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A co-worker of mine recently told me that she's getting a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. She and her husband have a 13 year old and a 5 year old. I asked her why and she says because she feels too tied down, that she never got to have fun when she was young because she got married at age 20. Neither she nor her husband were cheating, she was just bored with him and says she never really loved him. She says he's a good man and a good father but she married for security and wants to see what else is out there. She can't wait for the divorce to be final so she can go out and date again and next time marry for love (she won't date before the marriage is legally over and has nobody in mind).
I think she's nuts and I feel really sorry for her husband who apparently did not want the divorce but isn't making a fuss over it because it was obvious his wife had her mind made up. They've already reached an amicable agreement about custody.
It just seems crazy to me
I've seen a couple threads recently, from men, basically saying the same thing. I think they're nuts too.
Unfortunately, this happens a lot with couples who married too young
She's not "crazy", she's just being foolish. She's getting older and feeling the stress of maybe having not "lived" enough. It happens - though most do eventually find that the grass is not greener on the other side.
There will come a day when she truly regrets what she has done to her family, but she can't see that now. Sad.
The answer to the thread title is: No, not really.
I seriously don't know why people get married when they don't mean "til death do us part" or "for better or for worse".
To play devil's advocate let me say this...I'm betting the vast majority of folks truly mean those vows at the time they say them.
But life happens, and sometimes the things life dishes out at us can overwhelm us or even bury us emotionally.
Many times we are just too naive, or too inexperienced, to really understand the weighty committment that comes with those vows. Being the humans that we are, we are very fallable and much weaker than we really want to admit. Not to be preachy, but to me this is why we need God in our marriages and lives. Not saying people can't be successfully married without Him, just saying more marriages that fail could have benefited from His presence
To play devil's advocate let me say this...I'm betting the vast majority of folks truly mean those vows at the time they say them.
I don't know if that's true. Most people I know didn't mean it when they said it. Even if they did love the person, thier first thought was for themselves.
But as I've said before, the 2 longest marriages I've ever seen were between my mom and step dad who was violent to my brother and did drugs thoughout thier relationship and marriage. And another marriage where everything seemed pretty ok til it was revealed that he had been molesting her daughter for years. So maybe I'm just getting bad examples because I don't know of a single good marriage in my family or friendships?
There's no way to tell if most people mean it or most people don't. So let's just agree that the people who don't are idiots?
Well, I think (not sure though) that she makes more money than her husband. She has a good job, and job security at least for the foreseeable future. I'm sure she's getting some child support, but then again she has the kids the majority of the time as well. Money does not seem to be a factor at all in this decision. She just wants hot Mr. Excitement to come knocking on her door
This is why child custody is often done wrong. She's the one who wants to dump the other parent because he's not exciting and she believes she is. But if he's a good parent, why should he be cut out of his children's lives just because he's not some hot stud?
Child custody should be given to the more stable parent and since she's earning plenty, it won't hurt her to provide child support to the father while she goes off in search of infatuation and hot sex.
It would needle in the back of my mind that she left a decent man of 20 yrs because she was "bored" kind of a bullshyt reason to leave a man and break up a family.
She could do that to me in a heartbeat too.
So a couple of dates and a few laughs, but not a real relationship material.
It is funny to me that people always put the responsibility of being entertained on others. I'd say someone telling me they are always "BORED" is a MAJOR red flag.
To me if you want to live a life of freedom and leisure, don't get married, don't latch and leech off of other people. However, I think once you sign up for marriage and have children, you've made a commitment that should not be easily broken, just because you are "bored".
Absolutely! Another guy at my office never takes vacation. He has a wife and four kids and uses his vacation days when he or a family member is sick (instead of using sick leave which he's hoarding for retirement purposes), or to do projects around the house. His poor wife stays at home all day with the little ones and never gets to even have a romantic weekend away. This co-worker could come home one day and find divorce papers. I sure wouldn't put up with that crap.
I'm single and take at least three or four out of town vacations every year to relax, sightsee and recharge my batteries. If I get married, that is not going to change - any guy who would expect me to give that up wouldn't be the right man for me.
I know a few family members that obsess with being seen working all the time and their personal self worth is based on how much work they accomplished 7 days a week.
As a result I'd say their family relationships are sub par and don't realize their full potential.
I think it's a part of our culture, which in the past I think has helped us succeed as a country, however I think like Japan started to experience back in the late 1980's, we've overdone it.
A lot of married couples I think are stupid. They put the children first which I think has done nothing for us as a culture. Yes children need to be cared for and taught, but spoiled and the center of attention, heck no. People need to look after themselves and their health and second their relationship with their partner.
To accomplish that, IMHO people in marriages need to do 2 things. One is they need to find a way to give their partner time outside of home and work to have some sort of personal interest or time alone. The second is to find ways you can do things as a couple and that you need quiet time as a couple without the kids around.
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and has nobody in mind).
