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You really just can't post anything without stereotyping all women, can you?
That her choice in clothing wasn't appropriate? Idk, but I do think that if what she was wearing bothered me in any way, I would mention it one way or another within the first 3 dates. I wouldn't just cower in fear of the chance that she'd freak out on me. I wouldn't let it become a relationship in which I still had to keep quiet or risk a break-up, but after we've both spent more time and effort on the relationship, probably developing an emotional attachment that would hinder objective reasoning about our compatibility.
That's if I was bothered by it.
The last thing I would do is assume that, because she's a woman, I can't talk to her about something without it causing WWIII.
This all boils down to you thinking that your opinion should matter to virtual stranger. But it doesn't. The vast majority of the women in this thread have informed you that at such an early stage in dating your opinion does not matter. Why is this so difficult to understand.
I think that what we (the women in this thread) are trying to illuminate for you is instead of imposing your opinion on someone that you barely know, why not simply look for someone who really is your type. Why is it so important to try to mold someone that you barely know into what YOU want?
You really just can't post anything without stereotyping all women, can you?
I shouldn't have to do this...
crit·i·cize (krt-sz) v. crit·i·cized, crit·i·ciz·ing, crit·i·ciz·es v.tr. 1. To find fault with: criticized the decision as unrealistic. See Usage Note at critique.
2. To judge themerits and faults of; analyze and evaluate.
Giving your preferences is not finding fault or judging the other person.
What am I stereotyping? What I've said about how a woman would generally react is based on myself and the many women who have voiced their opinions on these 17 pages. You're asking about a general situation, not a specific one, so generalizations are necessary in order to answer.
And you seem to have conveniently avoided the "analyze and evaluate" portion of the definition, but I said (multiple times) it doesn't matter what your intentions are. Most people are going to take the suggestion that they change their clothes as a criticism. Bully for you if you wouldn't, it's just too bad you're not a scantily clad woman on a first date.
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To you, or women like you. My hopes are that any man who finds himself dating a woman who struggles with major defensiveness or selective hearing will always know it before he bothers to try and discuss something with her. That's something we can all agree on, yes?
Uh, sure but I don't know what that has to do with this scenario. You don't have to be overly defensive to be offended when a first date tells you he doesn't like your clothes.
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Well, it's good you're verbalizing it. That's the great thing about people like me, you can talk in my direction and my head won't explode
That her choice in clothing wasn't appropriate? Idk, but I do think that if what she was wearing bothered me in any way, I would mention it one way or another within the first 3 dates. I wouldn't just cower in fear of the chance that she'd freak out on me. I wouldn't let it become a relationship in which I still had to keep quiet or risk a break-up, but after we've both spent more time and effort on the relationship, probably developing an emotional attachment that would hinder objective reasoning about our compatibility.
That's if I was bothered by it.
The last thing I would do is assume that, because she's a woman, I can't talk to her about something without it causing WWIII.
Ah, you assume that because we are telling you your commentary would be unappreciated, that means this hypothetical woman would flip out. Now who's stereotyping women?
She might freak out. She might carry on as if nothing happened and bury her upset or she might become icier towards her date. The specific manifestation of her reaction is harder to generalize.
This all boils down to you thinking that your opinion should matter to virtual stranger. But it doesn't.
It doesn't matter to YOU, calipoppy.
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Originally Posted by calipoppy
I think that what we (the women in this thread) are trying to illuminate for you is instead of imposing your opinion on someone that you barely know, why not simply look for someone who really is your type. Why is it so important to try to mold someone that you barely know into what YOU want?
First off, some women here have agreed with me, proof that you do not speak for them all. Second, the woman in the OP may still be the man in the OP's type, for the simple fact that a woman wearing short shorts one time does not necessarily imply she wears them frequently nor that she would object to not wearing them any longer. How do you know she doesn't just have one pair of short shorts and the rest of her clothing is more conservative dress? How do you know she didn't just put them on assuming that, because he's a guy, he'd want to see more leg?
