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True, a lot of people go into denial. If OP's son had brought this up at the time it happened, that would have been the time to immediately call the police.
Yes, this. As it was, when I DID find out, I told everyone I knew, that knew him.
I think yesterday...when I came across his name, it brought up a bunch of old memories, and how disgusting he is to me. I don't have NEW info on him...I was just, oh I don't know...I want to see him pay I guess. I was just upset by it, all over again.
Morally speaking, yes perhaps you should do something. But pragmatically speaking, no.
There has been no crime committed that can be proven. That's the problem. The police will just say thank you very much but we can't even take a report.
I'd disagree. I'd say something. And I'm not sure they wouldn't take the report, even if it just sits in a file cabinet, it might come up later.
I'd disagree. I'd say something. And I'm not sure they wouldn't take the report, even if it just sits in a file cabinet, it might come up later.
I had a situation a year ago where I tried to make a police report. I actually knew going in that no crime had been committed, but I still wanted something on the record because I knew the person has been dangerous in the past. The officer was very nice and listened, but could not take a report. I asked that he note a file somewhere so that there was a paper trail in case of anything in the future. He indicated he would, but there is no way to know whether that actually happened.
Try it yourself sometime. They won't take an official report unless a law has been broken.
Last edited by pathrunner; 10-05-2022 at 01:44 PM..
Reason: typo
This is a tough one. First though I have to say if you went to the police they would want to talk to your son and that is not fair to your son to drag him into this unless you asked him if he wanted the police informed. You are angry understandably but have you talked about it to your son and why seeing this man just carry on with life as if nothing happened?
I had justice somewhat with my abuser but he served less time in jail than all the years he abused me, AND he got state support such as education ( while I got nothing). He married and adopted the woman’s two children but she divorced him after a couple of years and managed to get child support until they turned 18 ( talk about karma because my mother got nada). Then he married again and has been living a good life and retired from a good job. I tell you all this because your need to warn others and the gall that he lives a life of hypocrisy is galling but it will eat you up alive if you let it.
The most important thing is your son. You have tried to warn others but there comes a point there really is little you can do. He will never pay the way you want him to.
This should not be about retribution or punishment but rather protection for others going forward. When you put him on blast, did his wife or daughter see/hear about it? If anything, I would reach out to her, reminding her of the incident and encouraging her to be proactive in protecting any grandchildren, youths with which he has contact at church and in the community, etc.
Yes, it would be nice to see him get his comeuppance, but the bigger priority is making sure he doesn't victimize others going forward.
People who do these kind of things are obviously wired wrong. I would worry about his grandkids, or any kids that he associates with.
Also you can't accuse him because it's hearsay on your part, only your son can do this. But it has been 20 yrs and some ppl will think that maybe his memory is "inaccurate".
God will judge and punish him at the end even if we can't. The only thing we can do is try to protect any child from this evil from ever happening again. And in this case only your son has that ability to speak out.
This should not be about retribution or punishment but rather protection for others going forward. When you put him on blast, did his wife or daughter see/hear about it? If anything, I would reach out to her, reminding her of the incident and encouraging her to be proactive in protecting any grandchildren, youths with which he has contact at church and in the community, etc.
Yes, it would be nice to see him get his comeuppance, but the bigger priority is making sure he doesn't victimize others going forward.
Somehow I don’t think letting his wife know will make much difference as he will likely smooth talk it away and she will believe him over some stranger who claims something happened 20 years ago. The nature of how he exposed himself ( the wording and lighting) tells me he is very good at providing just enough of a murky scene to get away with it and gaslight victims and anyone that questions it. The only time you can really get someone like this to face justice or comeuppance is when it’s reported at the time or thereabouts. I’d say inform the elders of the church , because if there is a hint of anyone else complaining they “might “ pay attention. His wife is a big ? My mother had plenty of warnings and red flags of how deviant my father was but she didn’t want to believe it until it was too late and it blew up in her face.
I had a situation a year ago where I tried to make a police report. I actually knew going in that no crime had been committed, but I still wanted something on the record because I knew the person has been dangerous in the past. The officer was very nice and listened, but could not take a report. I asked that he note a file somewhere so that there was a paper trail in case of anything in the future. He indicated he would, but there is no way to know whether that actually happened.
Try it yourself sometime. They won't take an official report unless a law has been broken.
A law was broken. But whether they will file a report or not I don't think there's anything to lose by trying. They may have had other people file reports, or they may have suspicions, or they may be looking for a creeper who has been flying under their radar in his neighborhood...and reporting this could help someone down the road.
Somehow I don’t think letting his wife know will make much difference as he will likely smooth talk it away and she will believe him over some stranger who claims something happened 20 years ago. .
Exactly. We've seen it over and over and over. "But he is such a sweet guy, I can't believe he would do anything like that..."
A law was broken. But whether they will file a report or not I don't think there's anything to lose by trying. They may have had other people file reports, or they may have suspicions, or they may be looking for a creeper who has been flying under their radar in his neighborhood... and reporting this could help someone down the road.
Of course a law was broken and there's nothing to lose by trying. But (1) it was a long time ago (statute of limitations) and (2) it's hearsay.
Reporting it could possibly help someone down the road, and one hopes that a informal report of that type would actually be filed away and kept for future reference. That's about all that can happen. Even if her son who directly experienced the incident went and tried to file a report, they would ask why he waited so long. There's really nothing LE can do without tangible evidence.
Because this guy has been so overt about things, he's likely on several peoples' radar and those people (or organizations, like the church where the bible study was held) are probably not wanting to get involved. It's a very delicate matter and likely to be problematic for anyone to keep pressing the issue.
Hopefully the creep is caught at some point. It does happen.
I HAVE seen people on Nextdoor report a registered sex offender in the neighborhood. But if this guy is not registered, it opens someone up to libel and almost certainly getting kicked off the social media. I wouldn't risk raising the ire of this perp. Who knows what he is capable of. Err on the side of caution - unfortunately.
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