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The funny thing is that one of my longest known friend use to be that "happy" optimistic as heck kinda person. But as time progressed and the world worn him down... now he is a lot less bright and smiley, much more acidic and abrasive.
He still has that optimistic core that comes through. But definitely the shine has worn off and he is much more pragmatic and weary of people lol.
IDK that I was ever any sort of Pollyanna, but I was an incurable romantic and idealist and so I guess optimistic in that sense. But I wouldn't describe myself as chipper and happy by default because when you are an idealist you are bound to be disappointed a great deal.
So now I would describe myself somewhat like your friend: the idealist core is still there but now in my 60's it's a bit of an empty husk and my main feeling is one of exhaustion and world-weariness. I see what is possible, and I see what IS.
Cheer and smiles all the time is healthy and uplifting not only to the people you interact with but also to your inner self.
If you have trouble doing this then just "Fake it til you make it".
I haven't done enough faking lately.
I think being cheerful on the outside can lead to more cheer on the inside, and more resilience. Now that I'm old, beyond happy or sad, cheerful or pissed off, I just strive to be resilient.
I thought of that word - resilient - as I read some of these posts. I have also always been a positive, somewhat enthusiastic person. I like to talk to people and yes, I smile at people walking by. I'm friendly. I also have always had a lot of energy. That's caused more 'issues' than being positive. LOL. I always considered that 'my gift.' As I get older, I feel that waning, somewhat.
I think a positive outlook helps create resilience. Challenges don't overwhelm you. You figure out a way to manage them. You are also not swayed too far to the extremes with negative and troubling affairs of the world. I've found this more true the older I get but I think that's because I've developed (IMO) some perspective and have started trying to see certain issues from both sides.....and I usually land in the middle somewhere, mostly. This has really helped me alot.
I've been intermittently prone to anxiety that was attributed to the trauma of growing up in a violent alcoholic household. I often wondered if my positive attitude was just the face I put on for the world when I was a little girl so no one would see how troubled we were, but I don't believe that entirely. I think we might be born with a certain disposition.....and then we feed that part of us.
I remember reading that 60% of our personalities are innate and 40% what we choose. I have always been mostly upbeat and positive. When I retired people said they missed my cheerfulness and laugh. However, no one can be happy all the time.
I discovered along the way that this is how people viewed me, but inside, I was mostly the other way inside. I learned early to hide anxiety and sadness because it wasn't acceptable for me to show it.
I used to be perplexed at the disconnect, though, that somehow people saw me as a cheerful, upbeat person.
I don't think society teaches there is something wrong with approaching life smiling and with a positive attitude, how does it? I think it's the opposite, frankly. I wish I was that type of person.
Robin Williams was a comedian,and rewarded handsomely for it. We don't know if he was always cheerful in his personal life.
I think we know he wasn't.
Another comedic actor, the late Dudley Moore, was born with a deformed leg. I saw him in an interview wherein he said he learned early to be the one to bring his deformity to the attention of others and make them laugh about it before they could mock him first. That's how he honed his comedy skills.
What do we call it, the Betty White syndrome, to always approach things cheerfully? The classic actress who is always smiling.....when she turns to face the camera?
Now, at my age, I find I am happy often the time since I am living the life of a dream, being a cowgirl, being a witch, being a cheerleader (all in the matter of interpretation). Add to it that I am outside the influence of TV.
But is that right or does our society teach us that there is something wrong with us, such as with Robin Williams?
Hey, you do you. But it seems most of your happiness comes from a rich internal fantasy life. Movie-level military exploits, the Mission-Impossible type scenarios you've concocted in your head and shared on this forum, the above "witch" and other personas you like to affect.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as it's not used to defraud or harm other people. I would just worry that if real life ever caused an impact in some negative way, would your rich fantasy life hurt or help you in managing it?
And when you're old and decrepit, will you be able to discern between reality and fantasy--but then again, will it really matter at that point?
I have been an optimistic person most of my life although now with age late 60s it's gotten harder to be as blindly happy as I was in younger days.
