Just found out my husband watches porn pretty much everyday (wives, how to)
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I do think you are uncovering a problem he has. If he has to watch it all the time, and watch it to warm up, I would say he is beyond just a casual desire to watch it and has some kind of issue where he is addicted to it or something. Especially since he has a low sex drive with you in the bedroom.
I suspect this will be a very difficult issue for both of you. Try not making a confrontation out of it with him, since that won't help anything. That said, you should try not to enable it, and also try to be encouraging to him to talk to a doctor about the issue. Low drive for real sex, and addiction to porn is not healthy.
He said he's never had a high sex drive like some guys. He doesn't want to have sex too often, but he's afraid he can't do a good job and therefore can't impress me.
I'm trying to rationalize everything before I jump on conclusions. But the issue could be viewed in two different ways:
1) my point of view: he has low sex drive in the bedroom, and he says he doesn't want to have sex too often with me. But then there he is, spending every bit of moment alone watching porn. I can easily conclude that he's addicted to porn and he's just not interested in having sex with me.
2) his point of view: he has low testosterone level and very inconsistent in the bedroom. In order to please me and make himself feel like a man, he won't have sex with me unless he's confident that he'll do a good job. In order to meet my needs, he needs to build up his testosterone --and he chooses to watch porn as an inexpensive method.
I have told him I wanted us to go to counseling. He just won't go: either he has too much pride; or he seriously thinks just because he watches porn all the time, it's not an issue; or he actually knows he is in fact addicted and is afraid I'll file a divorce when the truth is discovered.
Reason why I don't want this to fail? I felt I've made decisions out of anger many times before, and I left many good relationships because I always thought there would be a better man out there for me. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes...
But I won't stay with him if he is addicted to porn. That would make my marriage a big joke.
Best post ever. Maybe he will get turned on by this.
Why should this young woman have to watch porn to pleasure herself just because her husband has an issue with it?? Why should she feed into his addiction? Not a good post at all. They are newlyweds and should be all over each other without the porn as a "booster shot". Counseling first as a couple then if he insists on continuing with the porn bye bye!!
Why should this young woman have to watch porn to pleasure herself just because her husband has an issue with it?? Why should she feed into his addiction? Not a good post at all. They are newlyweds and should be all over each other without the porn as a "booster shot". Counseling first as a couple then if he insists on continuing with the porn bye bye!!
The point is, she should be in control of her own sexuality. If he sees that she can just as easily avoid contact with him and get her pleasure someplace else, maybe he will realize he should be putting more of an effort in. I'm a women who watches porn on a regular basis, it teaches me what I like and where and how I want it. My experience level leaves little room for error on the males part as I am able to direct them successfully, which would help her sex life tremendously considering she admits he has performance anxiety.
2) his point of view: he has low testosterone level and very inconsistent in the bedroom. In order to please me and make himself feel like a man, he won't have sex with me unless he's confident that he'll do a good job. In order to meet my needs, he needs to build up his testosterone --and he chooses to watch porn as an inexpensive method.
I have told him I wanted us to go to counseling. He just won't go: either he has too much pride; or he seriously thinks just because he watches porn all the time, it's not an issue; or he actually knows he is in fact addicted and is afraid I'll file a divorce when the truth is discovered.
Reason why I don't want this to fail? I felt I've made decisions out of anger many times before, and I left many good relationships because I always thought there would be a better man out there for me. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes...
But I won't stay with him if he is addicted to porn. That would make my marriage a big joke.
First... 2. Above is a load of crock. Watching porn might get him horny but has nothing to do with his testosterone levels. He might want to be tested and there are creams for that issue. His issue is mental, maybe a lack of confidence but more so he just really enjoys porn.
Second... have you tried watching together then seducing him and practicing a few of the things you see ?
Third... If the doctor checks his level and all is OK and watching together does not work.... you better get some help fast as a couple. If he won't go you should go so you'll understand the true issues and possible ways to deal with them.
Don't just speculate or rely on strangers on this forum. You and or your husband needs help even if it's just learning to communicate properly. You need to understand if he has a true "addiction".
I have been staying home packing stuff for the past week since I will be relocated to another state next month. My husband has just started his own business, so he works from at home all the time.
