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I looked at my 20s as a period of discovery. A time to learn about myself, what I wanted in life, and how to go about achieving my goals. And like most people, I made my fair share of mistakes. But that turned out to be a good thing cause I learned a lot of valuable lessons. And if I compare who I was at 25 to who I was at 30, I see quite a difference. That's not to say people don't change after 30. But I think the amount of "character growth" that occurs is much less.
As far as one gender making life more difficult, I tend to avoid such generalizations. IMO, people do a pretty good job of making their own lives difficult.
You brought up the government shutdown and the need to be self-sufficient. That's one lesson I learned in my 20s. Like a lot of young people, I was too busy looking to others for answers instead of finding them on my own. That's why I'm enjoying my 30s more. Although I don't pretend to have it all figured out, I feel better knowing that I can find them on my own rather than appealing to "the experts" who often have an agenda of their own and will deliberately spread disinformation.
Basically, I am finished with analyzing the genders--it has been my experience that guys, through genetic means or other--go with the 'I will be in charge of my life' attitude---thank the Higher Power or ourselves--but for some time now this idea has been instilled in women.
I have learned a lot--by the circuitous process--some of this is utterly useless--fit only for the trash can. mmmhmm--What I privately thought when I started out ---has proven to be 'Right'---at least appropriate for the 21st century. What was the sense of struggling with those who differed with me?
A very inefficient way to live.
I am not a 'B'--as friendly, lovable as 'Hannity' --to name one guy. Certainly he lol's jovially and says--'If you only knew all the things I've done--the reason I can/will never run for elected office'---endearing him more deeply to his fans. This really doesn't work out quite as well for women---I guess in a way it has for 'Oprah'.
What trouble I have found myself in because of a random comment.
I certainly hope there are courses offered in schools from K to post secondary --which empower people to know when to 'Keep Your Mouth Shut'.
Most important course in the world.
ek--Still picking out the perfect 'Dress'---very 'bitter' and I am being facetious---that I haven't yet had occasion to say 'Yes, to the Dress'.
One thing about having long lasting relationships--you share some memories--that is how I am at least---a certain song---for instance 'Unchained Melody'--I'm certain it has been enjoyed by many--if you had the priveledge to dance to it when it was 'New'---that is an exceptional memory. $.02
Basically, I am finished with analyzing the genders--it has been my experience that guys, through genetic means or other--go with the 'I will be in charge of my life' attitude---thank the Higher Power or ourselves--but for some time now this idea has been instilled in women.
I think there are extremes. Many men (and increasingly more women) are so fixated on being independent that they refuse to rely on anyone else for anything. They see it as a sign of weakness. Moreover, many worry that expressing the desire for a partner is equivalent to saying that you need one, which explains why they're so reluctant to commit to anyone. On the other end of the spectrum, you have the person who can't seem to do even the most basic things on their own and are always asking for help. This person will often marry someone because they like the idea of being taken care of. The healthy individual, of course, is the one in the middle. Self-sufficient, but unafraid to rely on others or express the desire for a partner.
But getting back to the original topic, I think the people who marry despite having doubts do so for a number of reasons, one of which is touched on here. They feel alone and need someone who'll take care of them even though, deep down, they know the person they're marrying probably isn't the right person. But the alternative is even more terrifying. What if I end up alone? Who will take care of me? I've met a few women who fell into this category. They married their "knight in shining armor". But they knew even before the wedding day that there would be no fairy tale ending.
I've never been married and certainly don't want to be. I know of someone who did exactly that...they were with someone for a long time and felt they owed it to that person to get married. Ended in divorce of course.
I think there are some people who feel like they've invested so much time and energy into a relationship that they have to get married. We hear this argument a lot, and not just in relationships. In war, people will talk about all the lives lost, all the money spent and say that if we withdraw, then all of those lives and all that money will have been for nothing. Same with a career. Maybe you spent years and years in school pursuing a certain profession and you've spent thousands of dollars and perhaps racked up a huge debt. But now you're having serious doubts about that field. You want to back out, but then you think about all the money you spent and all the years you've lost. I've seen people fall into this trap with relationships. Oh, I've been with this person for years. If we don't get married, it'll have been a waste.
Boyfriend dragged his feet, stalled, decided to marry me anyway. Worst decision I ever made, because almost every day of the marriage, he seemed to have the need to get back at me in some obvious and some not-so-obvious ways. Friends were probably predicting the divorce as I walked down the aisle, because they knew him pretty well. It held for ten years, though.
...Anyways, I'd be curious to hear from people who either got married despite having serious doubts or know someone who did. Why did you or they still get married? ...
My sister did. Had serious doubts but didn't pull out because "everything was booked and already paid for."
I guess I could start another thread along the same lines, but instead of being about marriage, maybe it could be about having kids. Cause I've seen that too. The couple's been married for a while and one person wants to have kids, but the other person isn't quite ready. But they agree to have them anyway, despite having serious reservations. And unlike marriage, it's not a decision you can just undo when you realize you made a mistake.
My mother told me that she had doubts about marrying my dad long before she married him. She was 34 though and still childless so I get it, but for mine and my brothers sake, I can't believe she went through with that and actually wonders why her life went to hell a few years later. My love life has very similar patterns to my mom's so I have to be uber careful not to fall into her same trap.
Funny, third post in this thread and just remembered that my father told me one time that he didn't want to marry my mother but my gmother was pushing the wedding and he didn't know what to do. Their marriage was hell.
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