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You sounds pretty jaded by your experience. But what is with throwing around the "70% filed by women" comment in most of your threads? How many times do you have to be told that the person who files for divorce isn't necessarily the one who wanted it in the first place? My ex-husband cheated, left and wouldn't do a thing about getting a divorce, so the burden, financially and otherwise, to proceed with the divorce was on me.
Sounds like the same experience a close friend of mine went through.
She got married. After a month of them trying to become pregnant, she was with child. He decided that he really didn't want to be with her and moved about 1000 miles away to live with a "female friend" (whom he is now engaged to and has a kid with). The burden of everything was just dumped on her... so she was the one who had to file for divorce. She was the one who had her heart torn to shreds at a crucial moment.
You keep throwing around these numbers. Where do they come from? How many people are actually getting $500K settlements? Nasty, contentious people will have nasty, contentious divorces. Most people just want get out of a bad situation with as little fuss and as much fairness as possible.
Let me guess, Huck. Your ex-wife filed for divorce back in the day, and you "didn't see it coming" (meaning you weren't paying attention.) The economy's different, the job market is different, and divorce is different than it was 30 years ago.
drat u r right. i didnt see it coming. i thought a lil humor might help, but it didnt work. how bout a little juggling distraction instead?
I don't care what a person is going through, that gives them no right to take their bad days/rough times out on you like you had something to do with it.
Really? Wow, in my 29 years of marriage I always thought that one of my jobs as a husband was to let my wife vent about things that are bothering her, even if I have to take the brunt for a while. You have to have the ability to be empathetic with others to truly have a good marriage.
Do I always want to hear her vent about her coworkers or boss? No, but that is her life. She is different than me and I accept that. I don't talk about my job ever but I have the ability to leave it behind, she doesn't. She needs to talk it out.
If I treated her like I didn't want to hear it? I'm sure she would have "attitude".
Really? Wow, in my 29 years of marriage I always thought that one of my jobs as a husband was to let my wife vent about things that are bothering her, even if I have to take the brunt for a while. You have to have the ability to be empathetic with others to truly have a good marriage.
Do I always want to hear her vent about her coworkers or boss? No, but that is her life. She is different than me and I accept that. I don't talk about my job ever but I have the ability to leave it behind, she doesn't. She needs to talk it out.
If I treated her like I didn't want to hear it? I'm sure she would have "attitude".
Kudos to you!
When my husband is going through "tech" at his job - he has to put in crazy hours. This turns him into a bit of a jerk! Sleep deprivation will do that to you! And guess what - I deal with it. And when I'm going through a tough time and I'm not so pleasant to be around - my husband deals with it, too. I think it's just a part of being there for each other.
I'm not disrespecting marriage at all. I'm simply saying there are things ONE should not tolerate in marriage. Attitude is one of them. I don't care what a person is going through, that gives them no right to take their bad days/rough times out on you like you had something to do with it. Just because you don't have the intellectual capability to comprehend my statement doesn't mean it doesn't make sense. If you overlook one negative trait, you'll let a lot slide. There are times one needs to put their man/woman in their place. That's the problem with relationships; people don't have the balls to check their spouse because they're scared of their reaction, or they may leave them. Well, if your mate wants to leave because you won't deal with their ongoing attitude, so-called "rough times", let them go. I see why many people don't want to get married, because you deal with a lot more in marriage than you do being single. Life is too short to deal with stress. If your partner has more bad than good, and you still want to marry them; that's on you. Just know that you lose all right to be frustrated at them because you made the conscious effort to marry them, knowing how they were.
intellectual capability....right. It takes maturity to understand what a marriage is. Some people lack it. If it were up to me, I would refuse to give people like you a marriage license. Stop making mockery of this important institution. Someone has a bad day and you divorce them...roflmao
intellectual capability....right. It takes maturity to understand what a marriage is. Some people lack it. If it were up to me, I would refuse to give people like you a marriage license. Stop making mockery of this important institution. Someone has a bad day and you divorce them...roflmao
If you want to let your spouse unload on you unfairly and you don't have the balls to put them in their place, that's on you. I'm not doing that. The difference between me and you is that I can't, don't and won't tolerate disrespect from someone (in my case, a woman I take on as my wife) that is supposed to love you. When you love someone, you DO NOT mistreat them even if you are going through tough times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Kudos to you!
When my husband is going through "tech" at his job - he has to put in crazy hours. This turns him into a bit of a jerk! Sleep deprivation will do that to you! And guess what - I deal with it. And when I'm going through a tough time and I'm not so pleasant to be around - my husband deals with it, too. I think it's just a part of being there for each other.
That's no excuse for being a jerk. You didn't have anything to do with him putting in long hours and the same applies to you. Taking your bad days out on your spouse says more about you than him/her. I've had rough days, but I don't take it out on my loved ones. I simply do a few drills on the punching bag and I'm fine. Most people don't have the maturity to deal with rough times without unfairly unloading on their spouse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PullMyFinger
Really? Wow, in my 29 years of marriage I always thought that one of my jobs as a husband was to let my wife vent about things that are bothering her, even if I have to take the brunt for a while. You have to have the ability to be empathetic with others to truly have a good marriage.
