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I'm going to give my best guess. You mentioned that you're dating college women and from my experience it's probably due to immaturity on their end. I'll give you a possible perspective from their side. When I was in college I did the same thing to a guy that wanted to date me. He was a really nice guy and I talked to him regularly but I wasn't into him like that. I looked at him as more of a friend. He asked me out and instead of saying no, I said yes. I just didn't want to hurt his feelings. So I let him think we were going out together and he confirmed and I again said yes. I know, I was such a dummy. Anyway, the big day came and he finally arrived at my front door. I basically told him that I totally forgot and that I couldn't go and closed the door. We were supposed to go biking and he was all dressed up for it with his bike on his car and everything. I can tell you that until this day, I really wish I can find him and apologize for my lack of maturity. I feel really bad to have lead him on that day, but the fact is I just couldn't turn him down so I just lead him on until the actual date. I know, now looking back it was so dumb and the look on his face when I told him sorry I couldn't go with him. It was pretty heartbreaking. So maybe what you're going through has more to do with their maturity level than anything. The good news is it will get better for you because we girls mature with time. Things will all work out, you just have to be a little patient and don't give up. Best of luck to you!
EVERYONE gets flaked on.... not everyone takes it to heart. There are millions of flakes in the world, for various reasons..... It's nothing. Just move on, and don't take it personally.
I second this. I didn't know it the first few times it happened to me from online dating, but people flake because they don't know how to say "no" right away. Just realize that they are not worth it, it was nothing YOU did, it's all THEM. Just move on.
Try not to focus on finding someone as much as you should try to focus on doing things you enjoy and love and will make you happy even if you never do meet a woman. Think of meeting a woman and getting married as an added bonus to your paycheck. You were happy with your current paycheck because you worked hard and you enjoy your job/life, but then you get an added bonus/marriage. If you try to make something such as love the focal point of your existence you will never be happy until you find it and it will depress/ruin/bitter you.
I second this. I didn't know it the first few times it happened to me from online dating, but people flake because they don't know how to say "no" right away. Just realize that they are not worth it, it was nothing YOU did, it's all THEM. Just move on.
Try not to focus on finding someone as much as you should try to focus on doing things you enjoy and love and will make you happy even if you never do meet a woman. Think of meeting a woman and getting married as an added bonus to your paycheck. You were happy with your current paycheck because you worked hard and you enjoy your job/life, but then you get an added bonus/marriage. If you try to make something such as love the focal point of your existence you will never be happy until you find it and it will depress/ruin/bitter you.
Even though I know it's one of the signs of the apocalypse, I AGREE with you.
No, its about giving tough love which is something i believe in.
I have to agree with this.
I've read through the entire thread, and honestly the OP comes across as awkward - strictly through his writing. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just my opinion.
I also have some experience to share, hopefully it may give the OP a different perspective. This past January I was entering my last semester in college (I'm 22), and I was dating a girl. Well eventually things didn't work out between us and she quickly had a full-fledged boyfriend, who she eventually became engaged to a few months later.
2 years before that I was dating a different girl, and about 2 weeks after we stopped she also had a boyfriend.
What I think the OP needs to realize is that a lot of women (that I know at least) have SEVERAL men pursuing them, and they really do have their pick of the litter. If things don't work out with one man, she can easily choose somebody else (that she may or may not have also been dating at the same time). Some women may enjoy the idea of having many suitors waiting for their chance. And these "flaky" girls could possibly be building their "queue".
I would suggest doing the same thing. Increase the number of women you're in contact with. Give yourself options, and don't be so "available". You're clearly chasing them, make them chase you.
As you have mentioned several times that "saving yourself" for marriage is important to you, it would make sense for you to try to connect with girls that share those same values. I'd start volunteering at a soup kitchen and join the youth group at whatever church you belong to.
As several other posters mentioned, most college aged kids (of both genders) are out exploring their sexuality and enjoying no-strings-attached sex.
Being true to yourself is important. But its also important to realize that your values are not necessarily shared by those you encounter day to day in your classes or by the girls you are asking out.
And, as with most of the other posters, I would stop texting and start phoning when asking a girl out. If she doesn't answer or doesn't return your call...that's your answer.
But the thing is, I'm not about getting the quick sex. I haven't even had sex and I'm 25. I'm not worried about that. I plan to wait until I'm married. I go for love first.
I agree with Joliefille above!
I know you probably think you are noble and respecting yourself and woman by being slow on your approach. As you can tell from the responses here this is not viewed as typical and most woman are not going to respect you because of this behavior. At best they are going to view this behavior as cute and novel but awkward. At worst they will think it is just strange.
You sound like a religious person so I would say some form of religious dating group may suite you better than out in the regular world.
Being true to yourself is important. But its also important to realize that your values are not necessarily shared by those you encounter day to day in your classes or by the girls you are asking out.
This is so true, and I almost posted it myself.
When I was in high school a friend of mine had spent some time at a catholic high school, then she transferred back to our public school. Her family was very religious and her nickname was "virgin mary" - which she also joked about. Anyway, she had a boyfriend for more than a year, who I was also good friends with, and she eventually broke up with him. After she cut things off with him, she told me how much he had talked about marriage, and how that ended up being the straw that broke the camels back. Keep in mind she had many of the same values as him, and even SHE was turned off by the prospect of marriage and falling in love right away.
So hopefully this goes to show that your ideal relationship (at such a relatively young age) could very possibly be shared by a very small amount of women. Maybe they can sense your motives ahead of time.
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