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Every day you wake up with an opportunity to say I will forgive, I will accept, I will let go, and do so... I have no special skills and I have done this, in my case it was mostly myself I had to forgive but it doesn't matter. What is past is done and it cannot be changed. Let it go and be free.
I apologize Freedom123, it wasn't about you or your posts specifically. Dewdrop has been active on this thread for some time and has responded to several other posters. She expressed that she was offended by some of the posts here, I wasn't making that judgment myself. I was speaking of her overall posting style and just happened to make my statement right after she posted to you.
Hi boodhabunny,
Thanks for clarifying. No apology needed, I was simply curious, since I'm always one to scrutinize my opinions before posting them.
Women have only run me over, burned me, and depressed me my entire life. Any happiness was short lived and not without it's price. I'm a better person by myself and only focusing on myself. There's no doubt I'd make a great husband and father someday, but this world is changing. My ideal family life dream is just that, it will not exist, that path will never allow me to be happy as it is not secure and not realistic. I must find other ways to be happy. I need to stop my emotional investment into women and stop falling for them. I need to ONLY focus on myself as that is all that matters. Nothing is worth sacrificing for a happiness that is unsustainable and untrue. I am only as good in that aspect as what I can give, and if I don't meet a quota I am replaced regardless if I am the reason or cause.
The problem is I care too much, I want to feel strongly and I'm passionate minded.....but I'm also logical minded and dating and the female species is absolutely mind-blowing and baffling. I can't handle it emotionally nor mentally. It's not worth the cost, it's not worth being burned, it's not worth what you have to give up to attain from a financial, emotional, and social standpoint, and you have everything to lose if it goes badly. I've been burned enough where I care less and less each time these events occur, and now I've started smoking weed which basically takes away all care in the world. It's probably the best solution I've found for immediate and situational instances for when I'm being mindfcked by some random or having my heart ripped out of my chest by a woman who told me she loved me a week before. I don't want to care, I don't want to feel, I don't want to give a fck about any of them. I don't want it anymore, I am done.
Here's what I'm thinking... Just a couple thoughts... First of all - my mom had told me that she was pretty unhappy in the beginning of her marriage to my dad. She said that she was doing her best to make him happy. She was trying to go the places he wanted to go, buy the car he wanted to buy, doing the things he wanted to do - and yet, he didn't seem thrilled all the time and she was miserable. Finally, she said, to hell with it - I'm going to make myself happy. She started doing the things she wanted to do, the way she wanted to do them. And she realized that not only was she much happier - but my father was much happier, too. She had been depending on him to make her happy - but when she made herself happy, they were both happier. I have found myself in past relationships doing everything that I thought the other person wanted, trying to be what the other person wanted me to be. I wasn't that happy. Now I make sure that I'm doing all that I can to make myself happy - and my husband does the same. I'm not saying that all you should care about is yourself - but I really think that we all need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves first.
The other thing that your post reminded me of was when my best friend moved in with her boyfriend right before she turned 30. She thought they were going to get engaged soon and that moving in together was a step in that direction. Well, 3 weeks later, he broke up with her. She was absolutely devasted. She had just turned 30 - thought she was in a great relationship and about to get married but ended up having to find a new apartment and single. She went crazy and started dating every guy she possibly could because she felt like she needed to find love before it was too late. I told her to relax - she had plenty of time and she would find the right guy when she was ready. That didn't go over well at all!!! Anyway - she finally tired herself out and basically gave up. Shortly after that - she met her husband. They are so perfect for each other - I can't imagine either of them with anyone else. Sometimes you have to throw in the towel before you win the prize.
I'll answer your wonder for why the new attention is upsetting to these guys. Based on what I've read and heard from various places, they are upset because the women who are giving them attention now, rejected men exactly like them when they were younger in favor of jerks. This is easy to discover once people have discussions about past dating history and experiences.
As an example, I think these guys would have zero complaints if these women were having fun with nerds in her youth, and then decided to marry a nerd after her fun was over. I use "nerd" as an exaggeration to make my point. Feel free to replace that with decent guy or any type of guy that isn't a jerk/player/thug/bad boy.
I take offense to the word nerd, being a nerd myself! Just kidding!!!
I guess I can sort of understand - but I don't think it is always that they decide to marry a nerd after the fun is over as much as maybe they didn't realize how cool nerds really were. Sort of like maybe someone doesn't think they will like sushi so they never try it. They think - raw fish - ew! And then one day - they decide, what the hell! And turns out they love it! Or maybe they tried it a few times before and they couldn't get past the texture - but it was more the thought of raw fish than the actual texture. And after the 3rd of 4th try - they realize that they texture doesn't bother them at all and they really enjoy it.
But like someone else said - the past is the past. I can understand being upset if they are simply being used - but if a woman really falls for someone - does it matter what kind of a guy she used to date? I think all that matters is who she is in love with now.
I take offense to the word nerd, being a nerd myself! Just kidding!!!
I guess I can sort of understand - but I don't think it is always that they decide to marry a nerd after the fun is over as much as maybe they didn't realize how cool nerds really were. Sort of like maybe someone doesn't think they will like sushi so they never try it. They think - raw fish - ew! And then one day - they decide, what the hell! And turns out they love it! Or maybe they tried it a few times before and they couldn't get past the texture - but it was more the thought of raw fish than the actual texture. And after the 3rd of 4th try - they realize that they texture doesn't bother them at all and they really enjoy it.
