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Sounds like he needs a dose of reality. First start by having a conversation with him explaining that you aren't happy and he's too hard on you and the kids of meaningless stuff.
If that doesn't work take the kids and leave. That'll get his attention.
Of course you and your son don't deserve to be treated in such a manner. Go to counseling alone. You'll get your answer to his/your situation. Sounds like NPD.
Go to counseling for your self. Also, join a support group or church (Divorce Care is excellent). You need to prepare a strong support system if you decide you need to get a divorce. That is no way to live-and you have to be proactive for you and your kids.
Start planning how you would support your kids and yourself? Job? Money in the bank (take your half out before you serve him with divorce papers if it is a joint account). Look into custody laws in your state...start documenting in a diary how he behaves (this may help in the divorce if you want to limit the time he has with the kids)
Start looking at sample divorce/custody settlement agreements to get ideas. Divorce is a very difficult and emotional process. However, depending on the situation (verbal and emotional abuse) it is for the best. You would be doing this for your kids. They are still small enough to recover...the longer you wait, the older they will be, the harder it will be for them.
Speaking from someone who went through a divorce (but not because of abuse).
PS The biggest issue is custody-he may/probably try to hurt you with the kids. It is scary when you don't trust your ex-spouse, yet they get to care for what you love most in this world.
This is what I did... and recommend the same for you! I did not have kids at the time so it was a little easier. I didn't even cry at the end...I guess I cried so much from being yelled at and miserable all the time. Don't think of yourself but of your child who will grow up hearing that this is okay to yell at and be yelled at. Good luck!
I am sadly in the same situation. I have a 8 month old daughter. He doesn't so much treat her as bad as he treats me, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am very heart broken. I feel as if I am falling out of love with him. When I met him, he was someone completely different. Definitely not the person I first fell in love with. I did kiss two other men while with him, but I didn't sleep with them. So that gives him an 'excuse' to treat me the way he does. I am in a very bad position too. The man you are with sounds like the husband i'm married to. My heart cries out for you. I want to divorce him, but i'm just scared to because I still love him and i'm afraid i'll come back. I've left and come back several times. I'll be strong when I leave, but he'll keep calling saying he's sorry and he'll change. It'll just keep happening, but they drive us to the point of severe weakness and low self-esteem. I'm sorry hun, but you just got to keep trying. Have faith in god and he will help you see the sunlight again. *Hugs from the bottom of my heart*
OP and anyone else here struggling, I hope you work up the courage to do what is RIGHT for you. Don't worry about "staying together for the kids". Kids are smart. Kids know when mom and dad don't love each other.
When my parents divorced (10 years too late I think, oh well) there was nothing sweeter than seeing both of them move on with the lives, apart, that they both DESERVED and wanted. I have much healthier relationships now because of it. Their divorce was tough as a kid, however I'm happy they split. My mother and I are on awful terms unrelated to the divorce, but she is so much happier now and has restored confidence. My father unfortunately lost his 2nd wife, love of his life to cancer this year but I have never known such a brave and loving man.
Do what you deserve. Please know your worth, and know taking care of yourself means taking care of your children. Your children need a strong and happy mom, not a sad one.
Edit: For what it's worth, it doesn't sound like your husband loves and respects his family. I really think if he isn't willing to work on this (professionally, because clearly talking to him isn't working out), you need to get yourself to therapy even if he won't go. It'll hopefully help you talk it out and make a clear choice. If he isn't willing, then you need to leave.
welcome to the world of 67% divorce rate mostly filed by women.
raising your voice to a woman is spousal abuse.
like she never scolds him or yells at him ever right?
sad this raising your voice or playing the TV too loud is now grounds for divorce and the discovery that u have married mr wrong.
of course 1/2 million divorce settlment and 20 years of child support with no strings attached is certainly a pursuasive argument that prince charming has turning into a frog isnt it?
welcome to the world of 67% divorce rate mostly filed by women.
raising your voice to a woman is spousal abuse.
like she never scolds him or yells at him ever right?
sad this raising your voice or playing the TV too loud is now grounds for divorce and the discovery that u have married mr wrong.
of course 1/2 million divorce settlment and 20 years of child support with no strings attached is certainly a pursuasive argument that prince charming has turning into a frog isnt it?
