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YES! You word this perfectly. By not doing something equally as shocking, all would continue status quo.
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Originally Posted by JerZ
I disagree. The next 20 years would have been quite a bit more hell if the future DIL hadn't publicly shamed the MIL over this. People who are used to abusing people are also used to the rest of the family keeping things under wraps. This makes it convenient for the abuse to just keep going..and going...and going. But once exposed, a bully, typically being a real weakling underneath, tends to retreat, and fast. What a surprise this bully must have gotten in this case. Go DIL!
Yes, it's real and making headlines in the UK.
This marriage is doomed. The bride publicly shamed her future MIL and threw gasoline on an already smoldering fire. The publicity is going to embarrass everyone. You can bet MIL is plotting her revenge now. The husband to be is going to be forever caught in the middle of these 2 women who hate each other.
The moral of this story and many other recent ones is be VERY CAREFUL about email, twitter, facebook. Why intelligent, educated and successful people keep shooting themselves in the foot this way baffles me. I guess they feel their every thought is a pearl of wisdom or a witty bon mot to be shared with the world. Hmmm kind of like city data forum. But at least we are posting anonymously. Maybe she should have posted her rant here instead of emailing it to her nemesis DIL.
It's a good thing the marriage is doomed before it could be finalized. Who wants to bring kids into a family like this - then it will definitely be way too late!
Funny thing is the DIL is not going to be nearly as embarrassed as the MIL is gonna be.
I don't think it was a very smart move for the bride to leak this email, even though I can understand why she'd be insulted. She is marrying into this family soon, and its all starting out with the airing of dirty laundry in public. That's bad form, even though the MIL is a shrew. Leaking this email is the equivalent of talking your mom into appearing on Jerry Springer for reasons you can't reveal until the taping. By forwarding this email, they will probably never get over their rift. The bride has just made her next 20+ years far more hellish than they need to me. (And to be honest, if the MIL isn't lying... she is right. That was very tacky behavior. I wouldn't promote this about myself.)
The MIL is being exposed for exactly what she is...a controlling, condescending *****. If she had a half ounce of wisdom she would have made some attempt to build a bridge, not a wall. There is no teaching in critical, condescending judgement. A Mother-In-Law is supposed to teach, not attack. She is supposed to exhibit some level of maturity more advanced than that of the younger woman marrying her son.
It should also be noted that she is marrying into the family, not marrying the family. If they don't like her or approve of her manners, they don't have to live with it. The more constructive approach is to learn about the DIL's background, not spit on it.
I certainly hope that the groom has the balls to tell his mother where to get off. If I were a betting man I would wager that the MIL will do all she can to interfere in the marriage and belittle the DIL at every opportunity.
Boorish behavior toward your son's future bride just doesn't look good on a grown man's mother.
The MIL is being exposed for exactly what she is...a controlling, condescending *****. If she had a half ounce of wisdom she would have made some attempt to build a bridge, not a wall. There is no teaching in critical, condescending judgement. A Mother-In-Law is supposed to teach, not attack. She is supposed to exhibit some level of maturity more advanced than that of the younger woman marrying her son.
It should also be noted that she is marrying into the family, not marrying the family. If they don't like her or approve of her manners, they don't have to live with it. The more constructive approach is to learn about the DIL's background, not spit on it.
I certainly hope that the groom has the balls to tell his mother where to get off. If I were a betting man I would wager that the MIL will do all she can to interfere in the marriage and belittle the DIL at every opportunity.
Boorish behavior toward your son's future bride just doesn't look good on a grown man's mother.
Forwarding a private email, especially with names attached, is a low class move. I don't care whether the other person deserves it or not, it is still a personal choice to act with integrity. The DIL has none.
"When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something."
"It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.
I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar."
If the fiancee has diabetes, I think that gives her a valid reason to declare what she will and won't eat. Her condition is very pertinent to that because many diabetics have dietary restrictions.
That old witch has no compassion.
The MIL is actually Dear Freddie's step-mum. She sounds like a complete shrew...but the DIL sounds just as bad. If she did all the things her MIL claimed, she does need some etiquette lessons.
Freddie is probably marrying out of his class in rebellion towards his parents. It sounds like a complete train wreck.
If the fiancee has diabetes, I think that gives her a valid reason to declare what she will and won't eat. Her condition is very pertinent to that because many diabetics have dietary restrictions.
That old witch has no compassion.
It would have been more proper and polite to pull the hostess aside or phone ahead to discuss any dietary restrictions or concerns. She should not have announced it nor discussed it at the dinner table.
When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.
You do not remark that you do not have enough food.
You do not start before everyone else.
All fair points but I'm unsure about the rest - if the MIL had stopped here, I'd probably be supporting her but gradually, with each comment, she gets more and more unreasonable from here.
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You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
Surely, this just indicates she likes the food, which you should take as a compliment - what's the big deal? As long as everyone got first helpings, I don't see anything wrong with taking seconds, especially if she asked first.
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When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.
She's a grown woman and she's entitled to sleep in as long as she wants. Unless the family had made plans which involved her and she forced everyone to delay, I do not see what the problem is. Why do you care so much what her sleeping habits are if it's not interfering with your day? Part of being a gracious host means making your guest feel at home, not demanding they conform to your strict schedule.
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You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time
True but equally, you should never ever insult the woman your son has chosen to spend his life with. Even if she insults you first, be the bigger person and just let it go.
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You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
Hate to break it to you but plenty of regular people get married in castles so you've just made a sweeping statement insulting anyone who ever got married in a castle, including my own SIL. So now you're insulting people you don't even know just so you can have a pop at your DIL. Classy!
Regardless, even if you found it over-the-top, it's not your wedding, it's hers. And your son's! If your son is okay with it, why do you have such a problem with it? She's entitled to have the wedding of her choice and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of it. Especially if you're not paying for it, it's really none of your business. Insulting her wedding style is just as tacky as you obviously think her wedding is.
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I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)
So now you're insulting her parents?!
You sound a little too hung up on "conventions", manners and etiquette. Yes, those things are important to a certain extent. But did you ever stop to think that maybe there's a REASON your son has chosen someone who is NOT so hung up on "convention" - maybe, just maybe, he thinks you take it a little too far and he wants to be with someone who is more relaxed.
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If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
It probably would be a wiser chose but it's not your choice. If your son is happy with it, then it's obviously HIS choice too but somehow I doubt you'll be berating him for it like this.
For someone who is so concerned with having class and being ladylike, this ruthlessly insulting email is extremely unladylike and tacky.
Those are my thoughts. Naturally, by "you" I am addressing the person who wrote this letter, not the OP who copy and pasted it. It's entirely possible that the DIL has been rude or insulting as well - maybe they are both to blame for bad behavior. Publicizing this email certainly isn't a point in the DIL's favor. But that doesn't justify MIL's behavior either. I looked it up and found a news article with the full letter where the MIL even suggests the DIL attend a finishing school! Who does this woman think she is, royalty?!
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