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Why not just say no if you’re suspicious of their ‘motive’ (lol) or don’t want them to ask you a question. It’s simple and straightforward.
Actually, asking ‘why do you need to ask me a question’ appears elusive and defensive as well.
Heh, you are not contractually obligated to answer if you change your mind (nor is it a trap); it doesn’t make any difference whether they preface their question with a request for permission to ask or not.
That said, can I ask you a question? Kidding, of course, but your perspective sounds rather defensive/angry, as a whole.
I am not angry or defensive in person when I get asked "Can I ask you a question?"
My answer is usually "sure".
If I don't like the question I am pretty good at deflecting.
The thread just reminds me that I find this type of question is often a red flag warning that I am about to be cross examined.
Since no one really needs permission to ask a question, why the "politeness"?
And if you already know (or think you know) the answer, then no need to "ask" at all, just come right out and say what is on your mind, no need for confirmation from me.
I am hard of hearing. If you asked me a question straight off, I am very unlikely to understand or respond, even with my hearing aids on.
Getting my attention first with an introduction like "can I ask you a question", helps me a lot. If the person asking you a question is hard of hearing, they may say "can I ask you a question", because they appreciate it for themselves and may forget that not everybody needs it the way we do.
I need to make sure they have my attention too. They can ask whatever they want, doesn't mean I'll answer it. I usually say Hi, may I ask you a question?
And hard to avoid when it is a spouse or other household member.
I don't get that from family members or friends; they just ask because they know I'll decide to answer or not. It's usually a stranger or acquaintance that will ask that, and I will answer in kind. It could be a rude question or it might be completely innocent.
And it is sort of a trap. If you say "yes" (the expected answer) then you are kind of committing to answering whatever the question is (usually something that puts you on the spot).
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
A good answer is "Why do you need to ask me a question?" which might flush out the motive or even better "never mind".
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
I am not angry or defensive in person when I get asked "Can I ask you a question?"
My answer is usually "sure".
Then why did you state a good answer is ‘why do you need to ask me a question’ relative to their potential motive, lol (or that it’s a trap which ultimately ‘puts you on the spot’). You sound as though you have many skeletons in your closet; again, kidding. :-)
Then why did you state a good answer is ‘why do you need to ask me a question’ relative to their potential motive, lol (or that it’s a trap which ultimately ‘puts you on the spot’). You sound as though you have many skeletons in your closet; again, kidding. :-)
No more skeletons than the average person. I am not referring to them anyway.
It's more in the line of "Why?" questions that are really not questions at all.
Ex: Can I ask you a question?
Ok.
Why don't you like my mother?
The thread just reminds me that I find this type of question is often a red flag warning that I am about to be cross examined.
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
And it is sort of a trap. If you say "yes" (the expected answer) then you are kind of committing to answering whatever the question is (usually something that puts you on the spot).
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
A good answer is "Why do you need to ask me a question?" which might flush out the motive or even better "never mind".
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
I am not angry or defensive in person when I get asked "Can I ask you a question?"
My answer is usually "sure".
Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500
No more skeletons than the average person. I am not referring to them anyway.
It's more in the line of "Why?" questions that are really not questions at all.
Ex: Can I ask you a question?
Ok.
Why don't you like my mother?
Again, I was kidding re: skeletons relative to your various posts in this thread and your immediate thought you’re about to be ‘cross-examined’; it didn’t call for a serious response.
That said, from my perspective, it’s harmless to ask permission prior to a question. I wouldn’t analyze it; I’d say ‘sure’ and then answer the question, if/when appropriate relative to how well I know or like them. You’re making it more complicated than it need be.
No more skeletons than the average person. I am not referring to them anyway.
It's more in the line of "Why?" questions that are really not questions at all.
Ex: Can I ask you a question?
Ok.
Why don't you like my mother?
I can imagine some people who are kind of passive aggressive doing this.
But if they did not do it this way, they'd find another way. Like so many things, the underlying intent probably matters more than whatever words are used to execute it, no?
But like if I pop my head into my husband's room and say, "Hey can I ask you something?" then I wait a moment for him to pause his Youtube video he's watching or whatever and be like, "yeah what's up?"
"Did you already feed the cat? I know he's a con artist..."
"Would you like to go see a movie this weekend?"
"Do you mind if I move your car?"
"Were you planning on going to the store today? Could you pick up trash bags? Thanks!"
"Can I ask you a question?" is often a prelude to an intrusive and/or confrontational inquiry.
And it is sort of a trap. If you say "yes" (the expected answer) then you are kind of committing to answering whatever the question is (usually something that puts you on the spot).
Saying "no" puts you in the position of appearing elusive, defensive and brusque.
A good answer is "Why do you need to ask me a question?" which might flush out the motive or even better "never mind".
Almost all of the time, the phrase is innocent and a simple interrogative. However... remembering back to my time working at the state hospital, there were at least two patients that used it regularly as a pry or opening to engage and then quickly slip into their own issues in one way or another. As such, it crossed the line into manipulation. Their use of the phrase was close to constant, borderline aggressive, and unlike the way others might ask it.
In such cases, I have to wonder if the individuals were too abrupt and demanding as children in a non-supportive family, and their defense against being told that it is impolite to interrupt was "Can I ask you a question?" to give the parent or adult notice and ask if the timing was alright without getting a beating.
OK I will clarify. "Can I ask you a question?" may or may not signify trouble ahead.
I am thinking more of "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"
To me this sounds like "I know you probably won't like me asking, but ....".
We have better stuff to worry/be offended about, imo.
This. I guess if we don't have enough issues, we need to find some.
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