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Not the same thing, but definitely related. It is hard to have confidence with women if you are not confident about who you are.
How close have you came to dying? I've risked my life for women I can't ask out! It sounds messed up, yes but it is TRUE! Validation from said women don't help with that. They don't like me. I've tried to work on it. I'll just GET KILLED so the rest of ya can have the women. LOL
I have a cousin like that. She's never married and had kids because she was afraid of rejection. Instead of jumping off the cliff of life, she cling deperately to the cliff. She used to brag to my younger cousins and myself that she wouldn't go through what we did as far as divorce or hardships with our husbands but I felt sorry for her because she never took a chance like us. Now she's in her 60's lonely and by herself.
At least try in life instead of playing it safe. What's the saying, I rather lose in love then to never loved at all. So true.
Go to therapy and understand why you are so sensitive and can't handle rejections.
She's a woman. Women don't need to worry about rejection as far as relationships are concerned.
The reason she's lonely and by herself is because she simply didn't want a man.
Ah the obligatory fluff cliche riddled "confidence" will make women magically graivtate to you line..
Some of us just arent attractive to the opposite sex
Really? Sean Stephenson can date models, but you just aren't attractive enough? The guy was getting attractive girls before he ever got rich. He became rich as a motivational speaker, He even talks about how he never tried to get into a relationship because he "knew" he wasn't attractive enough... but he got over it and ended up dating attractive women.
Women don't date guys because of their looks (well some, but who wants them anyway?) Women respond to guys based on how you make them feel.
Confidence is a big part of that, if you don't feel comfortable around a women she will not feel comfortable around you... it is called empathy.
But hey, maybe you really are just not attractive enough, I imagine some people have to be less physically attractive than Sean Stephenson:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big-Bad-John
How close have you came to dying? I've risked my life for women I can't ask out! It sounds messed up, yes but it is TRUE! Validation from said women don't help with that. They don't like me. I've tried to work on it. I'll just GET KILLED so the rest of ya can have the women. LOL
Wrong guy to make that point to, lol. I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, I participate in activities deemed less than safe almost daily.
Really? Sean Stephenson can date models, but you just aren't attractive enough? The guy was getting attractive girls before he ever got rich. He became rich as a motivational speaker, He even talks about how he never tried to get into a relationship because he "knew" he wasn't attractive enough... but he got over it and ended up dating attractive women.
Women don't date guys because of their looks (well some, but who wants them anyway?) Women respond to guys based on how you make them feel.
Confidence is a big part of that, if you don't feel comfortable around a women she will not feel comfortable around you... it is called empathy.
But hey, maybe you really are just not attractive enough, I imagine some people have to be less physically attractive than Sean Stephenson:
Wrong guy to make that point to, lol. I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, I participate in activities deemed less than safe almost daily.
Really? Sean Stephenson can date models, but you just aren't attractive enough? The guy was getting attractive girls before he ever got rich. He became rich as a motivational speaker, He even talks about how he never tried to get into a relationship because he "knew" he wasn't attractive enough... but he got over it and ended up dating attractive women.
Women don't date guys because of their looks (well some, but who wants them anyway?) Women respond to guys based on how you make them feel.
Confidence is a big part of that, if you don't feel comfortable around a women she will not feel comfortable around you... it is called empathy.
But hey, maybe you really are just not attractive enough, I imagine some people have to be less physically attractive than Sean Stephenson:
Wrong guy to make that point to, lol. I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, I participate in activities deemed less than safe almost daily.
Theres an excepton to everyhting but looks are just as important to women as they are Men
You are over analyzing this. Most people don't think like you so your fears of hurting them is really in your own head. It sounds like you are projecting your fear of rejection.
Being able to say 'No' or 'Yes' is about having control over your life. Self-determination requires an identity. Who are you besides fear? We are not just one emotion but it seems you're fixated on fearfulness. What do you want and how do you get it? Do you have any opinions besides those that relate to this and do you express them?
Another thing is that no is not the problem, it's how you say it.
"Thanks for calling me but I have decided to keep searching.
"Do you have this in stock? Can I order it? Ok, thanks for checking" (it's their job, they get tons of these calls everyday).
Get some phrases down for situations. If you are gracious about saying no, believe me, no one will take offense. Actually, it's more polite to say no rather then a wishy-washy response that people can see through. You're not fooling anyone by being evasive and that does not garner respect. I don't think you respect yourself for being this way and that is the problem, not rejection.
I think my previous posts already answered many of these questions of yours.
I've said I hate saying no as well as hating to hear no.
I've never had to reject anyone who's asked me out since 7th grade, and back then I had the easy excuse that I wasn't allowed. Although I didn't use that excuse, I just told her "no, let's just be friends". But it was my excuse inside. I knew I wasn't allowed to, and I was kind of afraid of her because she'd been mean to me in the past, calling me "gay" in front of other students. In 9th grade, I chickened out of even facing the girl and saying no. I still had the excuse of not being allowed to. I received a note from her. I pretended I didn't get the note and didn't meet her where she asked me to meet her. I never saw her in person once in my entire life.
I am now 30 years old. Since 9th grade I've never had to reject anyone, because no-one has ever asked me out.
It is not fair to say I would have "no problem" with rejecting them, because I would very much have a problem with doing so. Still doesn't mean that I wouldn't reject them. If I really wasn't attracted to them, I probably would reject them. But it would hurt to do so. Like it did in 7th grade. So I am glad that I've never had to do that since then.
It's also not fair to say that I have no empathy with people I would potentially reject. Of course I would have empathy for them. That's why it would hurt for me to reject them, just like it did in 7th grade.
Nor did I ever say that I believe that women don't have a right to reject me. Of course they have that right. I just fear having to face that, and having to imagine what they're really thinking when they politely say "no thanks".
You realize that you'll never know what someone thinks about you unless they verbalize it, so it's a waste of time and adds frustration to set up some imaginary defenses against an undefined threat.
Theres an excepton to everyhting but looks are just as important to women as they are Men
I see guys walking around with girlfriends that are "out of their league" all the time, I am sure you do too, if you don't, look around.
I fail to see why Sean Stephenson is an exception, unless he found the only girls in the world who place personality above looks, which is doubtful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big-Bad-John
I agree with you on this one buddy. It's a bunch of crap.
I use to be very much like the OP, now I am very proficient at picking up women (not that I am a player or anything). This bunch of crap did wonders for me.
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It sounds messed up, yes but it is TRUE!
Validation from said women don't help with that. They don't like me. I've tried to work on it. I'll just GET KILLED so the rest of ya can have the women. LOL
