! I know how you feel. Same happened with my friends. Now I'm older and live in the midwest. I have no kids and am a complete fish out of water here. I've tried various meetups, but none stuck with me, meaning I didn't enjoy them much. I find it extremely frustrating being single with no family of my own. I certainly don't need the constant reminders of other people with their happy families.
Come to Chicago. My Meetup groups are filled with childfree single social misfits in their 30's. And that's in the suburbs, mind you. Can you imagine how normal that lifestyle is in Chicago proper? (Rents there are expensive as hell, no doubt, but still.) We play bar trivia, hike in the woods all day, sing karaoke, rock out to cover bands, and watch midnight movies. The kind of stuff conventional-minded 30-somethings can only dream about. One thing you might not like is that Chicago is flat as a pancake; the lush green trees are nice, though.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 04-22-2019 at 09:22 PM..
Be that as it may... I'd rather hike in the woods and/or play a rousing game of bar trivia with my Meetup group, than get angrily chewed out by my (nonexistent ) wife over an overlooked dirty dish in the sink or a missed spot of grime on the kitchen floor.
Be that as it may... I'd rather hike in the woods and/or play a rousing game of bar trivia with my Meetup group, than get angrily chewed out by my (nonexistent ) wife over an overlooked dirty dish in the sink or a missed spot of grime on the kitchen floor.
What I feel is not so much a stigma, but a kind of loneliness. Everywhere I go, I'm going to see alot of people who are married, married with kids, or having a significant other in their life. I'm going to be 33 very soon. I never had much luck with women at all. I'm not fat and ugly. Just someone who was never anyone's type. Being 5'5" can complicate things too (no, it isn't impossible, but it can play a role). I pretty much gave up. As it stands, I'm 32, never been married, no girlfriend, nothing. No kids either. I'm a perennial bachelor.
One thing that hurts when it comes to being a bachelor is watching my social life fade over the years. A majority of people that I knew back in college or high school are married, and/or have children. This is the thing. When it comes to weekends, I have all the time in the world to hang out. From Friday evening to Sunday evening, I have time. No kids to take care of. No wife or girlfriend. Just bachelor me. The thing is, alot of people I know don't have that kind of time. If it isn't dealing with kids, it's dealing with wife/husband (I made alot of female friends in college). Back in my college days, I could find time to hang with someone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend. As more and more people I knew got married and moved on, I was left with fewer people to hang out with.
I also think about who I seem to relate to these days. I've thought about the jobs I've had from my late 20s to now. It was easier to relate to fellow childless/bachelor persons(what few there were) and the older adults (age 40+) who had teenagers. I had a harder time reaching out to or relating to persons who were closer to my age if they had young kids. I don't have that many social interractions with people with little kids. And it's not because I don't want to. It's often because said persons can find other persons who are close to their age and have kids. They relate to fellow parents. I can talk about other things, besides kids. I do try to do that.
What I feel is this. I don't feel an out right stigma against the unmarried and childless. What I have felt is a sense of being alone. My social life is not what it used to be. I get jealous sometimes when I see couples in a bar, coffee shop, or somewhere alot of people gather.
Perhaps a bit young to be having those feelings, but I think your perception is about right. I didn't feel that in my 30's, as I have always been a loner, partly by choice.
Married at 31, divorced at 45. After about a year, I began to feel invisible. I stopped getting invitations, and simply stopped hearing from some people. At first, I just thought it was the divorce, people choosing which one they would keep as a friend.
After another year, a divorced woman friend said the same thing, but she had been divorced for almost a decade. Together, we worked out a possible explanation: If you are married, and say in your late 20's early 30's, you may have children and most of your friends will be couples .At functions, it has always been couples. When you are suddenly single again, it can become socially awkward with old friends.
Plus men don't want a single guy near their wives, and women don't want a single woman near their husbands. I've also noticed over the last few years, that kids (anyone under about 40) tend to look right through me.
I also found I lost a few mates when they got married. Didn't understand until I was married; wife didn't like my friends. Wanted to keep wife, at that time, so lost the friends.
Reading through the above, and your posts ,the things mentioned seem reactive .Things happen TO us. I suspect the answer at partly about becoming proactive, taking control of one's life. Easier said than done, I know.
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My Meetup groups are filled with childfree single social misfits in their 30's. And that's in the suburbs, mind you. Can you imagine how normal that lifestyle is in Chicago proper? 
(Rents there are expensive as hell, no doubt, but still.) We play bar trivia, hike in the woods all day, sing karaoke, rock out to cover bands, and watch midnight movies. The kind of stuff conventional-minded 30-somethings can only dream about. One thing you might not like is that Chicago is flat as a pancake; the lush green trees are nice, though.
) wife over an overlooked dirty dish in the sink or a missed spot of grime on the kitchen floor.
Whatever, at least I'll never be in the doghouse, like married men.