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Why does it bother so many people about others asking questions? In my opinion, someone asking me if I am going to have more children is no more invasive than someone asking me when I am going to get a new car...not a big deal at all...there are MANY other things that are more offensive that people think they have the right to ask all the time!
Why does it bother so many people about others asking questions? In my opinion, someone asking me if I am going to have more children is no more invasive than someone asking me when I am going to get a new car...not a big deal at all...there are MANY other things that are more offensive that people think they have the right to ask all the time!
That is different. You already have children and you are married. The OP is single and not going to have kids. It is a intrusive to ask a single that especially since she can't understand why she is so single. Society does look at obtaining a family and a successful marriage as an accomplishment. And if though she may be great at her career, society makes her feel ostracized and abnormal because she is single and without child. But in your case to be asked when are you having more kids isn't bad;because you already have the family so there is no shame in that.
That is different. You already have children and you are married. The OP is single and not going to have kids. It is a intrusive to ask a single that especially since she can't understand why she is so single. Society does look at obtaining a family and a successful marriage as an accomplishment. And if though she may be great at her career, society makes her feel ostracized and abnormal because she is single and without child. But in your case to be asked when are you having more kids isn't bad;because you already have the family so there is no shame in that.
It isn't different...why is it different? Society does not make anyone feel anything...she allows herself to feel ostracized and abnormal. No one can make you feel anything...feelings are about the only thing we have total control over.
I can't tell you how many times I am asked if I am going to go back into the workforce in a full time capacity and it doesn't bother me at all because I have no problem with my position in life...
It isn't different...why is it different? Society does not make anyone feel anything...she allows herself to feel ostracized and abnormal. No one can make you feel anything...feelings are about the only thing we have total control over.
I can't tell you how many times I am asked if I am going to go back into the workforce in a full time capacity and it doesn't bother me at all because I have no problem with my position in life...
don't agree.
I have only started getting the "urge" for kids recently. However I do know I am still not quite ready yet.
I have been told things like I am selfish, queried "what is wrong with you" and been made to feel like I am some terrible monster when I would say "I'm not sure if I will have kids"
Then you get the general accusation that you don't like kids.
I have definitely been made to feel abnormal for not wanting to do cartwheels down the aisle and become a mum straight away.
don't agree.
I have only started getting the "urge" for kids recently. However I do know I am still not quite ready yet.
I have been told things like I am selfish, queried "what is wrong with you" and been made to feel like I am some terrible monster when I would say "I'm not sure if I will have kids"
Then you get the general accusation that you don't like kids.
I have definitely been made to feel abnormal for not wanting to do cartwheels down the aisle and become a mum straight away.
My point was missed...how can another person MAKE you feel something? This statement implies that you are not in control of your own feelings....
My point was missed...how can another person MAKE you feel something? This statement implies that you are not in control of your own feelings....
for me I started to actually think there was something wrong with me - should I be in my late 20's and still not have the urge?
Until I spoke to some other older women who said it kicked in for them at a bit later.
Whilst I am in control of my own thoughts and feelings, to have numerous women bail you up because you're not conforming to their way of life or beliefs is fustrating and down right annoying.
My standard response was ignore their question, and ask when they were having their next child.
My point was missed...how can another person MAKE you feel something? This statement implies that you are not in control of your own feelings....
Let's say you went to get a quick haircut on your lunch break and when you came back, your coworkers jokingly made fun of it.
Then, when you left work and stopped by the grocery store, people stared at you, and when you got to the cashier and were casually chatting with her, she made a joke about your hair as well.
Next, you drove home and walked in your front door and your children look at you quizzically and say, "Daddy? Did you get a haircut?"
Now, if you're a "normal" person, you would, at this point, probably go and inspect your haircut in the mirror. Why? Because people DO have an impact on each other and you may wonder if you're missing something that everyone else is seeing.
In the end, you may decide that everyone's crazy, or just not good with change, or a 100 other reasons why they're wrong, but there will be at least a few minutes there where you wonder if you're missing something that everyone else is seeing.
If you're impervious to what other people think at all times, then good for you, but really, that's not typical. Most people *are* impacted by how others see them.
Let's say you went to get a quick haircut on your lunch break and when you came back, your coworkers jokingly made fun of it.
Then, when you left work and stopped by the grocery store, people stared at you, and when you got to the cashier and were casually chatting with her, she made a joke about your hair as well.
Next, you drove home and walked in your front door and your children look at you quizzically and say, "Daddy? Did you get a haircut?"
Now, if you're a "normal" person, you would, at this point, probably go and inspect your haircut in the mirror. Why? Because people DO have an impact on each other and you may wonder if you're missing something that everyone else is seeing.
In the end, you may decide that everyone's crazy, or just not good with change, or a 100 other reasons why they're wrong, but there will be at least a few minutes there where you wonder if you're missing something that everyone else is seeing.
If you're impervious to what other people think at all times, then good for you, but really, that's not typical. Most people *are* impacted by how others see them.
We need to put this back into perspective here....you originally posted that people were asking you when you were going to have children but now you are comparing it to being mocked? People asking a question out of curiosity is far different than someone mocking you due to a mean streak...
We need to put this back into perspective here....you originally posted that people were asking you when you were going to have children but now you are comparing it to being mocked? People asking a question out of curiosity is far different than someone mocking you due to a mean streak...
I agree. While it's a personal question (nosy, inappropriate), having kids is a normal part of life--normal in that most people do it. We're animals. We procreate, like almost all living creatures do. I don't think most people assign a value to it, as if not having kids means you are a lesser being, but it's common enough that people who don't spawn do stand out. It's like you said about going back into the workforce, Mrs. Most people have jobs, or they want jobs, so, "What do you do for a living?" is just something people say to make conversation.
Questions like this don't bother me. Figure people are just making conversation, or if it's a guy... maybe he's fishing for info?
I'm always asked if I have kids, "no", why not?, "tried, did the in vitro thing, didn't work"
"But I have a cat. He's shown no interest in college so I figure it all worked out for the best".
/lol
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