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People who are cheerful all the time feel phony to me. But on the other hand, people who are down all the time are not pleasant to be around. I try to reign in my bad days so as not to burden others. It's a fine line, IMO.
It's like, when you are dating at 40. If you meet a new person and bring your baggage from old relationships, it's not fair to the new person.
I really think you're just born to be a positive or negative person. I was born with genes set up for anxiety and worry, it's hard to just become a different person.
At one nursing home I worked in, we had a gentleman who lost his entire family in the Holocaust. He survived because he was a young teen and able to work. After the war, he joined a group of Nazi hunters, and ended up spending time in jail for it. That is enough adversity that would make anyone a negative person. But this man walked around with a wide smile 24/7.
In that vein, have you ever read Unbroken by Laura Hildenbrand? Wow, talk about an epic story of survival and the human spirit.
I really think you're just born to be a positive or negative person. I was born with genes set up for anxiety and worry, it's hard to just become a different person.
At one nursing home I worked in, we had a gentleman who lost his entire family in the Holocaust. He survived because he was a young teen and able to work. After the war, he joined a group of Nazi hunters, and ended up spending time in jail for it. That is enough adversity that would make anyone a negative person. But this man walked around with a wide smile 24/7.
Yes, my old doctor that the family had gone to since I was a pre-teen was this cheery little guy with a Spanish accent, always smiling. He called us all "honey" and when I saw him when out shopping one day, he stretched out his arms for a hug.
I came to find out that when our doctor was 12, a group of men with machine guns came to his village in Colombia one day and rounded up all the adult men, including his father, and shot them all right in front of their families in the middle of town and then made the families dig a hole to throw the bodies in.
I hate "smiling at the camera", because for me, it's always so forced. Usually I'm in an adequate mood, but I do have a history of depression. It's all part of me. s far as camera photos, I have to force a smile. I usually otherwise would have resting bitchface, and if I am tired or annoyed, I wind up looking like I want to kill someone even if I really don't.
I get along best with those who are real. Sometime happy, sometimes not. But always real with themselves. We all owe ourselves that, imho.
I hate "smiling at the camera", because for me, it's always so forced. Usually I'm in an adequate mood, but I do have a history of depression. It's all part of me. s far as camera photos, I have to force a smile. I usually otherwise would have resting bitchface, and if I am tired or annoyed, I wind up looking like I want to kill someone even if I really don't.
I get along best with those who are real. Sometime happy, sometimes not. But always real with themselves. We all owe ourselves that, imho.
You sound much like me. I almost could have written that. I don't exactly have a "resting bitchface" or have struggled with depression, but I tend to look more disengaged and indifferent, and perhaps irascible, than I really am. I just don't wear emotions on my shirtsleeve and have a very pragmatic mindset.
The smiling thing ... what makes that worse for me is that my wife is something of a shutterbug and often futzes with the camera for seemingly hours either trying to get exactly the lighting and color she wants, or waiting for the right microsecond to snap the pic, or she's snapping two dozen of them hoping one of them won't result in a half-closed eye or something. This drives me to distraction but I have learned to bear with it, lol.
It's great to be positive and cheerful within your own little world if that's how you approach life. Good for you. But it's not right to be a Pollyanna to those who are struggling with real problems. Just because YOU make lemonade out of lemons or think life's a bowl of cherries and that tomorrow will be a better day and things will work out, doesn't help an elderly lady who's living on $1300 a month of SS and has a $500 car repair and whose roof just started leaking or someone whose son just died from an overdose or someone who just got a cancer diagnosis.
If there's anything "not normal" about being cheerful all the time, maybe it's that these people do not have the courage to really hear and understand those who are struggling. Maybe they feel better sticking their heads in the sand like ostriches and they can't bear facing reality?
What I think you’re missing is that external circumstances don’t change a persons basic nature. There are people who are broke, sick, etc who still see the positive in the world and can still smile and have a positive outlook (the example of the elderly resident I gave, who lost his entire family in the Holocaust but was always smiling). Just as there are people who have good health and money but are negative people. I don’t see it as Pollyanna, it’s just glass half full vs half empty outlook. I have a good life but my nature is to worry and see the glass as half empty.
I think it’s the difference between having an internal locus of control vs external if you remember high school psychology.
Yes, my old doctor that the family had gone to since I was a pre-teen was this cheery little guy with a Spanish accent, always smiling. He called us all "honey" and when I saw him when out shopping one day, he stretched out his arms for a hug.
