Question Regarding Someone who Exposed Himself to my Kids (boyfriend, husband, parent)
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So, many years ago, I used to attend a weekly Bible Study at a married couple's house. We were all encouraged to bring our kids, if we wanted to. I did, on a couple of occasions. My boys didn't really like going, and seeing as I was living with my parents at the time, I had built in babysitters, so the boys didn't need to go.
Years later, my oldest son, who's a young adult at this point, tells me how one time, at these people's house, the husband of the home invited my boys and another boy about the same age as my kids out to the back yard to "see the hobo". So he takes the boys out to the back yard, in the dark, and exposes himself to the boys, and asks them "Do you see the hobo?" My oldest was the only one who actually saw what the man was doing. Maybe because of the lack of much light, or the boys were actually looking for a hobo...I don't know. Anyway, the only one who saw that this man was exposing himself was my oldest son. When he saw what was going on, he told his brother and the other boy "Come on, let's go back inside." And the other boys followed him inside. I was furious about this.
When I found out about it, I exposed him on Facebook. Nothing really came of it, except that a young lady I went to church with messaged me to tell me that one time, the same guy had asked her teenage boyfriend (they later married) if he wanted to see some pictures he had drawn. (This was at church.) The pictures WERE hand drawn, and X-rated.
ANOTHER time, going back to the Bible Study, I had been the first to arrive, and he proceeded to tell me how he had just kicked his teenage stepson out of the house for talking back to him. His wife was back in Germany, visiting family...but he and the stepson had stayed back here. I was kind of shocked, and at the time, I didn't know anything about him exposing himself. But I remembered thinking "Why would you kick your 15 yr. old teenager out...with your wife out of the country, unable to stop you" and thinking that what he had done was terrible.
Looking back on that, I have to wonder if he was abusing his stepson, or had made some kind of move on him, and they fought or something.
Sooo, I bring this up because I came across his name on the Nextdoor app, where he had posted a news article about people stealing church mail. Then I looked him up on Facebook...living his life, married to the same woman, and now he's a grandpa (I forgot to mention, he and his wife had a daughter), And it brought up all kinds of ugly emotions in me. I FEEL like he doesn't have the right to a decent life. If I saw him person, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd be sick to my stomach. I'm tempted to 'expose' him again on Facebook...but I don't think my kids (or some other mutual friends) would appreciate me dredging up the past like that...and I'm not sure my motives are any kind of pure in this.
So...I'm curious...if y'all knew what I knew, would you do anything? Would you say anything, knowing all this stuff was a long time ago? SHOULD I do something? I probably won't do anything at all...but SHOULD I?
Well, that might get you banned from Facebook. And it could expose you to liability in terms of libel (defamation) because there is no proof, just hearsay - as maddening as that is.
It's a tough one. I sympathize. I had a situation I had to walk away from when my daughter was 3 yrs old. It was a moral dilemma because it involved a home daycare I had her in, very briefly. I shudder to think what happened to the kids who remained, but this guy (the husband of the daycare woman) knew where we lived, ya know? Had to let it go and just pray for the situation.
Have you thought about contacting the stepson? Not that you should. But it might be nice to show him some support based upon what you know. Other than that, this is a very difficult situation.
Well, that might get you banned from Facebook. And it could expose you to liability in terms of libel (defamation) because there is no proof, just hearsay - as maddening as that is.
It's a tough one. I sympathize. I had a situation I had to walk away from when my daughter was 3 yrs old. It was a moral dilemma because it involved a home daycare I had her in, very briefly. I shudder to think what happened to the kids who remained, but this guy (the husband of the daycare woman) knew where we lived, ya know? Had to let it go and just pray for the situation.
Have you thought about contacting the stepson? Not that you should. But it might be nice to show him some support based upon what you know. Other than that, this is a very difficult situation.
I really have no idea where the stepson is. When I looked at the guy's facebook page, there were no pictures of the stepson...I don't think. Everyone is at least 20 years older now...so his looks might've changed a lot.
You make good points about the libel angle. I won't say anything, but man...I'd love to see some kind of retribution fall on his head.
So, many years ago, I used to attend a weekly Bible Study at a married couple's house. We were all encouraged to bring our kids, if we wanted to. I did, on a couple of occasions. My boys didn't really like going, and seeing as I was living with my parents at the time, I had built in babysitters, so the boys didn't need to go.
