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I believe the one who does the asking should pay. I see nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. I have never done it. And the men I date (now) would never allow me to pay. Nor would it ever be point of discussion.
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Originally Posted by MrDezi
Yes. I don't let them pay though. I know better than that. When they suggest to pay, even if they invited, I see it as a trap. They nicely volunteer to pay, but I know deep down they believe I should pay. If I didn't, I know I would not get a second date. That's just how it goes I guess.
You guess? Is that the way it goes? How do you know enough about someone to know they are not being sincere when they offer to pay on the first date?
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I am sure there are some women out there that really would not mind paying for the date,
Apparently, not if you see every offer to pay as a "trap".
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but to know which is and which is not, that is the tricky part. Which in the end is not worth finding out.
But you still date. Makes no sense.
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Originally Posted by MrDezi
For those of you saying that the person that did the invitation should pay let me clarify the original question....
ASSUME THE FIRST DATE IN QUESTION WAS MUTUALLY AGREED UPON.
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Originally Posted by MrDezi
For those of you saying that the person that did the invitation should pay let me clarify the original question....
ASSUME THE FIRST DATE IN QUESTION WAS A MUTUAL INVITATION.
These make no sense either. All dates are mutually agreed upon, unless there is a gun to one's head. And how often do two people do the inviting
at the exact same time?
This sounds more like another woman bashing thread. How original.
For those of you saying that the person that did the invitation should pay let me clarify the original question....
ASSUME THE FIRST DATE IN QUESTION WAS MUTUALLY AGREED UPON.
You mean like if you asked her, "Would you like to meet me at Lucky Dragon on Friday at 7 p.m. and buy your own food?" and she said yes? Then sure, she should pay.
Mr. Dezi, would you like to have dinner with me at my house? You would? Terrific! Please bring a salad, dessert, two bottles of wine and some napkins. Thank you. See you then.
I believe the one who does the asking should pay. I see nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. I have never done it. And the men I date (now) would never allow me to pay. Nor would it ever be point of discussion.
Good for you.
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Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
You guess? Is that the way it goes? How do you know enough about someone to know they are not being sincere when they offer to pay on the first date?
It would be stupid of me to bring this up on a first date. I does bother me, but not enough to ruin a date or to even discuss it with someone I am barely meeting. I understand that is just how society works. I won't ruin a date just to have a discussion about this. That is the reason I use the forums to have discussions about subjects like this.
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Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Apparently, not if you see every offer to pay as a "trap".
But you still date. Makes no sense.
What are the odds the woman is sincerely asking this question? Most women ask it as a courtesy more than anything. I don't want to fall in the trap of saying yes to splitting/letting her pay the bill and risking ruining the date. I just go with it.
Of course I still date. This is just a discussion forum. I am writing this for discussion's sake, not as principle I live by.
If I let her pay or suggest splitting, I'll look like an a$$. I have the money to pay, its just the principal behind it I don't like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
These make no sense either. All dates are mutually agreed upon, unless there is a gun to one's head. And how often do two people do the inviting
at the exact same time?
This was an answer to another person's question. Please read the the previous threads.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
This sounds more like another woman bashing thread. How original.
You mean like if you asked her, "Would you like to meet me at Lucky Dragon on Friday at 7 p.m. and buy your own food?" and she said yes? Then sure, she should pay.
Mr. Dezi, would you like to have dinner with me at my house? You would? Terrific! Please bring a salad, dessert, two bottles of wine and some napkins. Thank you. See you then.
See how weird that is?
It is just as weird as you want it to be. I believe the ideal way to handle this is just to do it in a casual matter and it applies to places where you actually pay for food/entrance/etc. I just believe that the way things should be to keep equality among the sexes is for the female not to have an expectation of they guy paying, but instead to expect the bill to be split. This would give him the option to either pay for it if he wishes to or split it.
It is just as weird as you want it to be. I believe the ideal way to handle this is just to do it in a casual matter and it applies to places where you actually pay for food/entrance/etc. I just believe that the way things should be to keep equality among the sexes is for the female not to have an expectation of they guy paying, but instead to expect the bill to be split. This would give him the option to either pay for it if he wishes to or split it.
It is already equal. If she asks you, she pays. If a guy invites me to dinner, am I supposed to ask where we're going so I can find out if I can afford it? That is just awkward and weird to me. But good luck with doing it your way.
It is already equal. If she asks you, she pays. If a guy invites me to dinner, am I supposed to ask where we're going so I can find out if I can afford it? That is just awkward and weird to me. But good luck with doing it your way.
I agree. If dh and had had this arrangement when we met, there would have been one very embarassing scene at a restaurant followed by my never going out with him again because I'd be too embarassed. I was broke when we met. If I had had to see a doctor back then I would have had to have borrowed the money from someone. Dh was making the equivalent of about $50K today. Not rich but I figured he had the sense to pick restaurants he could afford.
IMO, it is unfair of one person who can afford to go out to ASSume that the other person can also afford to go out. Financial matters usually are not discussed before the first date. So, the person who does the asking does the paying and picks the restaurant. If the assumption would have been we each paid our own bill, I never would have gone out with dh. I just couldn't afford it.
There is no category for depends, but really I don't think it's that a big deal. When I date it has always been the person with more money who paid. If I had more money I would pay if my date had more money she would pay. I remember one of my first dates in college I offered to pay and my date who was rather well off essentially grabbed the check and told me that I was cute, but shouldn't be silly.
Like it or not, men who pay for the first date are more successful than men who don't pay. It is up to you to decide if you are willing to pony up the money for a date in order to gain this edge. If you don't want to pay, you are well within your rights to inform your dates that you will be going dutch, at the time you extend the invitation. You will have many women reject you as a result, but that's the choice you are making. Life isn't fair, man up and understand we all have to face things that work against us in life. Paying the check isn't fair to you, but that's the way it is.
Lot's of unfair things happen to us all. Example: I am black, and if I dress too casually I am not given the same amount of respect as I get when I dress well. I am talking, I get the "do you even belong here?" treatment as opposed to being welcomed. Tough luck, I suck it up and understand this is a factor in how I choose to present myself to the world. It isn't fair but that's just too bad to me, no reason to cry about it.
Whoever asked out the other. Why on earth would you ask ME out on a first date, and expect me to pay for the evening? You are hosting...you pay. I ask you, I pay.
It is already equal. If she asks you, she pays. If a guy invites me to dinner, am I supposed to ask where we're going so I can find out if I can afford it? That is just awkward and weird to me. But good luck with doing it your way.
No kidding. Common sense.
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Common sense.
