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I'm in my early 30s, never been married, never been divorced. I know a few people who have been divorced. Some of them more than once before turning 30. Oddly enough, I only know one person who lost friends as the result of a divorce.
I haven’t been married yet, but I lived with someone close to 15 years. During that time, I let my friends fall by the wayside and let his friends become our friends.It was partially because he didn’t really like my friends that much, but also part of it was that I just wasn’t as interested in hanging out as I was when single. In any case, when we broke up, rather when I left him, he got custody of the friend so to speak. They were his to begin with, and I respected that. I did not try to contact anyone that had been his friend first.
That winter was the loneliest of my life. However I did come out the other side. It is possible to start over. It is hard, especially since it was the first time I had ever lived by myself at all and I was 38 years old. I felt very isolated I didn’t even have someone to help me do things like move furniture into my apartment. But I got through it.
That said, being single and lonely was not nearly as bad as it was to live with someone and be lonely.
I'm in my early 30s, never been married, never been divorced. I know a few people who have been divorced. Some of them more than once before turning 30. Oddly enough, I only know one person who lost friends as the result of a divorce.
Well you're still young and haven't seen it much yet. If you're in Atlanta, you should have tons of opportunities. I'm kind of shocked you haven't dated. If you're not in Atlanta however, it makes a lot more sense. Are you an introvert? If so, I know from personal experience what a disadvantage that can be.
That said, being single and lonely was not nearly as bad as it was to live with someone and be lonely.
Thank you for saying this. After my recent breakup I have to remind myself of this. I did feel alone when I was with my most recent girlfriend. This breakup has me wondering if I'll be single the rest of my life now that I'm older and live where I live. That worries me.
I'm mid 40s and I would say that of the people I know who still don't have kids (not many of us) maybe half are because they didn't want kids and half are because it didn't happen for them.
Life is finite and you have to have some foresight in order to get the most out of it.
This is out of the scope of this thread, but people spend so much time looking for physically attractive mates and mates with status, when really they are rejecting people who would be a better match for them LATER in life.
I mean ... I think if you do want a real family, the ideal strategy is really to start looking for someone at age 22, and not somebody who is good looking and rich, and cool ... somebody who you can spend 24/7 with when you are age 68.
And maybe after 14 years and dating 15 different people, you find that perfect match, and then you start a family.
So, yea, it's not easy.
But most people don't go through the search the right way, so you can look at couples who have kids and think they are happy but the truth is that a lot of them are not happy.
For me personally, I figured I would consider having kids when the overwhelming urge struck and well ... that day has never come, lol. I do think I'll regret having kids later in life, but I'm not sure if that's good enough of a reason. My friends kids can be annoying as sh@t. They really bother me sometimes, and that's in small doses.
They are happy because of the kids, but it is my opinion that a large amount of couples are mismatched and would be much happier with other people.
People mostly screen mates based on physical attractiveness, which is a much lesser factor when you get older.
I think especially, I know a couple of older women who just kind of picked the 'best possible option' and decided to go with that.
It takes a lot of foresight to really kick a@@ at life, and that's hard.
But my point relative to this thread is ... I wouldn't assume that just because a woman has a husband and two or three kiddies that her life is all happiness and joy.
I haven’t been married yet, but I lived with someone close to 15 years. During that time, I let my friends fall by the wayside and let his friends become our friends.It was partially because he didn’t really like my friends that much, but also part of it was that I just wasn’t as interested in hanging out as I was when single. In any case, when we broke up, rather when I left him, he got custody of the friend so to speak. They were his to begin with, and I respected that. I did not try to contact anyone that had been his friend first.
That winter was the loneliest of my life. However I did come out the other side. It is possible to start over. It is hard, especially since it was the first time I had ever lived by myself at all and I was 38 years old. I felt very isolated I didn’t even have someone to help me do things like move furniture into my apartment. But I got through it.
That said, being single and lonely was not nearly as bad as it was to live with someone and be lonely.
Now that is something I've never dealt with. I've had roommates, but I've never "lived" with someone. I've never had a girlfriend. I've been single my entire life. I've had a few roommates in my life. Most I don't have any contact with anymore. A few went back to their hometown, or they got married.
Your situation is far different from mine. The closest I had was many year ago. In one point of my life, I had a falling out with someone. I never dated this person. I wanted to, but it became clear she didn't want to date me. We had some of the same friends. We were friends at one point. And then we had a spat, and then said some things behind her back. To say the least I lost alot. I never really bothered to try and make amends. I figured she didn't want to. That along with some health problems sent me into a period of isolation. Now, this situation is not related to other situations I've dealt with. However, I did have to start over. There were still people who knew nothing about my situation, so it wasn't as big of a loss as it could have been. However, alot of people I knew and had been friends with were graduating from college and moving away(I had taken time off from college, then went back). Some were still around, but there was a precipitous drop in persons that were still around. In a sense I had to start over.
Most people I know who have been divorced, by the time I found out I had not had contact with them in some time. I do know of people who were dating, then later on they became ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. In some cases I would never hear from the ex ever again.
At least you were able to get through your isolation. In my case I drifted in and out of isolation depending on what I was going through.
I haven’t been married yet, but I lived with someone close to 15 years. During that time, I let my friends fall by the wayside and let his friends become our friends.It was partially because he didn’t really like my friends that much, but also part of it was that I just wasn’t as interested in hanging out as I was when single. In any case, when we broke up, rather when I left him, he got custody of the friend so to speak. They were his to begin with, and I respected that. I did not try to contact anyone that had been his friend first.
That winter was the loneliest of my life. However I did come out the other side. It is possible to start over. It is hard, especially since it was the first time I had ever lived by myself at all and I was 38 years old. I felt very isolated I didn’t even have someone to help me do things like move furniture into my apartment. But I got through it.
That said, being single and lonely was not nearly as bad as it was to live with someone and be lonely.
They are happy because of the kids, but it is my opinion that a large amount of couples are mismatched and would be much happier with other people.
People mostly screen mates based on physical attractiveness, which is a much lesser factor when you get older.
I think especially, I know a couple of older women who just kind of picked the 'best possible option' and decided to go with that.
It takes a lot of foresight to really kick a@@ at life, and that's hard.
But my point relative to this thread is ... I wouldn't assume that just because a woman has a husband and two or three kiddies that her life is all happiness and joy.
Well you're still young and haven't seen it much yet. If you're in Atlanta, you should have tons of opportunities. I'm kind of shocked you haven't dated. If you're not in Atlanta however, it makes a lot more sense. Are you an introvert? If so, I know from personal experience what a disadvantage that can be.
I don't live in Atlanta proper. I live out in the suburbs (or exurbs rather). I've tried to find someone to date when I was in college. It never worked out. I could never find a woman that liked me in that way. I made alot of female friends in college, but never got a girlfriend. Romance was never my strength.
I can have times of being introverted, especially when I can't relate to people around me. Even more so when I sense a very cliquish environment and I feel that it's hard to break in. Usually, my extroverted side comes out when I'm in my comfort zone.
I have hit up a few clubs in Atlanta proper (notably around Midtown). I found the women at those clubs to be very stuck up. I tried it in my mid 20s, and then again in my late 20s. The night clubs in the Atlanta city limits didn't work out for me.
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