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The use of the word "desperate" to me in this context brings up the idea that people who go online looking for a partner are unable to find someone any place else. While I'm sure this is the case for some people who do this, I would wager that the *vast* majority see this as a good tool to meet people that they otherwise would not meet in their everyday life.
Sure, there are people on the Net who misrepresent themselves, as there are in the offline world. However, if one uses a modicum of common sense, this pretty much becomes a non-issue.
In terms of my own situation, and the "meeting" vs "dating" thing...I had been chatting with my now bf for about a year or so on an online forum before we became serious. He was about 1000 miles away, and we arranged for me to go visit him about 4 months after we knew this was "something". I'm not too much into "dating anniversaries", but when asked, I do say that we've been dating since February of 2006, the time of our first physical meeting.
I found out a LOT about him in those 4 months though. With web cams, phone and other tools, you can certainly find out a lot about a person. The one thing that truly bugged me though was that he was "separated". He indicated that he had been away from his wife for about a year and a half, but I knew that this was something that I would not be sure of until I actually went there and saw it for myself. Sure enough, upon my first minute or so in his house, I was convinced.
I think that quite a few people fall into the trap of "falling in love" before they actually meet and spend time with someone. My general view is to each their own, but personally I believe that the meeting is necessary, and should be done as soon as practicable.
In my own circumstance, I wouldn't label my finding someone online as desperate, in the least. I found someone with common interests as my own, and it went from there.
And yet, as you point out, you knew "this was something" for four months prior to your physical meeting.
Any online intimacies shared during that time, during which you stated yourselves as a couple? or during which you shared sweet nothings about yourselves with one another, stories and anecdotes meant in a more-than-casually-told-during-a-dinner-party fashion?
HOW did you "know it was something"?
Aside from comparing pros and cons of the whole thing, and again -- never having said one was better or worse than the other -- the remainder of my point was that one method kind of reverses the pattern initiated by the other in its more traditional capacity.
Whether one calls it dating or not, there are activities associated with traditional dating which take place prior to physical meeting when relationships are begun over the internet. Through the Net, through the phone, webcams, etc -- that's the whole point. You hae this sense of intimacy with someone and you spend time communicating and learning about their life and attitudes.
IE., dating.
And then you meet physically. I don't know if this is the only time you've done this, mishigas73 -- but would you deny that when you went to physically meet this guy AFTER 4 months of "knowing this was something" you already felt a sense of HOPE that this would work out which was different than the sense of curiosity one might feel after a traditional first date wherein you liked someone, found them attractive?
For all the fuss which seems to have struck up, that's really all I've ever said: The process is reversed from one to the other and has its own inherent pitfalls. I could just as easily have been arguing about the pros, such as getting to know a lot about a person all the sooner since people tend to open up across the Net in ways that take longer traditionally.
And yet, as you point out, you knew "this was something" for four months prior to your physical meeting.
Yup, I knew enough about him to know that I wanted to travel over 1000 miles to meet him. Nothing more, nothing less.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
Any online intimacies shared during that time, during which you stated yourselves as a couple? or during which you shared sweet nothings about yourselves with one another, stories and anecdotes meant in a more-than-casually-told-during-a-dinner-party fashion?
Nope, we were not a couple prior to the meeting. And, yes, we did share intimacies. More though, on a friendship level than anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
HOW did you "know it was something"?
How do you know when you meet someone at work, the library or a bar that you want to ask them out on a date? There's something there. More than that though, ever have a friend that you wanted to me "more"? That's more like this was. You have a gut feeling, a connection that you feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
For all the fuss which seems to have struck up, that's really all I've ever said: The process is reversed from one to the other and has its own inherent pitfalls. I could just as easily have been arguing about the pros, such as getting to know a lot about a person all the sooner since people tend to open up across the Net in ways that take longer traditionally.
Yes, of course there are pitfalls. However, I'm sure you'll understand that for those of use who have taken the more *erm* technological route to finding a SO, that comments like yours, no matter how well-intended, have a tendency to hit the wrong chord sometimes.
Bottom line is this: I felt a connection with this guy that, over the past 4 1/2 years has been proven correct. In my mind, finding someone through online means is a no-brainer. Just another tool that, when used properly, can be very beneficial.
I've never done it myself but, no I don't think it's desperate. It's the same as meeting someone at a laudromat, store, or at a club. You still have to get to know them regardless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyturquoise
Please give me your honest answers here...do you believe that meeting someone online versus the traditional way (thru work,friends,etc) is taken as a sign of desperation and used as last resort... Thanks
Of course not. But the term "online dating" should never actually mean that anyone is dating online...that is ludicrous in itself. Online dating is simply a first step in FINDING a person. Just like running into someone in the library, or a friend who "has a friend", or any other method. You'll never get to know the *real* person, until you actually spend time with them. You don't date online...that term itself is such a misnomer.
Aaaaactually, as with almost all other technologies, new and improved versions do become available. At Locate Your Love :: Helping You Find the Right Relationship, you can actually "go on a date online" with someone! Not only do they have "virtual chatting", much like Skype, but you can choose a movie to watch together and chat during and after! How cool is that?
Yes, of course there are pitfalls. However, I'm sure you'll understand that for those of use who have taken the more *erm* technological route to finding a SO, that comments like yours, no matter how well-intended, have a tendency to hit the wrong chord sometimes.
And therein lies the bottom line of my perplexed position:
WHAT did I say that could be taken in such a manner as to either put people on the defensive (especially having said from the outset each method had pros and cons) or to suggest in any way, shape or form that traditional was better so that someone who took a more technological route would find that wrong chord hit?
It seems people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear whether any such thing was ever STATED or not, let alone intended.
It seems people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear whether any such thing was ever STATED or not, let alone intended.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Urban, take a look at your first post.
Have YOU ever began a relationship online? My wager is no. If I'm wrong in that, it wouldn't be the first time, but I like to call them as I see them. What I saw in your post is the ramblings of someone who *thinks* they know, but are not quite there. And, THAT'S what I was responding to.
Why else would you have asked me "how I knew this guy was special"? Your inquiries, to me, scream that they are from someone who hasn't done this personally. And, that's all good. Frankly, I don't give two hoots how someone finds love. But, I'd like to think that someone who has strong beliefs on this particular issue would actually have some real life experience to back it up.
Desperate? What a silly word. Desperate people are those who hit up on the closest available warm body, not those who sign up for a dating site and browse thru profiles in the comfort of their own home. Honestly, it's the way the world works now. For instance, I just got back from a week of volunteering--a time honored way to meet people--and every man, attractive or not, was either married or younger than 22. Many of these men are my closest friends and I won't say I'm not tempted at times, but I really have no desire to start something with a married man and/or his son, lol. If I were desperate, I would.
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If I were desperate, I would.