In the first post, it sounds like much more than just raising his voice once in a while. Sounds like a chronically angry man who constantly criticizes both his wife and kids, nothing they do is right and they live their life on eggshells so as not to set him off. It is emotionally draining and painful to be with someone like that, and virtually impossible to maintain feelings of love and passion and respect in that type of relationship, especially when he's screwing up the kids emotionally who will grow up to be anxious people-pleasers with no self-esteem, or angry, critical people themselves who carry this on to the next generation.
OP and anyone else here struggling, I hope you work up the courage to do what is RIGHT for you. Don't worry about "staying together for the kids". Kids are smart. Kids know when mom and dad don't love each other.
When my parents divorced (10 years too late I think, oh well) there was nothing sweeter than seeing both of them move on with the lives, apart, that they both DESERVED and wanted. I have much healthier relationships now because of it. Their divorce was tough as a kid, however I'm happy they split. My mother and I are on awful terms unrelated to the divorce, but she is so much happier now and has restored confidence. My father unfortunately lost his 2nd wife, love of his life to cancer this year but I have never known such a brave and loving man.
Do what you deserve. Please know your worth, and know taking care of yourself means taking care of your children. Your children need a strong and happy mom, not a sad one.
Edit: For what it's worth, it doesn't sound like your husband loves and respects his family. I really think if he isn't willing to work on this (professionally, because clearly talking to him isn't working out), you need to get yourself to therapy even if he won't go. It'll hopefully help you talk it out and make a clear choice. If he isn't willing, then you need to leave.
you should goolge "talk about marriage" and visit the forum with the same name, it's dedicated to all phases of marriage separation, divorce, and post-divorce. There are many ppl on their who want to help others through the difficult times they faced, and interestingly you will find common issues, patterns, and solutions that helped. It helped me and hope it helps you. good luck.
I'm so sad right now. My husband has once again yelled at me and I just don't think this is going to work anymore.
Today, he criticized me for raking the leaves wrong (while he was inside sleeping). Says I put too much dirt in with the leaves.
Then he yelled at our son to "walk faster" to get into the bathroom for his bath. Our son (age 5) came into the bathroom in tears because "Daddy yelled at me to walk faster." (this breaks my heart)
Then during dinner, my husband was watching Star Trek and it was so loud, just blaring (as ALWAYS). I asked him to turn it down and he got angry (as usual) and said "You know what.. too bad! I'm sick of your voice")
He micro-manages me constantly: I don't walk the isles in Costco in the right order; I press the buttons wrong on the a/c in the car; I let the kids watch the DVD in the car on short trips (supposed to be only for long trips, so it doesn't 'wear out').
There is ZERO emotional support from him. I don't expect a marriage to be perfect, but I do know this is not normal). Is it too much to ask to have someone who you feel is "on your side" and really cares about you? I seriously don't think I can last a lifetime like this. We've only been married for 7 years and we have 2 kids (ages 2.5 and almost 5). Basically, my husband has changed 100% from the man I thought I married. He is always on a "short fuse" (for example, cursing if something falls out of the refridgerator when he tries to take it out).
I hate to see our boys raised in this environment, but I really didn't want to possibly destroy their lives by getting a divorce (he blames his mother for ruining his life by divorcing his father when he was 11) Nice, I know (I wish I knew that before... would have been a red flag for sure)
Oh and he says things like "If you don't like it, you can get an apartment because this is MY house!" (Ummm...no)
I suggested counseling 2 years ago and he said "That's absurd."
I just cannot take it anymore! The saddest feeling in the world is realizing you married the wrong person and wishing you could just go back in time. Other times, when I had talked myself into taking steps toward divorce (like getting the name of an attorney to seek out some advice up front), I feel like a huge weight was lifted and I wanted to smile. I don't want to jump to conclusions and over-react. But then again, it would be nice to have someone to laugh with and someone who doesn't say mean things to me (like "you're mentally ill") OMG... I guess I am going to end up divorced. Scared to death... sad... just over it.
ewww what a NUT the hubby is. Time to GTFO of there!
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