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Unread 03-06-2011, 07:11 PM
 
Location: US, California - federalist
2,795 posts, read 1,541,509 times
Reputation: 467
I usually forget that part of dating and relationships when I use money; simply because it is not something I would ever think to pay for. You may be right about that and it may be another reason why I am so lackadaisical when it comes relationships, when I don't have enough money.
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Unread 03-06-2011, 08:32 PM
 
16,883 posts, read 14,733,632 times
Reputation: 16044
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Good to back after a bit of a layoff.

Does anyone think that being on your own too young makes it difficult to enter a long term relationship/marriage? Im 35 and have been on my own 16 years.(Not by choice though) As I have had carte blanche in my activities personally, i found that It put me in this gear to where I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect.

I have been in some relationships, long term even but truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.

I work a standard 40 hour week, but I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time. My job requires social skills as well. now I have had plenty of good times, but as i get older I am feeling a strain.

Anyone else ever felt this way? Esp after 30?
I've known far too many people that married after the age of 35 to think that you can be "alone too long". If you still feel that you want marriage and have it in you to work hard at it, then you have as much chance as the next guy.
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Unread 03-06-2011, 08:47 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,132 posts, read 2,285,849 times
Reputation: 2499
I understand where you're coming from. I'm over 40 and after a few years of wallowing in the misery of being alone, I moved to a new city, made new friends and find myself busier than ever. I have a job I love and I work quite a bit of overtime. I also have several hobbies that take up a lot of time, as well as activities with a couple of meetup groups. I want to have the time to dedicate to a man and right now I don't feel like I do. Sure, I could change my schedule to fit dating into it, but I just don't care right now. Maybe in a few months I'll feel different but I'm happy with my life as it is right now.

Another issue for me is health related and I don't want to date anyone until this problem is over and done with, which may require surgery, or may require nothing. I won't know for a little while.
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Unread 03-08-2011, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
6,655 posts, read 3,870,094 times
Reputation: 8561
Great that you had the strength to make a large life change to better things, Tropical trouble. That's not easy to do esp moving where you are "the fish out of water."

I have to figure out the gears to my life, and move forward. In the meantime thanks to all for your advice, and being so forthcoming. This site is 4 star!
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Unread 03-08-2011, 11:46 AM
 
3,409 posts, read 1,834,378 times
Reputation: 1370
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Good to back after a bit of a layoff.

Does anyone think that being on your own too young makes it difficult to enter a long term relationship/marriage? Im 35 and have been on my own 16 years.(Not by choice though) As I have had carte blanche in my activities personally, i found that It put me in this gear to where I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect.

I have been in some relationships, long term even but truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.

I work a standard 40 hour week, but I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time. My job requires social skills as well. now I have had plenty of good times, but as i get older I am feeling a strain.

Anyone else ever felt this way? Esp after 30?
Sometimes. Options and commitments can play a part on long dry spells. If you have less women who "could" be a target available to you, that can make it difficult at times. Finding and getting one interested isn't really a problem if you have thousands to choose from. Not everyone has thousands to choose from. Staying clear of available ones that are married or in a relationship takes some will power as well. If you had a dollar for every chance you could have taken, some would be rich. That's not an option for many and holding out for a "available" one can take time.
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Unread 03-08-2011, 01:49 PM
 
Location: US, California - federalist
2,795 posts, read 1,541,509 times
Reputation: 467
Would it be less desirable or more desirable to establish a friend zone for those women who are less available, for future reference? In my opinion, there should be nothing wrong with establishing friendships with women who are less available, especially if you are sincere in your beliefs and attitudes.
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Unread 03-10-2011, 12:06 AM
Status: "Hi. :)" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: nj
1,311 posts, read 615,826 times
Reputation: 1317
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Good to back after a bit of a layoff.

Does anyone think that being on your own too young makes it difficult to enter a long term relationship/marriage? Im 35 and have been on my own 16 years.(Not by choice though) As I have had carte blanche in my activities personally, i found that It put me in this gear to where I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect.

I have been in some relationships, long term even but truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.

I work a standard 40 hour week, but I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time. My job requires social skills as well. now I have had plenty of good times, but as i get older I am feeling a strain.

Anyone else ever felt this way? Esp after 30?

Your discontent arises out of the acceptance that "alone" is the inferior and shameful state to "together" and from your struggle to control your life.

Just be natural. If your life wants to be alone, leave it alone. Happiness will follow.
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Unread 03-10-2011, 12:42 AM
 
399 posts, read 299,184 times
Reputation: 384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
Your discontent arises out of the acceptance that "alone" is the inferior and shameful state to "together" and from your struggle to control your life.
Well to be fair, it IS obviously inferior. Mostly anyone who has ever been in a good relationship will tell you this: in a (healthy) relationship you can have emotional and personal experiences that you can never reach alone, no matter how close you are to friends or family.

Now, considering it "shameful" is another completely different (and unhealthy) thing.
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Unread 03-10-2011, 10:45 AM
 
25,085 posts, read 7,561,163 times
Reputation: 41582
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Good to back after a bit of a layoff.

Does anyone think that being on your own too young makes it difficult to enter a long term relationship/marriage? Im 35 and have been on my own 16 years.(Not by choice though) As I have had carte blanche in my activities personally, i found that It put me in this gear to where I am so used to not having any responsibilities to someone that I cant connect.

I have been in some relationships, long term even but truthfully i am starting to realize that i did not give the 100% commitment and sharing that I should. My last relationship was short term and ended because I made little effort to even see her. Went according to my schedule, And it was not fair. I have never mistreated any woman, and am a decent person who cares about people's well being and want to give more. This has been bothering me lately a lot. i think I missed what could have been a great thing with someone in particular.

I work a standard 40 hour week, but I spend all my time with friends, social activities, culture (Museums etc) and other recreation. I am not a "Lone wolf" per se as I have company a lot of the time. My job requires social skills as well. now I have had plenty of good times, but as i get older I am feeling a strain.

Anyone else ever felt this way? Esp after 30?
I do think being on your own for so long may make u more reluctant to pursue love. Some people are just meant to be bachelors or bachlorettes. However, someone 35 is too young yet to totally fit into that mold. U just need to come across the right tender hot young thang to rock your world and u will see things differently. U the man and the world is filled with chics looking for u. If u want a woman u can get one. And if u don't thats cool too.
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Unread 03-10-2011, 12:47 PM
 
Location: US, California - federalist
2,795 posts, read 1,541,509 times
Reputation: 467
Is anyone making a claim that a guy could not find enough happiness with enough girl friends?
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