Do I always want to hear her vent about her coworkers or boss? No, but that is her life. She is different than me and I accept that. I don't talk about my job ever but I have the ability to leave it behind, she doesn't. She needs to talk it out.
If I treated her like I didn't want to hear it? I'm sure she would have "attitude".
Your wife should be able to express herself WITHOUT you having to bear the brunt of it. I just think it's craziness for a spouse to bear the brunt of one's bad days. I'm all for venting, but venting should NEVER cross the line into snapping on your spouse like they had something to do with you having a bad day. I have a big issue with that. 9 times out of 10, spouses don't apologize for taking their bad days out on each other.
If you want to let your spouse unload on you unfairly and you don't have the balls to put them in their place, that's on you. I'm not doing that. The difference between me and you is that I can't, don't and won't tolerate disrespect from someone (in my case, a woman I take on as my wife) that is supposed to love you. When you love someone, you DO NOT mistreat them even if you are going through tough times.
That's no excuse for being a jerk. You didn't have anything to do with him putting in long hours and the same applies to you. Taking your bad days out on your spouse says more about you than him/her. I've had rough days, but I don't take it out on my loved ones. I simply do a few drills on the punching bag and I'm fine. Most people don't have the maturity to deal with rough times without unfairly unloading on their spouse.
Your wife should be able to express herself WITHOUT you having to bear the brunt of it. I just think it's craziness for a spouse to bear the brunt of one's bad days. I'm all for venting, but venting should NEVER cross the line into snapping on your spouse like they had something to do with you having a bad day. I have a big issue with that. 9 times out of 10, spouses don't apologize for taking their bad days out on each other.
Either you and I have different definitions of "venting" and "being a jerk" or you and I have different definitions of marriage. My husband never beats me or screams at me for ruining his life - he gets snippy. He'll snap at me more than usual, he'll be more irritable, etc. This happens to most people when they are sleep deprived or really hungry. So I have to put up with it for a few weeks here and there - it's not a big deal. He has to put up with it from me sometimes, too. Nobody is perfectly happy all the time. And no marriage is perfectly happy all the time either - even the great ones.
I don't care what a person is going through, that gives them no right to take their bad days/rough times out on you like you had something to do with it.
You're right. And mature, caring, considerate individuals don't do that. If that is not who you are or who you picked to marry, that's your problem. Don't take it out on marriage.
I don't EVER take out a bad mood on my wife. That is my partner, my best friend, my better half...that is the person who has my back no matter what. Why would I EVER do anything but bend over backwards to treat her better than anyone else in the world?
The person you are supposed to be the most polite, the most patient, and the most considerate towards...that is your spouse. Once you forget that and start treating them worse than the stranger on the street (who I assume you at least treat with basic courtesy), then yeah...it's all downhill. That takes work. And patience.
My biggest disappointment when I grew up was realizing that most adults are just giant children. They are so fixated on instant gratification. They are greedy. They are lazy. They are self-absorbed. They are undisciplined. It shows up in the lack of financial control, the credit card problem, the mortgage 'meltdown,' etc. And it shows up in our dealings with other people, including marriage.
The problem isn't women's lib or needing two incomes to survive or any of that other b.s. Somewhere along the way, parents in this country set about raising the most stupid, self-absorbed bunch of jackholes ever to set foot on this planet and then we sit around wondering why everything (including marriage) is going to heck.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I don't care what a person is going through, that gives them no right to take their bad days/rough times out on you like you had something to do with it.
You're right. And mature, caring, considerate individuals don't do that. If that is not who you are or who you picked to marry, that's your problem. Don't take it out on marriage.
I don't EVER take out a bad mood on my wife. That is my partner, my best friend, my better half...that is the person who has my back no matter what. Why would I EVER do anything but bend over backwards to treat her better than anyone else in the world?
The person you are supposed to be the most polite, the most patient, and the most considerate towards...that is your spouse. Once you forget that and start treating them worse than the stranger on the street (who I assume you at least treat with basic courtesy), then yeah...it's all downhill. That takes work. And patience.
My biggest disappointment when I grew up was realizing that most adults are just giant children. They are so fixated on instant gratification. They are greedy. They are lazy. They are self-absorbed. They are undisciplined. It shows up in the lack of financial control, the credit card problem, the mortgage 'meltdown,' etc. And it shows up in our dealings with other people, including marriage.
The problem isn't women's lib or needing two incomes to survive or any of that other b.s. Somewhere along the way, parents in this country set about raising the most stupid, self-absorbed bunch of jackholes ever to set foot on this planet and then we sit around wondering why everything (including marriage) is going to heck.
Grow the eff up.
I'm with Stan and Northside on this. Taking your frustrations out on your spouse and thinking they should suck it up is horrid advice.
That is for sure^^^^ I lived with a man, married to him, briefly, who had major anger management problems...he was petulant, would not talk to me for days because I had "done" something, but would not tell me what...the whole thing was a disaster. I left, and filed for divorce on line...sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.
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I see why many people don't want to get married, because you deal with a lot more in marriage than you do being single. Life is too short to deal with stress. If your partner has more bad than good, and you still want to marry them; that's on you. Just know that you lose all right to be frustrated at them because you made the conscious effort to marry them, knowing how they were.
