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You could be treading on dangerous ground. I don't know what state you work in or what company you work for, but do yourself a favor and learn what the Sexual Harrassment laws and policies are where you work. Some companies will jam you up for showing any affection in the work place. It doesn't even have to be a complaint from the person you are showing affection toward.
In many companies Sexual Harrassment is defined as any behavior or perceived behavior in the work place that an employee feels is creating an uncomfortable or hostile environment for that employee. A jealous female co-worker could see you give this woman a hug and a kiss and go right to Human Resources to complain that your behavior made her feel uncomfortable. Even though she was not the recipient of your affection. She could make you out to be some kind of sexual predator working in the office, and that observing your behavior makes her fearful to come to work. She could easily tell HR that she fears you may molest her.
I'm not making this up or being over the top. I have lived through this BS.
SloRoller, you bring up some good points. About my company...I'd say there's pretty liberal with employee relationships as some past ones have hooked up, but I must admit, I haven't seen them actually get affectionate while in the office. They were together and you could tell they were a couple before they even "came out", but no kissie kissie in the corner office or anything.
Another female getting jealous and even taking it out of context with the sexual predator claim sounds pretty wild, but if I were to hug this girl, I'd probably do it without any witnesses, in case a jealous backstabber decides to approach the hugged girl and conspires against me in a complaint to HR. Therefore if I do make any kind of move, I'd better be 100% sure that the recipient of the hug welcomes it and no one else sees it. In that sense, it's probably best to test the waters and see whether she's really as huggable as she looks and wants it. lol.
If you don't mind sharing your story of being falsely accused of sexual harassment, it would make for interesting reading. You can also PM me if you prefer to keep it out of the limelight.
re: starting smoking - umm, no thanks. I suppose that this colleague may not be so pleasant to smell if she smokes though, unless she wears deodorant/perfume. But like I said, her eyes, bod and personality draw me in. Then again, how about simply opening my eyes and seeing what else is out there, a safer prospect outside the office? I suppose it's the whole forbidden fruit aspect that lures me in.
I have a colleague who's from Eastern Europe, has a typical firecracker personality (emotional), but also has several nice features like a nice body and when she's happy, she's really friendly.
Besides saying hi and bye each time she goes by my desk (not all women in my office do that...), she comes up to me asking me questions even though I'm not her supervisor, so she trusts my judgement in that respect.
One day when she was about to take off for vacation, she was super cheery and stood in front of my desk while I was seated, looking really happy, with a fun voice...the energy of a teenage girl essentially, except she's in her 20s.
I was debating with myself whether to stand up, hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek wishing her a safe trip.
Since she returned, she's been touching me now and then...just today I was have a snack in the breakroom alone when she walked behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, then when I looked up, she smiled coyly. Hmmmm I wonder if she's playing with me or this is actually a sign she'd like me to step it up and approach her more often. I work in an office with a 2:1 female:male ratio and I'm usually strictly business with the women there. Except for the fact she smokes (which I can't stand and am moving away from), she's kind of cute. I like how she's pretty flirty. There is of course a possibility she's just being friendly and I'm reading too much into it.
What would you do in my shoes?
She wants you. From a Firecracker myself, lol beware of mood swings. And the week before or after women's aunt flow they get extremely horny.
Therefore if I do make any kind of move, I'd better be 100% sure that the recipient of the hug welcomes it and no one else sees it. In that sense, it's probably best to test the waters and see whether she's really as huggable as she looks and wants it. lol.
If your job is more than a McJob and you want to keep it or want to get promoted then you must behave professionally when at the office. No hugging hot women. If you develop a hugging behaviour then it must be non-discriminatory but that doesn't sound like you so you don't have that excuse.
Professionalism means keeping the huggy/kissy stuff outside the office. It also means respecting any rejection to your advances. But here is the thing I want to get across...
You're somewhat shy right? (Its OK. So am I.) Don't substitute hugging and gradual/physical contact to substitute a straight up asking her to go to coffee or whatever **outside** the office. I like the shopping thing. Go for it.
As far as smoking goes, I don't see why people say to drop her. I believe many women would quit smoking for a good guy. Why not find out? I'd like to know what others think.
I'd be prone to bring it up on the first date with small questions like, "How long have you smoked" and progress to see if she'd hard core 'Bingo smoker' or a hobby smoker. That's your chance to tell her you've never smoked and perhaps a wedge to say it's an impediment to a serious relationship. Play that one by ear but eventually you'd have to confront that issue. No need to be dogmatic though.
By the way... you're hot for her aren't you? Why don't you say that? You come off so detached and yet from the way you describe her, I'm hot for her! She sounds like a dream (albeit a smokey dream).
You come off so detached and yet from the way you describe her, I'm hot for her! She sounds like a dream (albeit a smokey dream).WC
I agree that the OP seems to be very detached in a sense and I think he's rather indulging in fantasy here. He seems well aware of the basic rules about fraternization in the workplace. She has simply touched his shoulder a couple of times and his estimation that she looked at him "coyly" is his own interpretation of a look which was more than likely simply a friendly smile.
When he says, "if I were to hug this girl, I'd probably do it without any witnesses, in case a jealous backstabber decides to approach the hugged girl and conspires against me in a complaint to HR. Therefore if I do make any kind of move, I'd better be 100% sure that the recipient of the hug welcomes it and no one else sees it. In that sense, it's probably best to test the waters and see whether she's really as huggable as she looks and wants it", is to me, rather creepy.
I rather suspect this sort of thinking pattern might roll over into other aspects of his life as there seems to be a basic paranoia involved.
I agree that the OP seems to be very detached in a sense and I think he's rather indulging in fantasy here. He seems well aware of the basic rules about fraternization in the workplace. She has simply touched his shoulder a couple of times and his estimation that she looked at him "coyly" is his own interpretation of a look which was more than likely simply a friendly smile.
When he says, "if I were to hug this girl, I'd probably do it without any witnesses, in case a jealous backstabber decides to approach the hugged girl and conspires against me in a complaint to HR. Therefore if I do make any kind of move, I'd better be 100% sure that the recipient of the hug welcomes it and no one else sees it. In that sense, it's probably best to test the waters and see whether she's really as huggable as she looks and wants it", is to me, rather creepy.
I rather suspect this sort of thinking pattern might roll over into other aspects of his life as there seems to be a basic paranoia involved.
Hmmm... I'm careful to trot out the 'creepy' word here. A lot of harmless and nice people do things that people think are creepy because they don't understand the people they portray. I like this guy. I sense good intentions but I'm seeing some over thinking and over complication. My prime suspicion is that he is over complicating the issue as a means to avoid asking her out.
I also suspect he is "thinking out loud" rather than being careful how he puts things. I mean, the thread is being positioned as a debate over whether to hug her or not and then gets into witnesses and such. Once you're thinking "witnesses", you are off track. I think if he re-reads the thread, he'll see this is a little off. Some perceive it as creepy which I think is a word that is used too quickly with people who are not sure how to handle a situation and come up with many creative ideas of which consequently many are not good.
Bottom line, he needs to either ask her out, act like a platonic friend or ignore her. Planning how and when to hug and the terms for it is the wrong focus.
I think he is shy (Which is OK!!!) and is going through this mental torture to avoid dealing with her directly.
Paranoia? Sure, such things don't happen in the workplaces WHATSOEVER!
We live in cages, not in our own restaurants on tropical islands!
Forgive me but this post confuses me no end.
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and stood in front of my desk while I was seated, looking really happy, with a fun voice...the energy of a teenage girl essentially, except she's in her 20s. 
