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I'm proud of you that you spoke up instead of being spinless like a lot of men are.
That said, she's probably just a tease and wouldn't actually cheat with the guy.
If she takes you for granted and thinks you're a chump like that then this should teach her not to do that. If she puts up too much of a fight or keeps this behavior up, then just let her go because you think too differently.
Is is ok to have friends of the opposite sex? Yes.
Was your reaction immature and unhealthy? Yes.
It's all about how you handle your feelings when something happens that you are uncomfortable. Saying something like "That made me uncomfortable when I heard you speaking like that to a male that I don't know." is a much healthier approach than the passive agressive style you explained.
Feelings are going to come up in a relationship, it's how you handle them that will determine if your relationshiop is the "real thing" or not.
Women who play for attention (she was flirting with the guy, plain and simple) are just not that hot into you. It is what it is. I've seen women when they hone in to a guy they don't want to lose. they tighten their game up like an impact gun, you could cut diamonds with the tight line they walk on once they got a dude they don't want to lose. Talking in mild sexual overtones with another guy reeks of "im keeping my options open". that's cool, just recognize what bird you have in the hand, so it doesn't surprise you when this behavior escalates.
Men and women can't be friends when there is sexual attraction. I have female friends, who I do not find sexually appealing. And EVEN IN THOSE INSTANCES I find it inappropriate to interject sexual overtones when I am aware they are trying to relate romantically with a man. The only times when it's been appropriate to discuss their sexual behavior was when they were finished with that relationship. During the relationship it was understood i wasn't going to be hearing her dissertation on taking it from behind or oral sex, there are simply boundaries. It is simply offensive and degrading to the sense of trust they need to build with the person they're trying to relate to romantically. I wouldn't want to be a party at their wedding, comparing notes with the lucky groom about how I twisted his little bride to be into a sexual pretzel six years ago. Gimme a break. To paraphrase "Forgetting Sarah Marshall": 'F00ck, this isn't Europe, you can't be so casual about this chit'.
Now, you want to talk about swinging, polyamory or non-monogamous open relationships then I'm all ears, and would be glad to discuss and play with that stuff all day. But it strikes me that these scenarios very much fall under the premise of an understanding of monogamy. If you want exclusivity, that's the price you gotta pay. Yep that's right, no footsie talking with some dude about your **** being slightly uneven. Pay to play folks, pay to play. You wanna be open-ended and free? Include the opportunity cost of watching or hearing your man get sexually aroused and teased by another woman, otherwise get out of THAT kitchen, 'cause you're gonna get burned (emotionally miffed).
Red flags should be going off right now in your attitude indicator OP. You dang skippy it's about control. This ain't Parcheesi, there are consequences to picking wrong in life. Real consequences. If somebody can't hold the course, you just bought yourself a sinking ship. That's 'don't pass go don't collect 200' territory mother--ers.
Don't let the 'female hypocrisy' apologists on this thread dismiss your instincts, like the previous poster mentioned. They are there for a reason. You don't have to accept emotional infidelity as a cost of doing business. Demand what you want in a relationship and compensate them with your reciprocity. Anything outside of that you're buying sinking ship. Good luck to you.
Is is ok to have friends of the opposite sex? Yes.
Was your reaction immature and unhealthy? Yes.
It's all about how you handle your feelings when something happens that you are uncomfortable. Saying something like "That made me uncomfortable when I heard you speaking like that to a male that I don't know." is a much healthier approach than the passive agressive style you explained.
Feelings are going to come up in a relationship, it's how you handle them that will determine if your relationshiop is the "real thing" or not.
You're speaking about tangents here..
"Honey, I was really uncomfortable the way you were laying in our bed spread open while he was thrusting inside you..." If you can't see the slippery slope of not reacting sternly to sexual overtones then I got nothing for ya. The emphasis of tone OVER content is something that is done to appease the offender. It doesn't address the problem at all.
This wasn't a temporary lapse in judgement, this was a conscious choice to engage in what that woman felt was appropriate exchange with another male. Red flag. It's all about disclosure folks. Everything is about control. Control of our finances, control of our physical choices. Behavior of 3rd parties is hard to control, which is why society invented contracts. Legal contracts, verbal contracts, emotional contracts. They are as fictitious as peter pan, but they are in place for that very reason. For disclosure and control. Op shouldn't accept the double standard of one-way enforceable emotional contracts under the emasculating antic of "liiike...you're pá-ranoid. yaa.."
I'm in a relationship, I'm committed to that person. I have my share of lady friends, but I'm also not going to have a conversation about their privates. It's disrespectful to them, and it's disrespectful to the person I'm dating.
The parts in blue above are what you tell yourself about yourself. The parts in red make the parts in blue into lies.
Yes. Yes, you are.
Your sister is right. You *do* lack confidence, and you're acting jealous about the conversation your girlfriend had with the other guy. Your putting your foot down *is* trying to control her; you're demanding that she censor herself so that you feel OK, so that you don't have to think about another guy knowing that she has one breast larger than the other. But now he knows. And you can't unring that bell. (Side note: lots of women have one breast that's slightly larger than the other. It's not exactly a secret.)
First, when she asked you if you were mad, you lied and said no. You knew you were mad. A confident man would have admitted that he was mad when she asked.
Second, you don't have the right to tell her what conversations she can have, or with whom. Nor are you in a position to monitor the conversations she has. It's curious that you refer to the part of you that applauded her for having the conversation as "sick".
Right now, your best move is to start getting really honest with yourself about why you were bothered by her conversation, and what you think laying down some law is really meant to achieve here. One or two more of these tantrums of yours, and she'll be gone, if she has any self-respect. Is that what you want? It's up to you.
Well, gee, I see no reason to participate in this thread because you said everything so perfectly.
Sorry but I think that is trashy and infantile to have convos like that. To act dramatic about saying it would show insecurity or immaturity. But to just say you are not cool with it is just stating your personal values. Maybe someday you will find a gal with equal values and some self respect. I wouldn't take the word as gospel from people here who do the same thing if not more extreme.
If the situation was reversed, I'm sure the GF wouldn't be cool with it.
I am very sure of that as well.
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