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hi henry, thanks for your comment
i realise its got to be very hard for the person left, and i think ive done my best over the last 2 half years to be there for him and help as much as i can. but i believe its time i knew where this relationship is going im not being hard with him just trying to make him realise theres things i want from a relationship, if hes not ready then he should just tell me shouldnt he?
Thanks squirl, i agree it should be about me now. update on my situation
i had a couple of fridays off from going to his, and he finaly asked why i didnt go down and that he missed me, so i said if you miss me so much not coming down last two fridays can you tell me why this relationship hasnt been progressive the last 2 half years, and he just didnt answer me, my eldest son 37 told me to hang fire before i do anything for a 3 month period as he know now what you want and he needs time to think about it in depth, and i will do just that........but i have to say 6th april was 3 years anniversary of her death, and this weekend while i was there, he mentioned he goes to the grave every month which i supose is expected but what hurt the most was when he said this house has her stamp all over it.............that told me so much ive been cleaning it and cooking ive even chose all the colours and designed the bathroom,....i feel sure ive already got my answer but i will wait the 3 month my son said to. its my birthday end may while we are away i will see what that brings, 1st of july is the date i have in my mind for breaking it off.
Good luck! I waited a year following my DH's death and then sold the house we shared. In the perfect world every couple would live in a place they selected together. .......
thanks love for your comment, im just sat waiting now the ball is in his court but i do have a limit how long i will wait
as much as i love him to bits.
I'm a little curious as to why you feel the need to have your relationship confirmed by a piece of paper and need it to "move on".
It sounds to me like a very comfortable arrangement which many would relish. You obviously have a caring partner with whom you enjoy weekends and shared vacations, you have your own home and space, you don't have to adapt your life to his and pick up his underwear from the floor ...
It doesn't sound as though he's either a womanizer or someone who's looking for anyone else other than you. Your attempt to have this relationship move forward could well backfire. I'm sure he would very much regret it if he's unable/unwilling to make the sort of commitment you're seeking but you'll also be the loser. Seems to me he's already made it very clear that he's very happy with the way things are. He loves you and enjoys you but at 60 years old he's incapable of taking a final step which to you is so important. Too bad you can't enjoy such a good relationship for many years to come without needing some sort of binding confirmation of his feelings for you. All the best.
I'm a little curious as to why you feel the need to have your relationship confirmed by a piece of paper and need it to "move on".
It sounds to me like a very comfortable arrangement which many would relish. You obviously have a caring partner with whom you enjoy weekends and shared vacations, you have your own home and space, you don't have to adapt your life to his and pick up his underwear from the floor ...
It doesn't sound as though he's either a womanizer or someone who's looking for anyone else other than you. Your attempt to have this relationship move forward could well backfire. I'm sure he would very much regret it if he's unable/unwilling to make the sort of commitment you're seeking but you'll also be the loser. Seems to me he's already made it very clear that he's very happy with the way things are. He loves you and enjoys you but at 60 years old he's incapable of taking a final step which to you is so important. Too bad you can't enjoy such a good relationship for many years to come without needing some sort of binding confirmation of his feelings for you. All the best.
^That would suit me, too.....now. However, I felt differently some years back. I have a good friend who is just leaving an exclusive relationship b/c BF won't marry her. She is doing the right thing for herself. She quite simply wants to be a married lady. We all have our own needs and many, many people want the binding commitment of marriage. Ya just can't argue someone out of their own inner yearning.
^That would suit me, too.....now. However, I felt differently some years back. I have a good friend who is just leaving an exclusive relationship b/c BF won't marry her. She is doing the right thing for herself. She quite simply wants to be a married lady. We all have our own needs and many, many people want the binding commitment of marriage. Ya just can't argue someone out of their own inner yearning.
I understand completely. I went through the same sort of thing myself when I was in my 50s. Funnily enough, the "ex" from that period of my life (and with whom I remained very good friends for several years thereafter) recently became involved with a widowed lady close to his own age (mid 70s). They vacation together, have a coast-to-coast relationship but she's apparently obsessed with his previous relationships. She's financially stable, has her own home but her obsessiveness about some sort of commitment will probably drive that relationship into the ground.
My dear friend and I would talk just about every day on the 'phone and he was always around to help if I had a problem of one sort or another whether it be maintenance on building or car or whatever. I cherished the friendship.
Our sexual relationship had ended years before but the woman's obsessiveness unfortunately broke apart a firm friendship when, for the second time (and I forgave him the first time) he (1) ignored me for a couple of months and then (2) when we'd chuckled about her need to delve into his past so voraciously, he suddenly called me and said, "'Jane' is arriving today, is on her way and I won't be answering your calls! Got to go!" Talk about being gobsmacked, insulted, hurt and all else. I subsequently emailed him and told him how sad it was that 'Jane's' insecurities had led him to once again screw up our friendship but that, for me, it was the proverbial death knell.
Over three months later when he was back here solo he emailed me as though nothing had happened. The damage had been well done by that time and I emailed him back accordingly, wishing him all the very best. Too bad, too sad and losing a cherished friend is a hard pill to swallow but it's been swallowed finally even though I choked and it got stuck on the way down the gullet.
All we oldsters with loads of past experience try to do is tell our tales to the best of our ability and hope that something will register with younger people and prompt them to learn even a little that might just save them from making mistakes which we've made in the past and which have caused us much angst. Cheers!
hi STT. in answer to your reply, all i want is to know where my life is leading why is that so wrong? im not asking to be married tomorrow, but when a man doesnt talk about these things do us women assume it will stay just weekends till death, what ever happened to growing old together
hi STT. in answer to your reply, all i want is to know where my life is leading why is that so wrong? im not asking to be married tomorrow, but when a man doesnt talk about these things do us women assume it will stay just weekends till death, what ever happened to growing old together
This is a predominantly US forum, Lippy. In this country we don't grow old together. As soon as one gets a little older, uglier, and/or fatter, the other one dumps him/her.
hi STT. in answer to your reply, all i want is to know where my life is leading why is that so wrong? im not asking to be married tomorrow, but when a man doesnt talk about these things do us women assume it will stay just weekends till death, what ever happened to growing old together
What the fudge do you really want? Now you say you don't necessarily want marriage.
Who knows where your life is leading? Nobody knows that. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow just crossing the street. You could keel over tomorrow from a heart attack - likewise your loving and devoted friend.
Most men don't talk about such things. Left brain/right brain male/female differences. Do some research where that's concerned.
Once again I urge you to enjoy and stop looking for more. What you have right now is very precious and, in my opinion, you're cutting off your nose to spite your face by playing games based on (not so) subtle nonsense.
This is a predominantly US forum, Lippy. In this country we don't grow old together. As soon as one gets a little older, uglier, and/or fatter, the other one dumps him/her.
what a silly reply
you cant be human (can you)
i gather feelings dont come into your relationships
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