Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your question about should you "be all in love with butterflies?" I would say no.
The reason is because sometimes those feeling are just feelings. They pass after a while and then you find out it was all just infatuation.
Sounds to me that you guys work well together. Sounds like you care about him and he treats you really good. Sounds like he still has feelings for you enough to bring up marriage again.
To be honest I think many of us don't know what love really is. We think we do but really it changes.
You ever heard of someone winning alot of money at a casino? They continue to put more money in the machines till they realize...SHOOT!! I should have quit. I had it good and thought if I held out something better would happen.
There will be someone that will take him and you will wonder why you didn't continue the relationship with him.
My thoughts are if he treats you good and is a good provider then it's a good relationship.
I don't subscribe to the notion that love is something you FEEL. Instead, I consider love to be a verb; to me, love is what you DO. It's what you demonstrate, show... DO. I also don't believe that romantic love is a necessary component for a successful marriage at all. It helps, but it's not necessary, in my opinion. I think that the expectation of romantic love is part of the reason we have so many divorces with people who "grew apart" or "just fell out of love." Feelings can change. And when you have love in your heart - true love - it doesn't matter what you feel, you will still find it easy to SHOW love (perform deeds of love) because those deeds are born from what's in your heart, not what you feel. Feelings can be so tricky... but that's a whole other thread.
In any case, my answer to your question is yes. I would certainly marry someone I didn't "love" (using the definition that includes butterflies) - as long as we had a great deal of respect for each other, admiration, honor, and trust - and we were compatible, and had similar goals and values. I sure would.
But if you aren't feeling the chemistry between you it's hard to DO the tough things necessary over the long haul to keep the marriage going.
Then the marriage becomes nothing but a life sentence.
Marriage is one of the toughest things you'll ever undertake in your life (second only to raising kids well in my book).
If you aren't deeply in love and passionate about that person you'll either not make it, or just live like roommates for the duration. And that would never be good enough for me.
But if you aren't feeling the chemistry between you it's hard to DO the tough things necessary over the long haul to keep the marriage going.
Then the marriage becomes nothing but a life sentence.
Marriage is one of the toughest things you'll ever undertake in your life (second only to raising kids well in my book).
If you aren't deeply in love and passionate about that person you'll either not make it, or just live like roommates for the duration. And that would never be good enough for me.
I can't agree with that because I know too many examples of couples who aren't deeply "in love" (whatever that means) or passionate, and are making it just fine. They don't live like roommates; they have a healthy and active sex life, enjoy each other's company, get along great, like each other, enjoy being around each other, etc... but they don't subscribe to the whole "romantic love" notion.
I agree that marriage is one of the toughest things in life, next to raising children. But I don't think it's hard to do those "tough things" to keep the marriage going just because you don't have chemistry. Chemistry, imo, is not what makes a marriage work. To me, commitment, communication, respect, honor, trust, compatibility, and love (the verb) are what makes marriage work.
That's just my two cents.
(And don't get me wrong; I've experienced the butterflies and I love that feeling! I think it's great... I just don't think it's a necessary ingredient).
I have a friend i have known for years, we've dated for four years and even talked about marriage, but then i got a job in another state and had to leave he had other things going on so we broke up because of the move and did not want to have a long distance relationship with each other. We began talking again recently and he has brought up marriage again. I care about him, we are compatible as we work hard and want the same things in life but the butterflies just are not there and never have been there. I thought that maybe overtime the love will grow but not sure if i want to take that chance. He has many qualitites that will make him husband material but i'm just not in love and feel like at this stage of the game should love play such a major role. He is 35 I am 29....what are your thoughts should being all in love with the butterflies and all the other stuff matter.
Forget the butterflies... Answer this question - do you see yourself bearing his children within the next 5 years, and wiping his butt when he is old and sick? If no then you probably shouldn't go there.
I can't agree with that because I know too many examples of couples who aren't deeply "in love" (whatever that means) or passionate, and are making it just fine. They don't live like roommates; they have a healthy and active sex life, enjoy each other's company, get along great, like each other, enjoy being around each other, etc... but they don't subscribe to the whole "romantic love" notion.
I agree that marriage is one of the toughest things in life, next to raising children. But I don't think it's hard to do those "tough things" to keep the marriage going just because you don't have chemistry. Chemistry, imo, is not what makes a marriage work. To me, commitment, communication, respect, honor, trust, compatibility, and love (the verb) are what makes marriage work.
That's just my two cents.
(And don't get me wrong; I've experienced the butterflies and I love that feeling! I think it's great... I just don't think it's a necessary ingredient).
I didn't say chemistry made the marriage work.
I said lack of chemistry and abiding love for your partner makes doing the work necessary to make a marriage successful very difficult to pull off over the long haul, no matter how "committed" you are.
I am aware that in other cultures, especially those where arranged marriages are the norm, marriage is looked at differently and is not valued the way people in the west may value it.
Obviously, the definition of "successful marriage" doesn't mean the same thing to all people I just said for ME personally, anything less than I currently enjoy would not be good enough for me.
And what happens when 5 years into the marriage you do meet the guy you'll fall head over heels in love with?
Because the chances of that happening are not so slim and the reality is, once you have fallen head over heels nothing else, no one else will matter to you.
And your poor husband, who up to that point has done nothing but be a good solid guy for you, will be left sitting in the dust trying to recover from the worst betrayal of his life and feeling like he'd rather be dead than go thru the pain you just inflicted on him.
DON'T SETTLE. He deserves so much better than that, and so do you!
This is what I was thinking. OP, you are young. You've got plenty of time to find Mr. Right and fall in love. I agree with those who say you should not marry this man if you are not in love with him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I just said for ME personally, anything less than I currently enjoy would not be good enough for me.