I came to find out that when our doctor was 12, a group of men with machine guns came to his village in Colombia one day and rounded up all the adult men, including his father, and shot them all right in front of their families in the middle of town and then made the families dig a hole to throw the bodies in.
I think it is not abnormal. Some people were born with cheerful, beautiful face and nice figure. Those are the lucky ones. They don't need to try hard to be cheerful and smile all the times, and they have lots of advantages.
However, not being cheerful all the time is not bad either.
For most people, they have to learn to think about or find positive things in life, because in the past they probably had faced many rough or negative things happened to their life, and they find it's hard to be cheerful, but they have to try to smile for other people not to think they are sour grapes and dislike them; and therefore, they can have some advantage at the workplace or in life also.
For some others, they may hate to be cheerful and to smile all the times, because it is working too, LOL, and they think that is fake. They want to be honest, to show their true self, and hate to do what is fake to please others. For an instance, if/when you are treated unfairly by your manager and have a heavy workload and have to take more work from your co-workers who is the manager's pet, how can you be or look cheerful? Or when you are dead tired, getting burnt out, and your co-workers ask you "How are you doing?", how can you smile and say "I'm fine, thank you"? That is so fake. Sometimes, they think you are so strong, you are so good, you can do more, and they will come to ask you for more help. LOL. That was/is true in my experience. It’s not that when you are nice, cheerful and smiling all the times, and people will like you, and you have advantages. Sometimes, people will take advantage of you and use you to death if you are not smart enough and don’t set boundaries.
In everything, there are pros and cons. Not all beautiful/handsome and cheerful people are liked by others, have advantages in life and can climb up the ladder in business. Many of them are used, abused because they are not smart enough or are unlucky sometimes. Many might be thought of as snakes, having an angel face and the heart of evil (usually, these are the ones in the management who are brown nosers who use their tricks to climb up the ladder). On the other hand, I see that in the society and at the workplaces that most people in the high positions are the ones not that cheerful and smiling constantly. Many of them may look pleasant enough but serious and powerful.
On a rare case, as elina's post (#8), I think most people with Down's syndrome always look cheerful and smiling. I don't mean to be mean or contemning anyone. But that's the reality. They were born with that "look". And I don't think they have many advantages in life. Sad, but true.
In addition, there are people who were born with “ugly” or serious look. They were unfortunate. No matter they try to smile and be cheerful, they still don't look good? What can they do?
So, just be yourself and try to do your best. But don't try too hard to please anyone.
It's great to be positive and cheerful within your own little world if that's how you approach life. Good for you. But it's not right to be a Pollyanna to those who are struggling with real problems. Just because YOU make lemonade out of lemons or think life's a bowl of cherries and that tomorrow will be a better day and things will work out, doesn't help an elderly lady who's living on $1300 a month of SS and has a $500 car repair and whose roof just started leaking or someone whose son just died from an overdose or someone who just got a cancer diagnosis.
If there's anything "not normal" about being cheerful all the time, maybe it's that these people do not have the courage to really hear and understand those who are struggling. Maybe they feel better sticking their heads in the sand like ostriches and they can't bear facing reality?
Oh Pollyannas are ghastly. My dad died when I was 21, and I was the baby of the family, and a daddy‘s girl. One of the church Pollyanna’s walked up to me and said “when someone dies suddenly we think of that as God kissed him“. I looked at her and said “well I don’t know, it feels far more like God smote him.” She had no clue what to make of that.
But not all of us who are upbeat and positive are Pollyannas.
I have some dear friends, and my sister who are going through some very real, very painful things. And I am there as support. I help where I can help. I am there to hold them if they cry. And cry a few tears myself. But the fact of the matter is if I crawl down that rabbit hole with them, I can’t be of any help.
At my age, 63, I don’t know anyone who isn’t going through something. Even if I can’t help, sometimes being bright and cheerful works. A dear friend of mine has sad, seasonal affectation disorder, and she gets depressed around this time of year. I went up to see her and it was a gorgeous day and we got out, had lunch out, and bought a little chocolate, and rode around looking at how gorgeous the trees were and laughed our butts off about all sorts of stuff. And she told me that was the best medicine she could’ve had. All I had to do was give my time. I got that, I’m retired!
__________________ Solly says — Be nice!
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Solly says — Be nice!
