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On a side note, I was hanging out at a bar one night. I struck up a conversation with some women. They seemed friendly enough. One of them gave me a hug. I was scared to death when I found that they were all someone's wife or girlfriend. The guy that was hanging out with them was apparently an in-law of one of them. He took me aside and let me know that everything was alright. His explanation was "you look like you're a good man, these women are just out here partying and being stupid". I was left that night wondering why married women would go to a bar without their husbands with the purpose of picking up men. I won't be surprised if they are divorced by now.
A lot of it depends on what circles you're in. I do a lot classic/social dancing, and the dance community is very big on mingling. This applies to couples as well as singles. So couples often split apart and dance with other people. The boundaries are very strict, and if someone violates them, bad reputation will spread fast, and no one will dance with that person. All touch/contact with other people is strictly as dictated by the dance moves, although light hugs are acceptable at meeting and parting.
If you're happy with your life, that's all that matters.
Well, true, but there is something telling about those who need to assume negative things about swaths of others just to feel justified about their own choices.
I'm mid 40s and I would say that of the people I know who still don't have kids (not many of us) maybe half are because they didn't want kids and half are because it didn't happen for them.
Life is finite and you have to have some foresight in order to get the most out of it.
This is out of the scope of this thread, but people spend so much time looking for physically attractive mates and mates with status, when really they are rejecting people who would be a better match for them LATER in life.
I mean ... I think if you do want a real family, the ideal strategy is really to start looking for someone at age 22, and not somebody who is good looking and rich, and cool ... somebody who you can spend 24/7 with when you are age 68.
And maybe after 14 years and dating 15 different people, you find that perfect match, and then you start a family.
So, yea, it's not easy.
But most people don't go through the search the right way, so you can look at couples who have kids and think they are happy but the truth is that a lot of them are not happy.
For me personally, I figured I would consider having kids when the overwhelming urge struck and well ... that day has never come, lol. I do think I'll regret having kids later in life, but I'm not sure if that's good enough of a reason. My friends kids can be annoying as sh@t. They really bother me sometimes, and that's in small doses.
It depends. I know one person who is nearing 40 and is just now getting engaged. She had her share of relationships in the past but they fizzled. She seemed happy just living the single life. She has no kids. She was happy to just live it up and party.
When it comes to rejecting mates, I've been the one who was rejected alot. After a while I stopped trying. I figured "I have my friends, that should be enough". Now, as for marriage and children, I've never been in a position where I could get married and have children. Financially, at this point, it's not a good idea. I always thought "wait until you're stable and well-established in order to get married". I can live without having a romantic partner or kids. However, many people I know were itching to get married.
The older I've gotten, the higher my standards have become in terms of dating. I'm much pickier. I have always had my standards in terms of who I would date. However, I've gotten stricter. Hearing about too many divorces, people getting shafted out of their money, and unhappy marriages, I need to make it clear what my standards are. Her morals and values need to match mine. I'm in my 30s and I've never had sex. That's not a coincidence. That is a moral choice that I make. A woman needs to understand that I won't have sex with her unless we are married. No exceptions. If I do ever date, anuy woman I date should not have kids. I'm not ready to take on kids at this point in my life. I also don't want to deal with the baggage that comes with someone else's kids, such as the man. And in particular, I really won't want to date her if she's had kids out of wedlock and never bothered to get married. I'm old school. I don't do stuff like that. I believe in having children IN WEDLOCK. I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. It's about building something, it's about "will I be able to build a family with you", "will we be able to raise our children on solid morals and values". I think about things like this. I go in public and find plenty of persons I couldn't marry or build a life with.
I think about what it takes to build a family, to build a marriage, to build a life with someone. I get why the divorce rate is so bad. I live in Georgia, which has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. I have classmates who got married, then divorced before they turned 30, some twice divorced.
I keep hearing this, but it's nonsense. I don't see any of them wanting to swap situations with someone like me....eternally single, lonely, childless and marginalised
A lot of it depends on what circles you're in. I do a lot classic/social dancing, and the dance community is very big on mingling. This applies to couples as well as singles. So couples often split apart and dance with other people. The boundaries are very strict, and if someone violates them, bad reputation will spread fast, and no one will dance with that person. All touch/contact with other people is strictly as dictated by the dance moves, although light hugs are acceptable at meeting and parting.
In circles I've been around, it does depend. People that I've hung out with, hugging is perfectly acceptable. Hitting on one's wife, is not acceptable. I know not to cross that line. The morals and values that I was raised with, I don't have sex with anyone who isn't my wife. Since I have no wife, no sex. If I go to a bar and talk to a female, I make sure to keep it G-rated. If I see that she has a boyfriend or I see a wedding ring of her finger, I go somewhere else. If said woman is a friend of mine and I know her husband, I know there are certain lines I don't cross. If nothing else, I respect her husband.
