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No one likes to be grilled about their personal history on a first date. Sure you can do that but it's likely you won't hear back from them again. You're a guy trying to get to know a girl better, not a moral police condemning someone else's behavior.
What's wrong with 7 boyfriends in 8 years? That's about one a year, hardly anything scandalous.
I had an argument with a buddy's wife the other day, as she's always trying to convince me not to quit dating and still make an effort (I've since given up on the effort part, I don't mind dating a girl that approaches me or shows strong interest, but I also know that isn't likely to ever happen).
I told her one thing I would be wanting to know very early, probably even first date, is that 1. has she ever cheated and 2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years.
I think your buddy's wife is definitely WRONG! You should probably quit dating for a while until you get over your ex....
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
If she cheated and lies about it, it's easier to dismiss her later on if I found out she lied. I won't be able to go on with our relationship knowing she betrayed my trust and lied to me, indisputable evidence and instant drop. Won't even need to think about it.
As for lying about how many relationships. You could be right, ..That's her choice and she has every right to jump from guy to guy but I have right to ask and try and find out and put the pieces together myself. Then I'll determine if I think she's lying or not.
I think you're projecting all sorts of rage onto a hypothetical woman you haven't even met yet.
My ex did admit to cheating on her ex. But she "justified it" by saying that it made her realize her current bf wasn't the right one. I made a massive mistake by overlooking it and giving her the benefit of the doubt. I thought I was special to her. I was a fool to think I'm any different.
Seven boyfriends in eight years is a lot if they were all really great guys that treated her well and SHE was the one that walked away. Sorry, maybe it's me, but it should scream that she can't appreciate a good man, why would she appreciate me?
she's probably had more d than that if you factor in one night lays.
don't get too emotional about it, learn ways to spot a $1u t. A date is an interview to see if she's worthy of your time.
when your dealing with any women you should never give them the benefit of doubt. A chick like the one you had mentioned is really only good for a quick romp.
My ex did admit to cheating on her ex. But she "justified it" by saying that it made her realize her current bf wasn't the right one. I made a massive mistake by overlooking it and giving her the benefit of the doubt. I thought I was special to her. I was a fool to think I'm any different.
Seven boyfriends in eight years is a lot if they were all really great guys that treated her well and SHE was the one that walked away. Sorry, maybe it's me, but it should scream that she can't appreciate a good man, why would she appreciate me?
What makes you think they were all great guys? Even if they were, that alone doesn't account for compatibility. If she was the one to break it off with them, maybe you can give her credit for recognizing that a relationship has run it's course and knowing when to let go.
Instead of sticking your nose where it clearly doesnt belong so early in a relationship, why dont you spend the time being the best boyfriend you can. Therfore she wont have any reason to stray.
Instead of sticking your nose where it clearly doesnt belong so early in a relationship, why dont you spend the time being the best boyfriend you can. Therfore she wont have any reason to stray.
It's always easier to blame others. I've been there and don't want to go back.
I had an argument with a buddy's wife the other day, as she's always trying to convince me not to quit dating and still make an effort (I've since given up on the effort part, I don't mind dating a girl that approaches me or shows strong interest, but I also know that isn't likely to ever happen).
I told her one thing I would be wanting to know very early, probably even first date, is that 1. has she ever cheated and 2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years.
I would ask these questions on a first date if were to go on one (which I won't), but she says that it's not fair and none of my business at that point.
I say it is, because if I had known my last GF had cheated on her ex that she had just broke up with at the time, and that she had 7 different boyfriends in the last 8 years then red flags would've been flying everywhere and I could've taken a more cautious approach to our relationship and protected myself more, as opposed to just jumping in headfirst and falling head over heels for this girl right off the bat.
Is it wrong wanting to know that info early on? I mean, I know it's personal, but it's important to me, and if I asked a girl on date one and she wouldn't answer, then I'd probably go on with the rest of the date and show her kindness, respect, and a good time, but then never call her again.
Fallacy #1: A woman who has cheated will likely not tell you she's cheated.
Fallacy #2: Define relationship. Then she'll say to herself, "What's with the inquisition?", excuse herself to go to the Ladies room and never return.
Yeah, I sympathize. I know you had your heart stomped flat. But that doesn't give you the right to view every single woman out there as a potential cheater. I mean, if you were robbed by someone of a different ethnicity as you, does that mean everyone like him is also a potential robber?
Nope. The better thing to do is develop better antennae and TAKE YOUR TIME. Over time, truth will be revealed to you in ways large and small. If, that is, you are astute enough.
Agreed. You're on a first date, not a job interview. A first date is a chance to have fun and see if you're compatible. Most people don't want that kind of pressure on them when they first go out.
People also mature over time. I wouldn't hold it over a girl's head if she's 26 and cheated when she was 18. The past doesn't worry me unless it affects my girlfriend and I right now.
I had an argument with a buddy's wife the other day, as she's always trying to convince me not to quit dating and still make an effort (I've since given up on the effort part, I don't mind dating a girl that approaches me or shows strong interest, but I also know that isn't likely to ever happen).
I told her one thing I would be wanting to know very early, probably even first date, is that 1. has she ever cheated and 2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years.
I would ask these questions on a first date if were to go on one (which I won't), but she says that it's not fair and none of my business at that point.
I say it is, because if I had known my last GF had cheated on her ex that she had just broke up with at the time, and that she had 7 different boyfriends in the last 8 years then red flags would've been flying everywhere and I could've taken a more cautious approach to our relationship and protected myself more, as opposed to just jumping in headfirst and falling head over heels for this girl right off the bat.
Is it wrong wanting to know that info early on? I mean, I know it's personal, but it's important to me, and if I asked a girl on date one and she wouldn't answer, then I'd probably go on with the rest of the date and show her kindness, respect, and a good time, but then never call her again.
The why your last relationship ended and how many serious relationships you've had are common first date questions. What's the problem here?
The why your last relationship ended and how many serious relationships you've had are common first date questions. What's the problem here?
Really? I've never been asked that on a first date. I'd be curious to find out how many people have asked these questions or been asked on a first date.
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