Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know one lady who is in her 40s and who was always as a proud single woman and never short of affection and privilege showered towards her by males. But now she's in her 40s and she's become some women's rights activist. I could never imagine her fighting for woman's rights. She was the most privilege woman that I know of throughout the years. Never had to work a full-time job for years and always had sugar daddys. Now she's a women's rights activist.
Not even relevant....but...maybe she realizes that without her looks / sugar daddies that she'd have had a hard time of it? So she recognizes her "traditional privilege" due to her appearance and wants to do something to promote women who "have to make do" using only their smarts? Golly, why would a good lookin' woman care about anyone besides herself?
Not even relevant....but...maybe she realizes that without her looks / sugar daddies that she'd have had a hard time of it? So she recognizes her "traditional privilege" due to her appearance and wants to do something to promote women who "have to make do" using only their smarts? Golly, why would a good lookin' woman care about anyone besides herself?
People do evolve, you know. I was never involved nor cared much about politics or any social issues when I was young, simply because it didn't concern me, I was more worried about having something to do on Saturday night. As I got older I became more interested in learning about the world, and the more I learned the madder it made me, and I got more involved, even getting involved in political campaigns. Why must we assume her reasons for being more active in a social justice issue has to be a shallow one?
For the record, I did better with men in my later 40's, and met the love of my life in my 50's. The last few posts I feel have been full of myths and assumptions about older women. We don't all become bitter old hags who can't get a man the day we hit 40, we're not jealous of 20 year olds, and some of us are even still hot at 57. But the great thing is, we don't care as much by then.
Not even relevant....but...maybe she realizes that without her looks / sugar daddies that she'd have had a hard time of it? So she recognizes her "traditional privilege" due to her appearance and wants to do something to promote women who "have to make do" using only their smarts? Golly, why would a good lookin' woman care about anyone besides herself?
One thing I can say about my younger sister (who is in her late 20s), is this. She's a hard worker. She also relates to people better than I do, so that also helps her get jobs easier. All in all, I'll say this. She looks much younger than she is. She has her looks, but she isn't using them to get men to do for her. She does for herself. She doesn't do "sugar daddy" stuff. When you're taught "work hard so you won't be dependent", the temperament to get a sugar daddy won't be there.
I think you are putting too much emphasis on comparing yourself to other people and inside your own head i.e. referring to yourself as a ‘perennial bachelor’ at 32 in a negative way. Focus on building your social life - hobbies, activities, ways in which you can meet other people as well as your job or other things which interest you. If you find dating difficult, you might find it more natural to find women who share the same interests or who you meet in different settings other than specifically for ‘dating’ (childless or not). Even if you don’t, you’d feel a lot less ‘alone’ (or at least have less time on the weekends to view yourself in that way).
When I say "perennial bachelor", this is what I mean. It wasn't meant to be a negative thing. It's much simpler to say "perennial bachelor" than to say that I've never been in a romantic relationship or had kids.
This is where I'm coming from as far as this topic is concerned. What I'm dealing with is not so much a stigma, but a low amount of comraderie in many situations. Where I currently work, most of the people are married, with or without kids. I do try to find some commonalities. As someone who has never had a romantic partner, and someone who has never had kids, I find alot of people who are married with or without kids(kids under 11 specifically) relating to one another much easier.
One thing I am doing with myself is alot of cycling. People at my job that I relate to the most like similar things to me. Interestingly, the persons I get along with best either aren't married, or are married but have teenagers as opposed to little kids.
Right now, I mainly work and go home. Weekends are mine (long commute during the week, 32 miles each way). I have made some efforts to be more social. Strangely, I found it easier to be social at a country/western bar.
When I say "perennial bachelor", this is what I mean. It wasn't meant to be a negative thing. It's much simpler to say "perennial bachelor" than to say that I've never been in a romantic relationship or had kids.
This is where I'm coming from as far as this topic is concerned. What I'm dealing with is not so much a stigma, but a low amount of comraderie in many situations. Where I currently work, most of the people are married, with or without kids. I do try to find some commonalities. As someone who has never had a romantic partner, and someone who has never had kids, I find alot of people who are married with or without kids(kids under 11 specifically) relating to one another much easier.
Loneliness comes from within (our own feelings) and is completely under your control - a ‘stigma’ is society’s feelings (and not under our control). I was merely pointing out the former.
Loneliness comes from within (our own feelings) and is completely under your control - a ‘stigma’ is society’s feelings (and not under our control). I was merely pointing out the former.
Loneliness is not under your control. Humans are social creatures.
I get what you're saying, and I think probably more accurate than "loneliness" is "isolation." Corporate Cowboy is correct that we have it within our capabilities to do something about isolation, which can be caused of feelings of loneliness.
But it bears noting that people can make proactive steps toward addressing their degree of isolation...be social, interacting with others, etc. and still fail to connect/feel lonely. It's harder to buck feelings, especially if those feelings are rooted in any type of depression or other mental health concern. You CAN change your emotional responses to things, with a lot of work using specific therapeutic techniques like CBT, but overall, emotions can be less controllable. We feel what we feel. What we allow those feelings to spur us to do or not do, behaviorally, is within our control. But, yeah, you'll still feel the feels, in most cases, unless you have a specific therapeutic regimen going to train yourself into different emotional responses.
But, yeah...green mariner is pretty clear that he's doesn't feel he's experiencing societal stigma...rather, low emotion. It's coming from within, whether or not he is realistically able to do anything about it or not.
It's true that stigma is born of society's overall perceptions, which are what they are, yes. What the prevailing societal opinion is about something is out of your hands. But it's NOT out of your hands how you react to that. Think of various other things commonly stigmatized in society, where groups and individuals have said, "Yeah, we reject the stigmatization of ______," and move forward from there despite the stigma.
I get what you're saying, and I think probably more accurate than "loneliness" is "isolation." Corporate Cowboy is correct that we have it within our capabilities to do something about isolation, which can be caused of feelings of loneliness.
But it bears noting that people can make proactive steps toward addressing their degree of isolation...be social, interacting with others, etc. and still fail to connect/feel lonely. It's harder to buck feelings, especially if those feelings are rooted in any type of depression or other mental health concern. You CAN change your emotional responses to things, with a lot of work using specific therapeutic techniques like CBT, but overall, emotions can be less controllable. We feel what we feel. What we allow those feelings to spur us to do or not do, behaviorally, is within our control. But, yeah, you'll still feel the feels, in most cases, unless you have a specific therapeutic regimen going to train yourself into different emotional responses.
But, yeah...green mariner is pretty clear that he's doesn't feel he's experiencing societal stigma...rather, low emotion. It's coming from within, whether or not he is realistically able to do anything about it or not.
It's true that stigma is born of society's overall perceptions, which are what they are, yes. What the prevailing societal opinion is about something is out of your hands. But it's NOT out of your hands how you react to that. Think of various other things commonly stigmatized in society, where groups and individuals have said, "Yeah, we reject the stigmatization of ______," and move forward from there despite the stigma.
I'm autistic. "Be social" is something I can't do. You can't make people like you. If you're relatively neurotypical, you can try relocating or joining meetup groups. Some of us struggle to connect and therapy and pills don't always work. The stigma just makes it so much worse, because people are essentially judging you for something you didn't choose in the first place.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But the great thing is, we don't care as much by then.