The night in question, I was hanging out with some old friends of mine. It was one of the few nights they could hang out. I hung out with them, one of them persuaded me to talk to some of the women instead of sticking to my drink.
I don't live in Atlanta proper. I live out in the suburbs (or exurbs rather). I've tried to find someone to date when I was in college. It never worked out. I could never find a woman that liked me in that way. I made alot of female friends in college, but never got a girlfriend. Romance was never my strength.
I can have times of being introverted, especially when I can't relate to people around me. Even more so when I sense a very cliquish environment and I feel that it's hard to break in. Usually, my extroverted side comes out when I'm in my comfort zone.
I have hit up a few clubs in Atlanta proper (notably around Midtown). I found the women at those clubs to be very stuck up. I tried it in my mid 20s, and then again in my late 20s. The night clubs in the Atlanta city limits didn't work out for me.
Nightclubs are probably not the place to be. Find neighborhood bars. Try Fado in Buckhead, for example. Irish bar that usually has some live music. Try Buckhead church. Join a small group. Sound like you're religious. If you have a church with no singles, switch. If I still lived in the area I could better direct you. You may have some social anxiety, which I understand more than you know You've gotta get out there. There's also tons of meetup groups in Atlanta, including a singles one thats 20's-40's. There's a dating service that can help you find someone to marry called Eight at Eight. Check that out.
It depends. I know one person who is nearing 40 and is just now getting engaged. She had her share of relationships in the past but they fizzled. She seemed happy just living the single life. She has no kids. She was happy to just live it up and party.
When it comes to rejecting mates, I've been the one who was rejected alot. After a while I stopped trying. I figured "I have my friends, that should be enough". Now, as for marriage and children, I've never been in a position where I could get married and have children. Financially, at this point, it's not a good idea. I always thought "wait until you're stable and well-established in order to get married". I can live without having a romantic partner or kids. However, many people I know were itching to get married.
The older I've gotten, the higher my standards have become in terms of dating. I'm much pickier. I have always had my standards in terms of who I would date. However, I've gotten stricter. Hearing about too many divorces, people getting shafted out of their money, and unhappy marriages, I need to make it clear what my standards are. Her morals and values need to match mine. I'm in my 30s and I've never had sex. That's not a coincidence. That is a moral choice that I make. A woman needs to understand that I won't have sex with her unless we are married. No exceptions. If I do ever date, anuy woman I date should not have kids. I'm not ready to take on kids at this point in my life. I also don't want to deal with the baggage that comes with someone else's kids, such as the man. And in particular, I really won't want to date her if she's had kids out of wedlock and never bothered to get married. I'm old school. I don't do stuff like that. I believe in having children IN WEDLOCK. I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. It's about building something, it's about "will I be able to build a family with you", "will we be able to raise our children on solid morals and values". I think about things like this. I go in public and find plenty of persons I couldn't marry or build a life with.
I think about what it takes to build a family, to build a marriage, to build a life with someone. I get why the divorce rate is so bad. I live in Georgia, which has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. I have classmates who got married, then divorced before they turned 30, some twice divorced.
The problem is that cause you have never dated, you don't really even know what you want, at least in my opinion.
There's different experiences that you get from dating women and living with women, etc, that help you determine what is best for you.
I think ... that is the first step to starting a family. Having a strong base on a couple that is incredibly compatible.
The problem is that cause you have never dated, you don't really even know what you want, at least in my opinion.
There's different experiences that you get from dating women and living with women, etc, that help you determine what is best for you.
I think ... that is the first step to starting a family. Having a strong base on a couple that is incredibly compatible.
Well, this is where I'm coming from. I understand what I require in a woman. I listed those things, so I don't understand how I wouldn't know what I'm looking for.
Nightclubs are probably not the place to be. Find neighborhood bars. Try Fado in Buckhead, for example. Irish bar that usually has some live music. Try Buckhead church. Join a small group. Sound like you're religious. If you have a church with no singles, switch. If I still lived in the area I could better direct you. You may have some social anxiety, which I understand more than you know You've gotta get out there. There's also tons of meetup groups in Atlanta, including a singles one thats 20's-40's. There's a dating service that can help you find someone to marry called Eight at Eight. Check that out.
I haven't been into any night clubs in Atlanta city limits in years. I've stayed away. Costs alot of money, too much mess. Most of my hanging out these days is in the suburbs. I do hit up some of the bars in those areas. I've never been to Fado (I live 32 miles west of Atlanta. I commute to Atlanta for work, but I rarely hang out there anymore).
I probably do struggle with social anxiety and don't know it. I do get and and try to be social anyway. There are certain places that I do hang out. I don't hit up the Atlanta bars much (too far from where I live).
A church I went to a long time ago might have had a singles group. I never got into it back then (I was in college). I'll check around.
This is just where I come from in terms of being single and childless. It changes one's social dynamics. It creates situations where you must start over.
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