Why is this board filled with so much stereotypical thinking? (man, young)
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These stereotypes are often formed from several sources...bitterness, jealousy, media (stupid movies), and believe it or not some element of truth. Problems surface when folks become fused to these stereotypes and refuse to learn, grow, and take risks.
I think it's true that once you hit 35 you end up looking at relationships in general a lot differently than before.
I don't approach relationships like I did a few years ago. Experience and maturity has taught me a lot. For instance:
1. Stop trying to change the person you're with or hoping they will become something they're not. Either you accept their flaws or you don't.
2. Decide what your dealbreakers are (and this should be the absolutes, no more than 3 things) and go from there. Decide what traits your mate has to have (again, short list) and go from there. You would be surprised how fast you realize certain superficial things don't matter when you're forced to make a short list.
3. Open and honest communication. So many people violate this rule it's not funny. There's a reason they say it's the key to a successful relationship.
4. Be willing to call each other out on each other's BS and accept the criticism. If I'm being a jerk I tell my BF to call me out on it and vice versa. Sometimes we don't realize when we take our work home with us or are not watching what we say.
5. Stop wasting more time than necessary with the wrong person. We've all done it. Stood in relationships longer than we should have. If things get unhealthy and you find yourself being more miserable than happy, then either it's a problem within yourself or it's a matter of the wrong person.
6. Stop sticking good people in the "friend zone" and then wondering where the good people are while you spend time chasing the bad people.
I won't go into more, but these are just a few things I wish I knew when I was younger among a lot of other things I learned. If people followed these rules, you'd see happier people.
Usually the bashers of both genders tend to be those that have A. just divorced B. Just broken up with SO C. those that can't find a date for whatever reasons.
I tend to throw them in the bitter column and let them vent, we all get over it soone or later.
Or they could care less about dying alone, a virgin/having kids, or finding a SO.
I notice many here treat those stereotypes as guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi
there are some unchangable rules, yeah. I enjoy watching the pathological contrarians beat their head against the wall in an effort to be different.
I think there's a huge misunderstanding here between describing the world as it is, and prescribing a rule as it should be.
Some who think of themselves as learned folks like to call it the is-ought distinction/fallacy, or description vs. prescription but day-to-day common sense shows the distinction quite well (still, some people don't seem to get it).
Note two different ideas, as terms are themselves used here. Generalizations (or stereotypes if you so choose to call them) describe the world, such as how people act. Guidelines/rules tell us how the world should be, such as how people should act.
Let's use a fictional example.
Let's say, imagine we found out: Women eat more apples than men.
Someone tells you. "Men don't eat apples much."
Describing: This is the way the world is, from all that we see around us (whether we saw this through experience, or know about it some other way, such as conducting a survey about apple consumption or talking with friends on their fruit-eating habits). It doesn't tell us how any of us should act or do or do otherwise or if it is good or bad or should change, just that it is so as in "I'm just tellin' ya what I see" with no judgement.
Prescribing: Men don't eat apples much? Okay, this is a rule/guideline/way to live by. I see that's how it should be. If you are a man and happen to be doing so at the moment, stop eating as many apples as your wife does! Put that fruit basket down now!
See the difference, a command to act versus a description?
Last edited by Stumbler.; 02-20-2012 at 05:08 PM..
Is this a reflection of how things really are? A generational thing?
Particularly that men are mainly attracted to looks, and women are demanding and want a tall, handsome man with money. It seems that many here see these as unchangeable rules. Also I notice quite a bit of male bashing recently...
There are a lot of bitter posts on here. Also, it's easier to just gender bash and ascribe certain characteristics to an entire gender than look more deeply at things.
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There are reasons things are called stereotypes.
