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Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
I didn't know about this characteristic until just a few days ago, after I had been spending some time reflecting on my recently ended relationship. I understand it to mean that I prioritize other people's needs and happiness higher than my own. If she has a problem, I will do what I can to fix it for her. Seem's like a very 'guy' thing to do, right?
Well, I am still in the mourning stages, and I was at a bar drowning my sorrows when I started chatting with lady. Pretty standard bar banter but I eventually started into my last relationship. I could tell I was losing her interest, but I didn't care because I wasn't looking for a hook-up.
Anyway, I started talking about my realization about me being co-dependent. She kind of backed up a bit, but then I explained it just like I did above. We ended up exchanging numbers and she has been texting and calling me for the last 3 days. Go figure.
yeah it sounds like one of those attempts to pathologize something that isn't really a problem. I wouldn't worry about it; I'm the polar opposite of co-dependent (I think the word is selfish) and they haven't hauled me off to the funny farm yet.
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
Does this describe you?
My family calls this 'being protective, concerned--love'. It had to come straight from the Bible--Being selfless and all that. The Bible actually said to love others as yourself. The marriage vows--2 becoming 1--that is a troubling area. I would write different vows--I can't stand the thought of merging that completely with another person.
I have nearly been 'killed' by it and by trying to recover, too.
So hard--we all need families and friends but as well-intended as they may be at times the support they can provide just isn't what is needed.
I guess some great counseling is being done online--by those who finally 'figured' it out--'When to let go', etc.
At any rate I suppose I feel fortunate to have learned that in general I know what I want and need and don't care that much what others think about me.
Love--we all want it, need it--should be easier.
I have no more time for discussions on codependence---time to retire the word, jmo.
I think this might be me. I am pretty well off, and every serious relationship I've had has been with someone less fortunate than me. I like being able to come in and 'save the day' so to speak, and for the most part, my Ex's have appreciated and reciprocated my actions. This gives me the quick 'relationship high' that I like.
What I fail to recognize is what or how these girls get into the situations they are in to begin with. As the relationship progresses and I start to realize those root problems (no ambition, no education, ADD, etc.), that is when I get into trouble. Because, now I've discovered something within the other person that I can't fix no matter how hard I try.
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
I think this might be me. I am pretty well off, and every serious relationship I've had has been with someone less fortunate than me. I like being able to come in and 'save the day' so to speak, and for the most part, my Ex's have appreciated and reciprocated my actions. This gives me the quick 'relationship high' that I like.
What I fail to recognize is what or how these girls get into the situations they are in to begin with. As the relationship progresses and I start to realize those root problems (no ambition, no education, ADD, etc.), that is when I get into trouble. Because, now I've discovered something within the other person that I can't fix no matter how hard I try.
I think many men are by nature 'John Wayne'/Handsome Princes and that's nice, but as a woman who might have fit your descriptors at one point and made considerable efforts to change--I don't really want that any more.
I like to 'take care/nurture', protect and 'Help' men--on the flip side--the irony is that sometimes makes a man feel smothered/stifled--by nature men prefer to take care of themselves--Warriors/Wolves or whatever.
All of this gets to be ridiculous after a while. Difficult to know how to be or what to do. I hope to have a relationship one day with a person who has some sense of perspective and a good sense of humor. A 'Sugarbear'--not a 'Sugardaddy'.
'Harry Met Sally'---that just about covers it. Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks--I believe it is possible.
I didn't know about this characteristic until just a few days ago, after I had been spending some time reflecting on my recently ended relationship. I understand it to mean that I prioritize other people's needs and happiness higher than my own. If she has a problem, I will do what I can to fix it for her. Seem's like a very 'guy' thing to do, right?
Well, I am still in the mourning stages, and I was at a bar drowning my sorrows when I started chatting with lady. Pretty standard bar banter but I eventually started into my last relationship. I could tell I was losing her interest, but I didn't care because I wasn't looking for a hook-up.
Anyway, I started talking about my realization about me being co-dependent. She kind of backed up a bit, but then I explained it just like I did above. We ended up exchanging numbers and she has been texting and calling me for the last 3 days. Go figure.
I also learned about this with a relationship that was ending and eventually ended. I also learned that my self-esteem took a hard hit; I had given up my own interests for his, I did not matter. Be careful that you aren't just jumping at the first person to take interest in you or looking for your next "project" of helping another one out; it is a vicious cycle. Perhaps, work on yourself first, figure out what your needs are first, who are you; then you will be strong enough to spot an equal-handed relationship with another where it is not all about you giving and them taking. If you explain this to her and she is okay with it, she is genuine; if she gets upset, she was only going to use you and walk away with your head held high. Good luck!
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