Is it weird for me to get upset over this? (friend, girls)

[wanneroo]

Originally Posted by dxiweodwo

^^ You see that's exactly what my biggest fear is!

I have discussed it with my friend before, he shows a huge amount of disrespect to me.

Remember, actions not just words. On your end as well.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by Melissa78703

You need to break up with her now.

Regardless of how much you "trust" this female, she clearly doesn't know the meaning of the word "boundaries," and I don't think you understand what they are.

I'm not sure how old you are, but you sound young. I meet a lot of younger people who were not taught by their parents what behaviors are appropriate and which are unacceptable. This girl is behaving extremely inappropriately. When I mean "inappropriate," that's another word for "wrong." As in, not socially acceptable, not something any rational-minded person should ever tolerate.

It's never right for the woman you're seeing to be talking on the phone with your best guy friend, and this holds true for the rest of your life. The only exception is if she is in the same room with the two of you presen. If you happen to step away, she may make light, pleasant conversation about the weather. But she should never speak to him with such familiarity, without your knowledge or behind your back.

Do you understand why?

I don't think the problem is that she talks to the best friend, but that she disregards his feelings. Assuming that the OP is not a control freak and jealous of everyone she talks to, which does not strike me as true, if she cared for the OP he would really, really KNOW that and not be jealous. Just the fact that she is not caring about his feelings is a signal to me that the relationship is going nowhere fast. When he drops her she will probably end up with the best friend for a bit, but she may be just the type who thrives on jealousy and discord and may soon end the relationship with the friend IF the OP just sort of ignores the situation (very hard for him to do, judging from this thread).
She sounds insensitive and not someone you could build any sort of future with.
Maybe in a few years, if she grows up.
I say dump her, but realize that if you make a ruckus when she runs into the arms of the friend, you may lose the friend, as well.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by malamute

It's not that there is anything going on between them, she's playing the two of you. Totally wrong. A woman or girl who would try to create a wedge between a guy and his best friend isn't worth your time. Remember - pals before gals - you're going to end up losing your best friend and that's a shame.

Yes. I think it is fine that he gave this number out, because he now knows the material that she is cut from.
She sounds as though she is on a power trip and likes to manipulate OR that she loves drama and is playing him.
I wouldn't even bother explaining to her. He's done that already. I just would never be available to her any more. Let her draw her own conclusions.
Tell the friend you are not seeing her and if he wants her, he can have her. As far as you're concerned she's just not your type.
See how long he carries on with this 'damaged goods' dame.
The hard part is not to react if the friend and she are together for a short time, which may happen because she probably feels there is more manipulation or emotions that she can drain out of the situation.
I wouldn't be surprised if she goes out with the friend and starts texting the OP during that time. Just DO NOT respond.
There are a lot of nutty people out there who seem perfectly normal. You have to have enough experience in life or be with them for a time in order to spot them for the goof balls that they are and DO NOT commit yourself until you are sure that the other person is not dysfunctional.
You are lucky that you found this out about her sooner rather than later.
This may sound jaundiced, but there are folks you have a good time with and folks you can get serious with. Don't confuse the two.
What's that saying - don't throw your pearls before swine?
If you felt solid with someone it would not matter who they spoke to or how often they did it. You would just KNOW it was fine. To reach that point, though, you have to have a lot of experience with a lot of different people and you have to be observant about them and you also have to look inside yourself and know where your own feelings come from and where you are being rational and where you might be reacting out of your own insecurities.
It takes time to choose a really satisfactory partner and it takes time to make yourself into a good partner, too.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by dxiweodwo

Hello everyone.


Well, I've been dating this girl for about 7 months.....and I really have strong feelings for her and I trust her with all my heart.

But, about 3 weeks ago I gave her my best friends phone number and they talk to each other A LOT....and I mean A LOT. And when we talk on the phone I can hear her texting him and she's always exclaiming over how nice he is. I sometimes get mildly upset over it and she in return gets mad at me because she thinks that I don't trust her. But I really do. I just can't help getting jealous I mean there are somedays that she talks to him more than she talks to ME and when I get jealous she gets mad at me...I always tell her that if she was in my shoes that she would get upset too...but I don't really know.

