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1. 30-year-old male to date a 14-year-old female? The female is fully developed. They are waiting until marriage to have sex, which is 16 in her state.
2. 42-year-old male to be checking out (lustfully) a precocious 13-year-old girl with full knowledge of her age (e.g. a softball coach, teacher, etc.)?
3. A 47-year-old "cougar" to be dating a 19-year-old male?
What would your reactions to these things be?
No good except the last one. The cougar is ok if they wish. The others are sick perverts and should have some "jewelry" added to their attire.
I agree. Yet 100 or so years ago girls were married to much older men at the ages of 13,14. So what's changed? When did marrying/ dating a much younger girl becomes so taboo? I'm guessing that teenager girls of past were much more mature then girls are today.
People didn't live as long in times past. Having a lot of children was important and many children were lost due to illness and disease. Women died in childbirth.
1. 30-year-old male to date a 14-year-old female? The female is fully developed. They are waiting until marriage to have sex, which is 16 in her state.
2. 42-year-old male to be checking out (lustfully) a precocious 13-year-old girl with full knowledge of her age (e.g. a softball coach, teacher, etc.)?
These are sex questions, not relationship questions.
For what possible reason would an older man or woman check out, try to date, or become involved with someone so much younger? Intelligent conversation? Shared experiences? Mutually understood humor? Art and music appreciation? Mutual respect for each as an individual?
All of the things that make a real and lasting relationship?
Nope. It's about being able to control the opposite person in a sexual relationship. Pygmalion, Lolita, and Professor Higgins are fantasies, the realities are very different.
There are many more variables that go into our interpersonal and sexual tastes as humans, but this will be offered as a brief synopsis.
In the first scenario, this is still quite common among non-acculturated persons in this country; while it still may be offensive, if they wait until she is 'legal,' no laws are broken. And families are typically in agreement with these arrangements, so they often offer full support. There is an acknowledgement that she will be well taken care of by a man who has acquired a measure of financial and social status.
In the second scenario, it happens quietly in this country. Incredibly offensive, no one knows until actions by the perpetrator are taken. This is an entanglement of pedophiles and sick people. Additionally, children and teens are incredibly sexualized in this country by the media and fashion industry, though many think nothing of it.
In the third scenario, while there may be a similar age gap, these are two consenting adults who can do as they desire. Few men would turn this down and this apparently is seen as an appropriate relationship. Based on a brief search completed through Google, there was a reputed assignation of this type years ago between Tom Cruise and Cher.
Coming back to the OP's question: appropriate? No. Is it done? Absolutely. Do we have a say in it? It is about instruction and warning only in the second scenario. Within the first scenario, this is an accepted, even blessed act removed out of a cultural context, which many would say, if you want to do that, go back to your home country. In the third scenario, this is similarly poor judgment (imagine them only a few years earlier or if the gender was changed for those involved - older man on younger woman) but within our culture, this is minimized with the idea that it is two consenting adults. At a broader international level, again, save the second scenario, few would blink an eye.
Relative to history, the first scenario was common because the idea of misogyny was rampant in an agrarian society based on many hands making easy work and multiple deaths until maturity. At that time, women kept the house and were baby factories. There were few choices for ascendance unless you married the prince, so you did your womanly duty and bore children. This could have even been considered a pious choice. And yes, as stated, women frequently died in child birth. Finally, in a day and age when there wasn't good birth control, this was common. Even today, few men hold back from satisfying themselves, though it is mainly due to birth control that women currently can delay childbirth or parenthood.
My grandfather married his maid (1st wife and child died) and had my father when he was 72. His new wife was much younger and they had 3 kids together. He died in 1918 and probably would have been eligible to vote for Lincoln in the 2nd election. I can somehow understand that scenario but thinking about your post regarding older men/younger women, makes me feel like I just licked a dog's tongue.
1. 30-year-old male to date a 14-year-old female? The female is fully developed. They are waiting until marriage to have sex, which is 16 in her state.
2. 42-year-old male to be checking out (lustfully) a precocious 13-year-old girl with full knowledge of her age (e.g. a softball coach, teacher, etc.)?
3. A 47-year-old "cougar" to be dating a 19-year-old male?
What would your reactions to these things be?
I don't believe any of your examples, or any example of an adult dating a teenager as appropriate. The question is not the gap in their ages, but the maturity of the younger member person, regardless of the gender.
Arguably, the 19-year-old male is an adult, but I would still think the relationship would be rooted is some pathos.
A mature adult that is well balance in their social, psychological, and physical aspects of life would not have any interest -- other than possibly parental, in an immature person. I cannot imagine any situation where any of these examples would not be exploitative on the part of the older adult, regardless of their gender.
The past is the past. What our cavemen and cavewomen ancestors did is not pertinent to today, just like 150 years ago you could own slaves, you could have sex with children, older men would marry younger after their first wife died in childbirth or disease. In many parts of society, women were powerless.
And no to number 3 also, it's always wrong for the old to prey upon the very young and use money and power and sex to seduce them.
1. 30-year-old male to date a 14-year-old female? The female is fully developed. They are waiting until marriage to have sex, which is 16 in her state.
2. 42-year-old male to be checking out (lustfully) a precocious 13-year-old girl with full knowledge of her age (e.g. a softball coach, teacher, etc.)?
3. A 47-year-old "cougar" to be dating a 19-year-old male?
What would your reactions to these things be?
They all have, "issues"
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I'm guessing that teenager girls of past were much more mature then girls are today.
