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Loneliness comes from within (our own feelings) and is completely under your control - a ‘stigma’ is society’s feelings (and not under our control). I was merely pointing out the former.
I was just saying there isn't a stigma. I'm not seeing society loooking down on the childless and unmarried, as a whole. I'm saying that in some situations, it's a lonely road to go down. It can leave someone feeling left out when there are alot of people you work with, who have kids and a spouse, and you don't. I'm speaking from a perspective of trying to relate to others, trying to find common ground with others.
It's a matter of some persons feeeling like "well, I can relate to this person because I'm a parent, and so is this person. It's easier to relate to this person than the person who doesn't have a spouse or children". That is specifically what I'm speaking of.
I was just saying there isn't a stigma. I'm not seeing society loooking down on the childless and unmarried, as a whole. I'm saying that in some situations, it's a lonely road to go down. It can leave someone feeling left out when there are alot of people you work with, who have kids and a spouse, and you don't. I'm speaking from a perspective of trying to relate to others, trying to find common ground with others.
It's a matter of some persons feeeling like "well, I can relate to this person because I'm a parent, and so is this person. It's easier to relate to this person than the person who doesn't have a spouse or children". That is specifically what I'm speaking of.
Which is why I was suggesting trying to relate to people in other ways (and exploring your own happiness) - not to whether you relate if they have kids or not. I have many friendships - with parents and those who are not, like myself.
Which is why I was suggesting trying to relate to people in other ways (and exploring your own happiness) - not to whether you relate if they have kids or not. I have many friendships - with parents and those who are not, like myself.
Parents generally want to be friends with other parents. My former BFF ditched me when she had a baby and she changed drastically, not for the better
Which is why I was suggesting trying to relate to people in other ways (and exploring your own happiness) - not to whether you relate if they have kids or not. I have many friendships - with parents and those who are not, like myself.
This, just this.
I don't/didn't automatically assume I could no longer relate to my friends once I had kids. I like beer. I sometimes discuss that with my friends. What aspect about having kids would change that?
Sometimes too I think drifts in friendships can be just more about growing up and ditching some of the less 'useful(?)' habits of our youth which to some might project as just a product of "having kids."
And sometimes I think people just cling too tightly to their own misery, especially a sense that they're a victim of outside forces and thus powerless to change.
Parents generally want to be friends with other parents. My former BFF ditched me when she had a baby and she changed drastically, not for the better
Personally, I haven’t found that to be the case (though I’m not stating it doesn’t happen). I have a few colleagues (who are parents as well as close personal friends), and I’ve met solid friends (who are parents) through hobbies and interests as well. That said, I’m sorry your friend ditched you - sounds more like her own issues (and not the fact you are childless).
Personally, I haven’t found that to be the case (though I’m not stating it doesn’t happen). I have a few colleagues (who are parents as well as close personal friends), and I’ve met solid friends (who are parents) through hobbies and interests as well. That said, I’m sorry your friend ditched you - sounds more like her own issues.
Assuming you are located in San Francisco, you live in a big city where people are generally more open minded and accepting pf differentl lifestyles. Perhaps that's why you've had more success than i have? I live in a small town full of families and it's very conservative and bigoted. If you're not a mombie, you won't fit in
Assuming you are located in San Francisco, you live in a big city where people are generally more open minded and accepting pf differentl lifestyles. Perhaps that's why you've had more success than i have? I live in a small town full of families and it's very conservative and bigoted. If you're not a mombie, you won't fit in
Probably true - in terms of large cities (and more people tend to be childless too). I also think as a man, we tend to put less emphasis on it than women (who tend to be a lot harder on each other for their choices or circumstances). That said, friendships are usually grounded in common interests, humor, work, hobbies, similar social lives, etc.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 04-22-2019 at 03:41 PM..
Parents generally want to be friends with other parents. My former BFF ditched me when she had a baby and she changed drastically, not for the better
My best friend has 3 kids. I have no kids. Most of my other friends have children as well. We are friends because of common interests, not because of our marital/child status. I think there is probably a period when children are tiny (like in the infant period) where they drop off for a bit, but after they get out of that stage, usually they become more available again. That said, I’ve always been open to hanging out to my friends when they had the babies around, so it was no big deal.
Parents generally want to be friends with other parents. My former BFF ditched me when she had a baby and she changed drastically, not for the better
Welcome to the club! My former best friends since high school kicked me to the curb too. For a similar reason: because they got married and I stayed single. They didn't do it verbatim, but through an ongoing series of inconsiderate behaviors, like coming an hour late to my birthday outing I organized around their preferences, or not backing me up when a guy in a relationship violently threatened me over my mistake in bowling. I took the hint (maybe not as quickly as they would have liked), and mostly walked out of their lives. If they sometimes call or text to say hi, I answer, but it's been months since I initiated contact.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
My best friend has 3 kids. I have no kids. Most of my other friends have children as well. We are friends because of common interests, not because of our marital/child status.
Tell that to my former best friends! I thought they enjoyed my company for who I am and our shared interests (rock concerts, sports, and such). Turned out, I was just a time-filler to them until women came along. That's probably why their actions sting: feeling used. Well, the joke's on them: I joined many Meetup groups, and their evenings at home with their wives don't hold a candle to the fun outings I go on.
Welcome to the club! My former best friends since high school kicked me to the curb too. For a similar reason: because they got married and I stayed single. They didn't do it verbatim, but through an ongoing series of inconsiderate behaviors, like coming an hour late to my birthday outing I organized around their preferences, or not backing me up when a guy in a relationship violently threatened me over my mistake in bowling. I took the hint (maybe not as quickly as they would have liked), and mostly walked out of their lives. If they sometimes call or text to say hi, I answer, but it's been months since I initiated contact.
Tell that to my former best friends! I thought they enjoyed my company for who I am and our shared interests (rock concerts, sports, and such). Turned out, I was just a time-filler to them until women came along. That's probably why their actions sting: feeling used. Well, the joke's on them: I joined many Meetup groups, and their evenings at home with their wives don't hold a candle to the fun outings I go on.
Good for you! I know how you feel. Same happened with my friends. Now I'm older and live in the midwest. I have no kids and am a complete fish out of water here. I've tried various meetups, but none stuck with me, meaning I didn't enjoy them much. I find it extremely frustrating being single with no family of my own. I certainly don't need the constant reminders of other people with their happy families.
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