Years later, my oldest son, who's a young adult at this point, tells me how one time, at these people's house, the husband of the home invited my boys and another boy about the same age as my kids out to the back yard to "see the hobo". So he takes the boys out to the back yard, in the dark, and exposes himself to the boys, and asks them "Do you see the hobo?" My oldest was the only one who actually saw what the man was doing. Maybe because of the lack of much light, or the boys were actually looking for a hobo...I don't know. Anyway, the only one who saw that this man was exposing himself was my oldest son. When he saw what was going on, he told his brother and the other boy "Come on, let's go back inside." And the other boys followed him inside. I was furious about this.
When I found out about it, I exposed him on Facebook. Nothing really came of it, except that a young lady I went to church with messaged me to tell me that one time, the same guy had asked her teenage boyfriend (they later married) if he wanted to see some pictures he had drawn. (This was at church.) The pictures WERE hand drawn, and X-rated.
ANOTHER time, going back to the Bible Study, I had been the first to arrive, and he proceeded to tell me how he had just kicked his teenage stepson out of the house for talking back to him. His wife was back in Germany, visiting family...but he and the stepson had stayed back here. I was kind of shocked, and at the time, I didn't know anything about him exposing himself. But I remembered thinking "Why would you kick your 15 yr. old teenager out...with your wife out of the country, unable to stop you" and thinking that what he had done was terrible.
Looking back on that, I have to wonder if he was abusing his stepson, or had made some kind of move on him, and they fought or something.
Sooo, I bring this up because I came across his name on the Nextdoor app, where he had posted a news article about people stealing church mail. Then I looked him up on Facebook...living his life, married to the same woman, and now he's a grandpa (I forgot to mention, he and his wife had a daughter), And it brought up all kinds of ugly emotions in me. I FEEL like he doesn't have the right to a decent life. If I saw him person, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd be sick to my stomach. I'm tempted to 'expose' him again on Facebook...but I don't think my kids (or some other mutual friends) would appreciate me dredging up the past like that...and I'm not sure my motives are any kind of pure in this.
So...I'm curious...if y'all knew what I knew, would you do anything? Would you say anything, knowing all this stuff was a long time ago? SHOULD I do something? I probably won't do anything at all...but SHOULD I?
Remember, I blasted him once.
Chances are really good that most of the people in this guy's orbit, including his wife and daughter, already know about his true nature; from what you've posted, he hasn't tried to hide it.
SHOULD I do something? I probably won't do anything at all...but SHOULD I?
If it were me and this was on my mind, I would go to my local police station and speak to someone for advice on what to do. If nothing else, you will feel better knowing you did something, especially if in the future something horrifying happens and then you might always think "should've, could've, would've."
Morally speaking, yes perhaps you should do something. But pragmatically speaking, no.
There has been no crime committed that can be proven. That's the problem. The police will just say thank you very much but we can't even take a report.
Well...if I dragged my son into it, he was a witness/victim of the exposure. Buuuttt...I don't think my son would want to be dragged in to it. I don't know. I guess I could ask him. But then again, it was over 20 years ago too.
The sad reality is that this kind of stuff goes on all the time. I'm on Truthfinder, and you can check the box that shows sex offenders. It's absolutely astounding how many there are in most areas. Littered with red dots. Sometimes it is actually frightening to witness. You can click on the red dot and find out what the charge is. High percentage of underage kids being exposed to various kinds of offenses. Like metlalkatla said, it's very likely his family knows about his proclivities and activities. It's shocking the numbers of people who look the other way or sweep it under the rug for various reasons.
The sad reality is that this kind of stuff goes on all the time. I'm on Truthfinder, and you can check the box that shows sex offenders. It's absolutely astounding how many there are in most areas. Littered with red dots. Sometimes it is actually frightening to witness. You can click on the red dot and find out what the charge is. High percentage of underage kids being exposed to various kinds of offenses. Like metlalkatla said, it's very likely his family knows about his proclivities and activities. It's shocking the numbers of people who look the other way or sweep it under the rug for various reasons.
They might have been told, but probably don't believe it.
I guess if I were the OP I'd ask myself, what if I found out later that he had been or still is doing even worse things to other kids?
True, a lot of people go into denial. If OP's son had brought this up at the time it happened, that would have been the time to immediately call the police.
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