But like someone else said - the past is the past. I can understand being upset if they are simply being used - but if a woman really falls for someone - does it matter what kind of a guy she used to date? I think all that matters is who she is in love with now.
but are you big enough to acknowledge your own insulting behavior (as I mentioned, making empty accusations that people are not taking responsibility)?
Forums are the worst, but I'm talking about more than just forums. I'm talking about women who "can't find a decent man", men who complain about women, online, offline, whatever. A lot of people don't take responsibility for their own situation, that's the truth, and it's not just in the dating arena, but in many aspects of life. Some do and that's great, but I don't find them to be the majority.
I don't like the game, I've played it, it's stupid, I'd rather keep it real.
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The prob I'm seeing with your post is that your making the women you meet out to be more than they are.
Not really. They're women. There's nothing they can do that I can't, and if I really want a child they have surrogate mothers for that. In no way do I put them on any kind of pedestal.
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I understand your situation, your last paragraph hit me in particular. Empathy is a great quality to have, our country is need of people who feel very passionate about life. As a man logic is something that is hardwired into us, but if your born with a pair of ovaries that's not the case. Listen there will always be times in conquests where you'll fail, whether it be with a female or a career goal but don't let that stop you.
I'm not one to quit easily on anything, I've always had strong commitment in many of the things I've done. But I've seen NO RETURN on this crusade. It's garbage, it's a folly, the ones who are truly happy care nothing about this. I want to be one of those people and I will get there, just takes distraction and desensitization.
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Stop making financial and emotional investments in women when you first meet them, don't be an enabler. No matter how sweet a woman is, there's always that succubus personality lying dormant waiting to walk over that guy who gives her an inch.
I know what you mean by doormat and that is not me. When I discuss financial investments, I mean taking them on a date. That has proven to be too much. I won't drop more than a few bucks on a date with girl until we're in full blown relationship mode and has shown me has has real interest, yet you never really know anyway because they can go months or years before telling you they weren't really that into you.
Emotional investment: Going on a date and enjoying myself, enjoying their company, sharing passionate and intimate moments. That's too much, Me = done with that nonsense. The women in my life have either faked those feelings very very deceptively or they changed their feelings with the change of the wind. I don't fall in love with these girls at first sight or a couple dates. My last gf urged me to tell her I love her and I held back and didn't say it until I knew, but when I told her, after a month of her pressing the subject she returned with "I'm not ready to say it back". WTF? I stopped saying it, so she said to me only so she could hear me say it more. WTF again? At least I meant what I said and when I hit the grave at least I'll know I was real. How many women can honestly look themselves in the mirror and say they weren't deceptive in the dating/love game? Find me one. I can do that and that's worth more than anything that any of these lowlife women I've come across could ever give me.
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The best advice I can give you is to spend some time traveling, learning about yourself. Learn another language, or learn to play an instrument and then bang a few chicks when your ready. Some cats feel they don't have the options when they don't realize they can just make them...
I do what I want, and I don't give a fck about being friendly, interested, or nice to these women. I won't be an outright d*ck, I just won't care because other than one night of fun there isn't anything they have to offer that I want, and the one night with them isn't even worth the effort. I have things going on in my life that keep me plenty busy and I'm enjoying my summer quite a bit. I've love to travel but times are tough money wise and I'm trying to be smart despite how much I'm making. I see worse things ahead than our current recession in the near future, but that's just me. I'm playing it safe in that department.
I work hard at my job, I have great friends, I have many hobbies and I work out 5 times a week and recently lost 25 lbs, bulked up, and I get compliments ALL THE TIME on my 'new' body. I have abs for the first time in my life, and it's awesome.
Sounds like you have a good life. You've done a lot to meet women in different places so maybe it's just bad luck for you. And you probably have good luck in other areas of life (good friends, a good job, money).
However, it can't just be bad luck for the vast majority of men and women in your situation of finding it tough to meet a decent person of the opposite gender.
Hey, Hans? I'm not sure if you saw my post to you because you didn't respond, but here's an addendum. The following is the reality of the sweet, nice, kind young woman who goes for casual hookups and easy sex:
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Originally Posted by wordlife
In reality, no one wants a woman with a cavernous box. If you have a reputation for being loose, I have one word that I think all men should adopt "bye" (and if your over 35 "Deuces!"). I'm a big advocate of men dating, (and if they want to) marrying much younger women. No one wants to deal with a ****, yet the reality is that they're rewarded for this behavior without penalty. What's worse is the damage these complaining women do when they have illegitimate spawns and they expect that "nice guy" to be their meal ticket, GTFOH!
Reality of this is, don't pay these women any mind. When you see their facebook, BBM, twitter, statuses...pay them no mind. When your on a date setting them up for the pump and dump, ignore what they're saying. Just get in and get out.
There's a major disconnect in both sexes between what they say they want and whom they actually pursue. The pump and dump guys who complain about entitled b****es are not looking for the good girls either.
There's a major disconnect in both sexes between what they say they want and whom they actually pursue. The pump and dump guys who complain about entitled b****es are not looking for the good girls either.
Because they know that either they're too far and few between and they don't have the looks, height, or money to attract them.
Or, if they're really smart, men know they don't exist and he's stopped looking, he's realized his place in this world no longer as a provider or head of household....he's a flavor of the week, he's an ego boost, he's a random hook up. That's our role. At least I can see and admit that.
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