No matter how you try and defend it, we all know what you do when you assume. That's bad enough, but you are actually insisting that I make these assumptions, even when both my life experiences and a handful of posts/votes on this thread suggest otherwise.
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Originally Posted by UnexpectedError
Ah, you assume that because we are telling you your commentary would be unappreciated, that means this hypothetical woman would flip out. Now who's stereotyping women?
Still you, by assuming the woman will mistake his words as criticism, just because she's a woman. At best, you can accuse me of over-exaggerating, or stereotyping those women who agree with you. The point remains: if you can't discuss something with a person, if you must assume that he is controlling even if he isn't, there's really no defense for that.
The point remains: if you can't discuss something with a person, if you must assume that he is controlling even if he isn't, there's really no defense for that.
Actually the point is that on a first date a discussion about one's date's mode of dress should not be up for debate in the first place.
A sure-fire way for me to lose interest in a guy is if he tells me that he wants me to change ANYTHING about myself, attire included.
Like I said before, it's understandable if he says, "We're going to such-and-such place next weekend, and a certain type of attire is required, so you'll need to wear such-and-such type of outfit". But NOT something like, "Now that we're dating...you're going to have to change the way you dress!"
You met me when I dressed a certain way, and you apparently didn't mind then...so why are you trying to change it now?
Actually the point is that on a first date a discussion about one's date's mode of dress should not be up for debate in the first place.
The guy's not putting it "up for debate", he's simply saying he's uncomfortable with it. And why isn't that okay, exactly, if not because the woman will assume he's trying to control her? Is there's some other reason a man can't express his feelings but a woman can (or a man can't express his feelings about this one specific thing), what is it?
At best, we can say it isn't wise to bring it up to a woman you can kinda figure "won't appreciate it" (just another way of saying she'll consider it rude even if it isn't). But then, to say it isn't wise just means she'll show you the door, something that , with that kind of woman, you might not be able to avoid anyway. So really, there's nothing to lose no matter how you dice it.
These are interesting replies, though. It was meant in part to be an opinion poll, and so it is. The majority of women would be offended by it. I expected that much. But their reasoning is just... interesting
What's next? I prefer blondes - have you ever thought about dying your hair? I prefer women who are taller - could you wear higher heels? I prefer women wear less makeup - maybe you could stop wearing makeup?
The guy's not putting it "up for debate", he's simply saying he's uncomfortable with it. And why isn't that okay, exactly, if not because the woman will assume he's trying to control her? Is there's some other reason a man can't express his feelings but a woman can (or a man can't express his feelings about this one specific thing), what is it?
At best, we can say it isn't wise to bring it up to a woman you can kinda figure "won't appreciate it" (just another way of saying she'll consider it rude even if it isn't). But then, to say it isn't wise just means she'll show you the door, something that (with that kind of woman) you might not be able to avoid anyway. So really, there's nothing to lose no matter how you dice it.
These are interesting replies, though. It was meant in part to be an opinion poll, and so it is. The majority of women would be offended by it. I expected that much. But their reasoning is just... interesting
What woman has said that she would tell her date that she doesn't like the way he dresses on a first date?
Still you, by assuming the woman will mistake his words as criticism, just because she's a woman. At best, you can accuse me of over-exaggerating, or stereotyping those women who agree with you. The point remains: if you can't discuss something with a person, if you must assume that he is controlling even if he isn't, there's really no defense for that.
I don't think it's controlling, exactly, just inappropriate. This isn't a discussion of your life goals after a few months of dating, this is a first date and these are the clothes she chose to wore. Though you may consider it a trivial subject that a woman should be able to alter to suit your whims without a bat of her eye, how a woman presents herself can be a pretty sensitive subject.
And I'd like to hear what sort of words a man might use to convey his discomfort with his dates dress. What are these magical words that us silly, irrational women can't seem to take the right way?
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It doesn't matter to YOU, calipoppy. 
