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My wife knows we go to lunch... She knows the topic of conversation. She also knows that I am in no way attracted to the lady. My wife is also a very confident as a woman and in me as her husband being faithful. She jokes more than anything about the "old" lady hitting on me. She has no concerns.
My concern is not offending my spouse or me falling victim to this lady's advances if she made any. I'm more worried about misreading the situation and coming off as a self-absorbed guy who thinks every woman is trying to hit on me. I would hate to give off the impression that I'm pulling back when she is not pushing forward.
She is testing the waters, but as long as you are comfortable with her, and you don't mind her thinking about you as more than just a platonic lunch buddy, I say don't worry about it. Unrequited sexual tension can be a lot of fun (though not as fun as the not-so-unrequited variety).
If it were me, I would already be thinking about eating at the Y.
I'd also like to know how the OP would feel in the roles were reversed and his wife was having frequent lunches with a male coworker?
And in particular...what if his wife was having frequent lunches with a male coworker who had feelings for her? I kind of doubt he wouldnt be just the slightest bit wary.
And in particular...what if his wife was having frequent lunches with a male coworker who had feelings for her? I kind of doubt he wouldnt be just the slightest bit wary.
OP?
First off... I never said she had feelings for me. I think she does, but have nothing factual to base this on. Just my gut.
My wife and I both have a similar demeanor and thoughts on things...
This post is about me and not my spouse... So the hypothetical scenario is not something I would like to even go down.
There is a woman that I do business with frequently. She is much older than I am (15 years) and she is married. So am I by the way. Several of my other business partners have said they think she has a crush on me and even go so far as to call her my cougar. I can tell she flirts with me but its not big deal to me cause I do not look at her in that way. I have never told her she is attractive or nice looking even though she is attractive. I really do not flirt back in other words. I just learned at a young age to stay professional around women when doing business (my eyes never go below the neck).
She has invited me to lunch several times. The first time I went with other business partners so it was a group of us. The next time we went alone. It wasn't anything taboo. Just lunch, talking about kids and business. Now she asks me every other week to go to lunch. So we have been about a half dozen times. She has starting telling me about her marriage being in trouble and how her husband is out of town weeks at a time. I mainly listen and do not talk much about myself and my situation. She asks me for help with things I think she should be asking her husband like auto maintenance, house, and kid advice. So even though nothing is going on is she some how making me her platonic boy toy?
Do you all think these are inappropriate lunches? Should I stop going with her? I would prefer to hear from women... but men you can chime in too I guess.
She's on the prowl and she's looking for her boytoy..not saying your a boy.
If you dont like her than stop going to these lunches your only encouraging her..
First off... I never said she had feelings for me. I think she does, but have nothing factual to base this on. Just my gut.
My wife and I both have a similar demeanor and thoughts on things...
This post is about me and not my spouse... So the hypothetical scenario is not something I would like to even go down.
Well it sounds like you already have your mind made up then. You're just looking for validation that it's ok I guess. I think it's leading her on, but that's JMO. Enjoy the office rumors.
It's tough to say from what little we know. Could be she just enjoys your company and commiserating with you. You might just be a breath of fresh air to her. I would say just proceed with caution. If it seems as though she's steering things towards another level then it's time to cancel lunches. Take it a day at a time.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Campton Springs
Well it sounds like you already have your mind made up then. You're just looking for validation that it's ok I guess. I think it's leading her on, but that's JMO. Enjoy the office rumors.
On the contrary. I got the impression he was looking for validation that what he's thinking is right. He said he's not comfortable with it.
My wife knows we go to lunch... She knows the topic of conversation. She also knows that I am in no way attracted to the lady. My wife is also a very confident as a woman and in me as her husband being faithful. She jokes more than anything about the "old" lady hitting on me. She has no concerns.
My concern is not offending my spouse or me falling victim to this lady's advances if she made any. I'm more worried about misreading the situation and coming off as a self-absorbed guy who thinks every woman is trying to hit on me. I would hate to give off the impression that I'm pulling back when she is not pushing forward.
This is only one person, and she may be hitting on you. I don't think you are that self absorbed. You are reading the signs and they are making you uncomfortable.
If your wife doesn't mind and you keep it platonic it shouldn't be a problem. You still need to tread lightly.
Are you worried that you may have to end up hurting this womans feelings? Is she a coworker or a superior? Honestly if you don't like her (I'm assuming) why would you go to lunch with her anyway?
Why put yourself in a situation like that? Would you want your wife going out with a guy you knew wanted her?
You know your wife better than me, but I know women and even if they seem ok with something, if its borderline they are bound to snap at any moment
Last edited by intelfan11315; 11-10-2010 at 02:09 PM..
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