Men are allowed by society to be more negative than women are allowed to be (I'm female) which isn't fair. I think that is about power, the person who has the power can be cranky as they wanna be and people try and make them happy.
The only person that can make me really unhappy nowadays is my husband but he is trying to reform his anger issues because he wants to be happier. The rest of life has petty annoyances but those are easier to handle.
I really try and be pleasant to other people, thank them when they help me, not because I want them to like me but just to put a little happiness out into this world that has so much bad news lately. Twice this week my patience was tried, $9 overcharge on grocery bill that made me drive back to the store to get a refund and today RX that was supposed to be 90-day and nope it's 30-day even though I called in advance to make sure they got it right this time because they did it wrong at last pickup. Neither thing can change my basic personality but OMG some days I think I'll lose my temper but that's life these days.
I thought of that word - resilient - as I read some of these posts. I have also always been a positive, somewhat enthusiastic person. I like to talk to people and yes, I smile at people walking by. I'm friendly. I also have always had a lot of energy. That's caused more 'issues' than being positive. LOL. I always considered that 'my gift.' As I get older, I feel that waning, somewhat.
I think a positive outlook helps create resilience. Challenges don't overwhelm you. You figure out a way to manage them. You are also not swayed too far to the extremes with negative and troubling affairs of the world. I've found this more true the older I get but I think that's because I've developed (IMO) some perspective and have started trying to see certain issues from both sides.....and I usually land in the middle somewhere, mostly. This has really helped me alot.
I've been intermittently prone to anxiety that was attributed to the trauma of growing up in a violent alcoholic household. I often wondered if my positive attitude was just the face I put on for the world when I was a little girl so no one would see how troubled we were, but I don't believe that entirely. I think we might be born with a certain disposition.....and then we feed that part of us.
"We will handle it, "Conscience"!" (I have my own name for my conscience). When doubt comes up with what ifs to this or that, that's what I say. On some fronts, that is the ability to think on one's feet, on others, that is being a generalist with a whole bag of tricks (and thinking to have such capability always at hand), and then, in others, it is being the sayer of "My Lord President, I do not think you appreciate the seriousness of the situation," though to always think that last way can be tiresome.
Like now. I was due to drive 3 hours to festival on Saturday on a ticket only good for that day but.....the home supply feed pipe from my well storage silo, that's full, isn't working. I could say go on with the planned trip and worry about the well after I get back, I have back up water supplies, but first it hit me that I wouldn't enjoy myself, my thoughts all being back home. Now, a few hours after the cancel decision has been made, my mind is busy working on what I need to buy in town on Saturday, hope to be able to buy in town, to ease the stress of this crisis until the repair crew can get here....earliest is Monday, if then.
At first, I thought I was going to spend the day sitting at home, monitoring the situation but doing nothing but now, something of a plan is forming, giving me justification (and perhaps wisdom) to not throwing things to the wind.
Figuring one's way out, the ability to stand on one's two feet, that could be part of it, too!
It's great to be positive and cheerful within your own little world if that's how you approach life. Good for you. But it's not right to be a Pollyanna to those who are struggling with real problems. Just because YOU make lemonade out of lemons or think life's a bowl of cherries and that tomorrow will be a better day and things will work out, doesn't help an elderly lady who's living on $1300 a month of SS and has a $500 car repair and whose roof just started leaking or someone whose son just died from an overdose or someone who just got a cancer diagnosis.
If there's anything "not normal" about being cheerful all the time, maybe it's that these people do not have the courage to really hear and understand those who are struggling. Maybe they feel better sticking their heads in the sand like ostriches and they can't bear facing reality?
Another comedic actor, the late Dudley Moore, was born with a deformed leg. I saw him in an interview wherein he said he learned early to be the one to bring his deformity to the attention of others and make them laugh about it before they could mock him first. That's how he honed his comedy skills.
I don’t think you can judge Robin Williams outlook by his suicide. He had Lewy Body dementia a particularly aggressive and fast moving form. I think he didn’t want a future in which he was dependent on caregivers to do everything for him nor put his family through watching his decline. I think he was showing symptoms and depressed about what the future held.
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