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You don't get to take a car home and put 100,00 miles on it before deciding that you don't want that make and model after all.
Marriages break up and it is never over the fact they had sex first.
In my country living together is perfectly acceptable, we don't have this moralistic view about sex before marriage.
Whilst I don't think sleeping with every Chow, SifuPhil or Harry is a good thing, having sex with someone you love is hardly going to cause the sky to fall.
We have seen the moral decline of people but I guess I have not seen it or read it like this.
Sex was something special. Something shared between two people.
I read someone saying what if the other person is not good in bed. You teach them. You grow together. What if you married and thought they were good in bed and after a few sessions you rekindle thoughts of the other persons you had sex with?
People throw sex out the window. It's a gift you only give to your partner. That is the connection you both have that no one can have.
The morals of this world is really gross. That is why we have so many diseases. You are treating your bodies like toilets. People can come and do their thing and move on. NEXT!
Diamonds are a gift, sex is not. It's a shared experience between 2 adults. They can choose whether they want to only do it with the one they love, or with someone they just want to have sex with. As long as they are consenting, it is no-one elses business.
Maybe I'm confused about the circumstances under which the hypothetical "test drive" happens because from what I'm reading here, posters think it's smart to test drive a person before entering into a loving, committed relationship.
If you wait until after a loving committed relationship is established, the points made for test driving don't make any sense. Isn't the whole argument for test driving so that you can avoid getting serious with someone who is a dud?
If I felt strongly about needing to test drive a person, I would want to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Preferably the first date, or even before the first date (the first meeting). That would allow me the opportunity to not get emotionally involved with someone who isn't good in bed.
Maybe I'm confused about the circumstances under which the hypothetical "test drive" happens because from what I'm reading here, posters think it's smart to test drive a person before entering into a loving, committed relationship.
If you wait until after a loving committed relationship is established, the points made for test driving don't make any sense. Isn't the whole argument for test driving so that you can avoid getting serious with someone who is a dud?
I have had sex with very few people - I was in long term relationships with most of them. For me personally, I don't feel as if I know someone inside and out until I have slept with them. I don't feel truly comfortable with someone until I have slept with them. This is, of course, confined to romantic relationships - I don't need to sleep with everyone! Until I have slept with someone - there is this tension, this mystery - which is exciting - but which I need to dispell before I can truly figure out if it is true love, love, or merely infatuation. In my long term relationships - we we had already comitted to each other emotionally and had decided to be exclusive before we slept together. Now, keep in mind - I'm just describing my feelings for me on sex. I'm not saying this is how everyone feels or that this is how everyone should feel. This is merely how I feel.
Also - one thing I'd like to add. When you are in love with someone and you have a great sex life - the sex is always special. I feel like the people that think sex stops being special if you have had sex with more than one person don't understand this. Sex with my husband has always been more special than with anyone else because we love each other and because we are so compatible in every way. I've also had not so great sex with someone I thought I was in love with. I would not have been happy with it for the rest of my life and I'm glad I found out.
Whilst I don't think sleeping with every Chow, SifuPhil or Harry is a good thing, having sex with someone you love is hardly going to cause the sky to fall.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
Diamonds are a gift, sex is not. It's a shared experience between 2 adults. They can choose whether they want to only do it with the one they love, or with someone they just want to have sex with. As long as they are consenting, it is no-one elses business.
Can you clarify your thoughts on why you believe it's not a good thing to have sex with every Chow, SifuPhil, or Harry? As long as they are consenting adults, the sky won't fall so why not?
Can you clarify your thoughts on why you believe it's not a good thing to have sex with every Chow, SifuPhil, or Harry? As long as they are consenting adults, the sky won't fall so why not?
Having sex with multiple men for a women is considered high risk behaviour for medical problems like PID. Even using a condom does not offer complete protection so it's best not to sleep with too many men.
I don't think sex before marriage is important. My view may come as a surprise to some, but here it is.
Two people who saved each other for marriage can establish an amazing sexual relationship after they say "I do". They could learn from each other and teach each other and discover this amazing part of intimacy together.
I am also not religious enough to look down on sex before marriage. How could I? I certainly had plenty of it myself. I have a very open-minded view about this. I think sex before marriage is great and I think waiting until after you get married could be just as great!!!
Although I strongly believe that sexual compatibility is important, how many couples who had mind-blowing sex BEFORE marriage ended up having a very crappy sex few years INTO marriage. Just because you are compatible in the beginning doesn't mean much really. It's all about communication and if you are communicating your needs and wants, your sex life could be fantastic regardless whether or not you had waited.
PS: I think that there are 2 extreme group of people: One thinks that it's invaluable to wait and another one thinks that waiting is stupid and may lead to disaster. I fall somewhere in between. I think it's up to an individual.
I have had sex with very few people - I was in long term relationships with most of them. For me personally, I don't feel as if I know someone inside and out until I have slept with them. I don't feel truly comfortable with someone until I have slept with them. This is, of course, confined to romantic relationships - I don't need to sleep with everyone! Until I have slept with someone - there is this tension, this mystery - which is exciting - but which I need to dispell before I can truly figure out if it is true love, love, or merely infatuation. In my long term relationships - we we had already comitted to each other emotionally and had decided to be exclusive before we slept together. Now, keep in mind - I'm just describing my feelings for me on sex. I'm not saying this is how everyone feels or that this is how everyone should feel. This is merely how I feel.
Also - one thing I'd like to add. When you are in love with someone and you have a great sex life - the sex is always special. I feel like the people that think sex stops being special if you have had sex with more than one person don't understand this. Sex with my husband has always been more special than with anyone else because we love each other and because we are so compatible in every way. I've also had not so great sex with someone I thought I was in love with. I would not have been happy with it for the rest of my life and I'm glad I found out.
Thank you for elaborating, Dewdrop. If you were committed to each other before sex, then it either wasn't a "test drive" or else you are using the word "commitment" loosely. I don't see how a person can call their relationship "committed" if they ended it over lackluster sex.
Thank you for elaborating, Dewdrop. If you were committed to each other before sex, then it either wasn't a "test drive" or else you are using the word "commitment" loosely. I don't see how a person can call their relationship "committed" if they ended it over lackluster sex.
I never said I ended it over lackluster sex. It was one of the problems in our relationship. However, as we are talking about sex and not the other issues that we had - I simply mentioned that we weren't compatible in the bedroom and not every other way in which we were not compatible. I was with my first boyfriend for 5 years. My second for 3 1/2 years. I don't think I'm using the term commitment loosely. I think you are trying to be too literal with "test drive." I think all people are trying to say is that not everyone is okay with having a great unknown in their relationship when they get married. At least, that is what I'm trying to say. When I married my husband - we had no secrets. We already knew each other inside and out. Our relationship from the very beginning has been seamless. We met, fell in love, slept together, moved in together, got engaged, got a joint bank account, got married, bought a house, and now are having a baby. Every big step that we have taken - it has felt like we were already there so the step hasn't felt nearly as big and scary. For me - this has been ideal.
Like I have said before - every single person is different. I don't think there is one right answer to this question - I think we should each do what is right for us. I'm not here to judge people that feel like waiting is best for them. It just wasn't best for me.
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Until I have slept with someone - there is this tension, this mystery - which is exciting - but which I need to dispell before I can truly figure out if it is true love, love, or merely infatuation. In my long term relationships - we we had already comitted to each other emotionally and had decided to be exclusive before we slept together. Now, keep in mind - I'm just describing my feelings for me on sex. I'm not saying this is how everyone feels or that this is how everyone should feel. This is merely how I feel.