So in your opinion, should this bother me? If you were me would this upset you?

Thanks!

Good grief.

1. Be upset with yourself for being foolish enough to give her your friend's number.

2. Be upset with her for even taking it, never mind using it.

3. Be grateful for the opportunity to learn not to be so foolish again.

4. Be grateful that she has shown you what an immature twit she is before you did something even dumber--like propose.

[Nite Ryder]

Originally Posted by dxiweodwo

Look....I am not trying to control her or anything. It just seems odd that she likes to talk to him so much it just seems really odd to me! But I will admit that I am only 17 and by no means an "expert" on relationships I am only an amateur...it just seems very weird to me. I never try to make a big deal out of it but it's just always in the back of my head. She does the same to me she's always really suspicious of me whenever I go to work she thinks I'm flirting with other girls

If you would have just said you were 17 to begin with, you would have saved a lot of writing. Yes, you are an amateur, and with that in mind, I'd forget about this whole thing and find another girlfriend. It isn't as if this is the last girl you will ever date. Chaulk this up as a learning experience and move on.

[miyu]

Obviously they have a connection with each other. It might just be the excitement of a new thing, but it is obvious. You can't control this, nor can you force her not to like him. I think the best thing is to acknowledge it and then decide on what you are going to do about it. Maybe have a 3-way meeting to discuss what is going on. Otherwise, just break up with her and give her your blessings.

Jealousy doesn't really help, it can only hurt. I know it hurts when stuff like this happens, but addressing it in a mature way will always be for the best. They can't help it that they have that connection... at least you will still have 2 friends left at the end of the day if you approach this in a mature way. Then go find another girlfriend.

[Melissa78703]

Originally Posted by miyu

Jealousy doesn't really help, it can only hurt. I know it hurts when stuff like this happens, but addressing it in a mature way will always be for the best. They can't help it that they have that connection... at least you will still have 2 friends left at the end of the day if you approach this in a mature way. Then go find another girlfriend.

Exactly!

To the OP: You know the best thing you can do to stick in this girl's memory and let her know the stuff you are made of? Walk away and don't look back. Go on about your life. Jealousy is a sign of weakness. It tells this girl that she has a HOLD on you.

I remember when I was your age and pulled stupid stunts like "Oh, I'm gonna make my boyfriend jealous!" The guy who would not tolerate my B.S. was the one who walked away immediately and was only polite and cordial whenever we ran into each other subsequently. But, he set clear rules and boundaries and stuck to them.

[America13]

OP: A great man once said, "A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends." George Washington

The girl is amusing herself with your unhappiness and you should distance yourself from her - permanently. Perhaps your resolve will teach her to respect others and hopefully prevent someone else from having to experience these "games" with her in the future. It will also encourage you to have enough respect for yourself to not tolerate this type of behavior from others. It's childish and mean-spirited to treat someone in this fashion. Hard lesson? Perhaps...but that's life and life isn't always easy.

Your relationship with your "friend" should also be reevaluated for substance - it doesn't appear from your statements to be a real friendship. A real friend wouldn't be content to see you saddened and distressed.

Best Regards. (Oh, to be 17 again.......)

[HurricaneDC]

Dump her and maybe your friend as well. I remember I tried going out with a girl who was part of my circle of good friends, and it didn't work out well I think partly because 1) I was sort of in the 'friend zone' and 2) she was also always talking to some other guys in our circle of friends, but hey since she'd known them since childhood it wasn't a huge deal

Then I had a girlfriend who I trusted for the most part, but she was always talking to this kid who I didn't really know (he went to her school, I had graduated already). I was always a bit suspicious about it, since she'd talk to him so much sometimes even ignoring me when I was online yet she was conversing away with this punk, and she'd often bring him up in conversation. But I never said much.

We ended up breaking up and not a month later she was going out with aforementioned kid.

So yeah, go with your gut feeling that this two-bit slag has ulterior motives and break things off. I think it's worse that it's your best friend she's talking and talking and talking to.

[dxiweodwo]

*Update*

I decided to play her little mind game...and I told her that we need a break. Now she's all upset at me, typical I'm gonna talk to other girls...I deserve better than this.