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Absolutely not.
Do not do this young man a disservice by marrying him if you 'kind of' or are 'not sure' if you love him, when he could have the chance to go out and find someone who loves him deeply and loves him completely and passionately.
I admire the fact that you're looking for some advice on the situ. I understand love and relationships are not easy and can be confusing.
I very much believe you should be absolutely sure you belong together and you want to marry each other. And if you are with the right person, you don't need anyone to tell you yes or no to marry them or not.. believe me.
Another thing - you have no idea how hard marriage is. If you don't have love and aren't completely sure you guys belong together, I would seriously say the marriage would have about a 4% chance of survival...(if that much) It's difficult enough with financial issues, kids... no time to yourself, personality conflicts, communication issues, sharing of duties, agreeing on where to live, religion, political stance, values.. Marriage requires HARD HARD work, every single darn day of your life, girlfriend!!
If you have all these things and you don't have love or you have half-diluted love....... How happy do you think you'll be???? Even if you love your husband, you can want to throw him out the window... (Often....)
And divorce, no matter what, rips you apart. When you're married to someone, you're joined with them. They are a part of you. It's just what it is. I guarantee if you end up divorcing you'd so wish you didn't marry him, you'd wish you would have not wasted the best years of your life, wasted his best years, broke his heart, .. Divorce makes you feel like a failure. And you don't shake it for a long time. (if you do) And to put kids through that?
Live your life, be you, spend time with yourself. Find out what you don't want.. in a man, in a job, whatever... Live life! Meet and date a lot of men (meaning, go on dinner/ movie / whatever dates) You don't have to commit until you feel you are serious about someone.
The more people you meet, the more of a chance you will find the right person. That is how I met my husband, and once I started doing this, I met him fairly soon, (within about 6 mos.)
I wish you real love, best wishes, grace and peace,
Morgan
That's funny. I always highly regard LovesMountains posts too.
I would say at your age I would continue to look a while longer for someone you can love more intensely. Not saying that marriage to this guy wouldn't be good but there's nothing like feeling an emotional connection on a higher level. I only experienced it once much later in life of the three longer term relationships I've had and there was a difference.
Thank you all for your responses, I was in love once, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world, although at the time we were both young I thought we loved each other the best way we knew how at that moment in our lives. That love of course didn't last and in the end I have never felt that feeling in again and so came to the conclusion that i will love again only in a different way maybe by growing to love what looked liked what was best for me. My saying is sometimes you have to let go of what you want in order to get what you need. I just felt like i already found love been there done that look where it got me, left with emotions i still have a hard time dealing with. Although I am not in love with my friend I felt he was what i needed and so was going to try to make it work but i see that i need more time for me.
I have a friend i have known for years, we've dated for four years and even talked about marriage, but then i got a job in another state and had to leave he had other things going on so we broke up because of the move and did not want to have a long distance relationship with each other. We began talking again recently and he has brought up marriage again. I care about him, we are compatible as we work hard and want the same things in life but the butterflies just are not there and never have been there. I thought that maybe overtime the love will grow but not sure if i want to take that chance. He has many qualitites that will make him husband material but i'm just not in love and feel like at this stage of the game should love play such a major role. He is 35 I am 29....what are your thoughts should being all in love with the butterflies and all the other stuff matter.
The love/passion need to be there along with the other factors you mentioned. On a scale of 1 to 10, the love/passion doesn't have to be a "10". But it has to be a passing grade. It doesn't sound like this guy passes in the love/passion department for you.
There is a great book on this subject that I highly recommend. I would make it required reading for high school graduation if I could. It's called "is He Mr. Right?" Very practical.
I don't subscribe to the notion that love is something you FEEL. Instead, I consider love to be a verb; to me, love is what you DO. It's what you demonstrate, show... DO. I also don't believe that romantic love is a necessary component for a successful marriage at all. It helps, but it's not necessary, in my opinion. I think that the expectation of romantic love is part of the reason we have so many divorces with people who "grew apart" or "just fell out of love." Feelings can change. And when you have love in your heart - true love - it doesn't matter what you feel, you will still find it easy to SHOW love (perform deeds of love) because those deeds are born from what's in your heart, not what you feel. Feelings can be so tricky... but that's a whole other thread.
In any case, my answer to your question is yes. I would certainly marry someone I didn't "love" (using the definition that includes butterflies) - as long as we had a great deal of respect for each other, admiration, honor, and trust - and we were compatible, and had similar goals and values. I sure would.
I have a friend i have known for years, we've dated for four years and even talked about marriage, but then i got a job in another state and had to leave he had other things going on so we broke up because of the move and did not want to have a long distance relationship with each other. We began talking again recently and he has brought up marriage again. I care about him, we are compatible as we work hard and want the same things in life but the butterflies just are not there and never have been there. I thought that maybe overtime the love will grow but not sure if i want to take that chance. He has many qualitites that will make him husband material but i'm just not in love and feel like at this stage of the game should love play such a major role. He is 35 I am 29....what are your thoughts should being all in love with the butterflies and all the other stuff matter.
Your question about should you "be all in love with butterflies?" I would say no.
The reason is because sometimes those feeling are just feelings. They pass after a while and then you find out it was all just infatuation.
Sounds to me that you guys work well together. Sounds like you care about him and he treats you really good. Sounds like he still has feelings for you enough to bring up marriage again.
To be honest I think many of us don't know what love really is. We think we do but really it changes.
You ever heard of someone winning alot of money at a casino? They continue to put more money in the machines till they realize...SHOOT!! I should have quit. I had it good and thought if I held out something better would happen.
There will be someone that will take him and you will wonder why you didn't continue the relationship with him.
My thoughts are if he treats you good and is a good provider then it's a good relationship.
Oh...and get him drunk one time. This will bring out his TRUE self. If he gets all angry and wants to hurt someone...dump him. If he is smiling and happy and jokey they keep him.
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believe me.
