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Well of course I like her, she's my friend. If I didn't like her, I wouldn't be friends with her. But being attracted to her changes the dynamics. I am an affectionate guy. I hug my friends, just not her. She acts weird when I did try to at one point.
But I have touched her, I even crack her back from time to time. and she even asks me to pluck the hairs she got lasered from the back of her neck.
All I ever wanted was a damn hug from her on occasion...lol
Well of course I like her, she's my friend. If I didn't like her, I wouldn't be friends with her. But being attracted to her changes the dynamics. I am an affectionate guy. I hug my friends, just not her. She acts weird when I did try to at one point.
But I have touched her, I even crack her back from time to time. and she even asks me to pluck the hairs she got lasered from the back of her neck.
All I ever wanted was a damn hug from her on occasion...lol
Wow - I never thought I'd live to see the day when plucking lasered neck-hairs won out over hugs. Talk about up close and personal!
Maybe try a ninja attack - when she least expects it, jump-hug her!
Sigh. I give up. I HAD a crush on a my best friend, but I got over that. I was just wondering. Like when I drop her off at the airport, etc...those kind of situations, but you all are only seeing is that there is possibly some sort of romantic thing I have for this woman. So you guys don't hug your good friends goodbye/hello? Is there something wrong with that? I guess it really doesn't matter.
So this seems pretty clear cut to me. You used to have a crush on her. Even if you never told her, girls can usually tell those things pretty easily. And former crushes are easily rekindled. (In fact, just given the fact that you're upset over this, taking notes on how she hugs other people, etc, would leave me to believe this crush isn't so much in the past tense as you believe.)
I would guess that she is worried that any physical affection she gives you will be misinterpreted, or you will start showing your feelings for her and she'll feel weirded out about that. I think what she's doing is very smart, accordingly, keeping some appropriate distance between you.
And frankly, the fact that you seem to need this from her speaks volumes. I can't think of a single one of my friends where I need to have physical contact. We hang out, do stuff together, have great conversations... but there's no need for physical contact from them. I think you're not being entirely honest about your feelings, either with us, or with yourself.
So yes, I think we're all seeing the same thing. You're not seeing it because you don't want to admit it.
So this seems pretty clear cut to me. You used to have a crush on her. Even if you never told her, girls can usually tell those things pretty easily. And former crushes are easily rekindled. (In fact, just given the fact that you're upset over this, taking notes on how she hugs other people, etc, would leave me to believe this crush isn't so much in the past tense as you believe.)
I would guess that she is worried that any physical affection she gives you will be misinterpreted, or you will start showing your feelings for her and she'll feel weirded out about that. I think what she's doing is very smart, accordingly, keeping some appropriate distance between you.
And frankly, the fact that you seem to need this from her speaks volumes. I can't think of a single one of my friends where I need to have physical contact. We hang out, do stuff together, have great conversations... but there's no need for physical contact from them. I think you're not being entirely honest about with your feelings, either with us, or with yourself.
So yes, I think we're all seeing the same thing. You're not seeing it because you don't want to admit it.
So this seems pretty clear cut to me. You used to have a crush on her. Even if you never told her, girls can usually tell those things pretty easily. And former crushes are easily rekindled. (In fact, just given the fact that you're upset over this, taking notes on how she hugs other people, etc, would leave me to believe this crush isn't so much in the past tense as you believe.)
I would guess that she is worried that any physical affection she gives you will be misinterpreted, or you will start showing your feelings for her and she'll feel weirded out about that. I think what she's doing is very smart, accordingly, keeping some appropriate distance between you.
And frankly, the fact that you seem to need this from her speaks volumes. I can't think of a single one of my friends where I need to have physical contact. We hang out, do stuff together, have great conversations... but there's no need for physical contact from them. I think you're not being entirely honest about your feelings, either with us, or with yourself.
So yes, I think we're all seeing the same thing. You're not seeing it because you don't want to admit it.
And frankly, the fact that you seem to need this from her speaks volumes. I can't think of a single one of my friends where I need to have physical contact. We hang out, do stuff together, have great conversations... but there's no need for physical contact from them. I think you're not being entirely honest about your feelings, either with us, or with yourself.
To be fair - depending upon your background/upbringing, physical displays of affection can be an expected everyday thing. People just have varying amounts of desire for it - that doesn't make the craving of it wrong.
Try living in a city like NYC for a few years and you'll see what it's like to exist in a world where people all have their own "bubbles" and woe to him that trespasses. That's hell for an aging Italian hippie like me - I'm used to close physicality with my ladyfriends.
To be fair - depending upon your background/upbringing, physical displays of affection can be an expected everyday thing. People just have varying amounts of desire for it - that doesn't make the craving of it wrong.
Try living in a city like NYC for a few years and you'll see what it's like to exist in a world where people all have their own "bubbles" and woe to him that trespasses. That's hell for an aging Italian hippie like me - I'm used to close physicality with my ladyfriends.
Well, maybe it's an Italian thang. We don't know the OP. For my Nordic blood, a handshake is ok. A hug is only ok if I've known you for years, even though if forced I will reciprocate. It just depends on the person.
I think the difference here is that the OP craves it from one person in particular. That is what sets it apart. I can see wondering about it if I really didn't care and it wasn't important to me. But usually I wouldn't start a thread about it unless it was, or there were unusual uncomfortable feelings involved, which do indicate a level of importance that the OP might not be aware of.
To be fair - depending upon your background/upbringing, physical displays of affection can be an expected everyday thing. People just have varying amounts of desire for it - that doesn't make the craving of it wrong.
Try living in a city like NYC for a few years and you'll see what it's like to exist in a world where people all have their own "bubbles" and woe to him that trespasses. That's hell for an aging Italian hippie like me - I'm used to close physicality with my ladyfriends.
Sure, that's fair. But on the other hand, I find it a little "off" that he's having such trouble accepting she doesn't want to hug him. The fact that he "used to" (and perhaps still does) have unrequited feelings for her seems like a perfectly sensible reason why she would enjoy hugging other friends but wouldn't want any physical contact from him. Maybe this is a need that he needs to get met through other means (family members, finding a significant other, etc.)
I think the difference here is that the OP craves it from one person in particular. That is what sets it apart. I can see wondering about it if I really didn't care and it wasn't important to me. But usually I wouldn't start a thread about it unless it was, or there were unusual uncomfortable feelings involved, which do indicate a level of importance that the OP might not be aware of.
But what is the source? We have to be careful not just to treat symptoms, but to discover and heal the root source of the conflict.
You said the fact that he claims it from one person sets it apart. I agree. Now, WHY does it set it apart - because:
A. - He wants to get it goin' with her?
B. - She is prominent by her physical absence?
See what I mean? He could notice her because he does indeed have a thing for her, in which case he would be figuratively jacking us off at this very moment; or he could notice her because she is the only friend of his that holds back physically - an oddity, one to be investigated.
Two TOTALLY different motivations, producing two totally different sets of responses in him. If we listen to what a person DOESN'T say, often that speaks far louder than what they say. BTW - I'm not implying that's a major consideration here - just that it's something to always be considered.
Best Female Friend....
....that doesn't like hugging me.
She's trying to hide an erection. We've talked about this on the forum already.
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