I accidentally used his computer and clicked on the browsing history today. To my surprise (I always thought my husband watched porn ONCE IN A WHILE when I WAS NOT AROUND), my husband got on porn websites every chance he got. From Monday to today, both of us had been home all the time, and the only time he was left alone was when I spent an hour and half at the gym everyday. Well, he fully utilized my gym time to watch porn obviously.
I'm feeling really hurt by his actions. When I tried to sit down and talk about it with him, he said he "thinks" he has always had some chemical imbalance and that he has to watch porn to help his testosterone. According to him, in order for him to function in the bedroom, he has to watch porn to build it up --it's something he's always been doing even before we met each other. He said he very rarely finishes by watching porn -it's just some tool he uses to make him perform better sexually.
We've always had fights about sex - I need sex at least every other day, whereas he always says he can't do it often and the most he can do is probably three times a week. I felt I've given up my sexual preference/needs to be with him because I loved who he is, not how much sex we could have. But now, I'm just discovering maybe he does need sex every day, he just doesn't want to do it with me everyday.
He said he's completely happy with the way I look and the way I act in the bedroom, but he did tell me that he thinks my breasts are too small and some augmentation will be needed. I know I have small breast but I didn't know it was such a big deal. Now I'm feeling very insecure because I just feel like my husband isn't as attracted to me as I thought due to the size of my breasts. I'm working full time to pay our bills because my husband's new business is not generating any revenue. How could I change my breasts size when I can't afford it? I feel like to tell me that my breasts are too small-- knowing there's nothing we can do about--is basically the same as I tell my husband that all my ex boyfriends had a bigger penis and I wish his were as big.
We just got married couple of months ago. If I feel this unattractive already, I don't know what's going to happen later on...
Should I be concerned about him watching porn? Is it weird that now, all of a sudden, I'm feeling very insecure about the size of my breasts?
And the problem is? Yes men watch porn, that's why it's a muti billion dollar industry.
I'd be less worried about the porn and more concerned about the fact that he freely criticizes your body while freeloading off you financially and offering you nothing in the bedroom.
I'm not a porn crusader...most people have at least some curiosity about it, although in my experience, women are far less likely to find it more interesting than the real deal, while this seems to be a significant problem with some men. Women are more likely to be like, "Okay, yeah, this was briefly interesting...now I'm bored, moving on...". I know I was. Porn isn't evil, but some guys build up this expectation that real sex needs to be like the porn experience, all about their needs and their needs alone, and become disinterested in their role in the other person's experience. These guys have a problem. This alone is bad enough...add on tossing it on you and telling you "a breast augmentation will be required," all the while expecting you to bankroll him? Loser. If that weren't already obvious enough, the whole, "Honey, I can't get a job outside the home, because I need to be home all day to diddle myself...FOR LEGITIMATE MEDICAL REASONS," ought to have confirmed it, really.
He said he's never had a high sex drive like some guys. He doesn't want to have sex too often, but he's afraid he can't do a good job and therefore can't impress me.
I'm trying to rationalize everything before I jump on conclusions. But the issue could be viewed in two different ways:
1) my point of view: he has low sex drive in the bedroom, and he says he doesn't want to have sex too often with me. But then there he is, spending every bit of moment alone watching porn. I can easily conclude that he's addicted to porn and he's just not interested in having sex with me.
2) his point of view: he has low testosterone level and very inconsistent in the bedroom. In order to please me and make himself feel like a man, he won't have sex with me unless he's confident that he'll do a good job. In order to meet my needs, he needs to build up his testosterone --and he chooses to watch porn as an inexpensive method.
I have told him I wanted us to go to counseling. He just won't go: either he has too much pride; or he seriously thinks just because he watches porn all the time, it's not an issue; or he actually knows he is in fact addicted and is afraid I'll file a divorce when the truth is discovered.
Reason why I don't want this to fail? I felt I've made decisions out of anger many times before, and I left many good relationships because I always thought there would be a better man out there for me. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes...
But I won't stay with him if he is addicted to porn. That would make my marriage a big joke.
Maybe he has never had a high sex drive for real life interaction. Thats just not all that normal.
If he has low testosterone, thats a medical issue. Addiction to porn is related, but also a psychological issue.
Either way, nothing is going to imrpove for him unless he is open and willing to get help, and seek it.
Your husband is more satisfied with porn than with a real woman -- any woman. Don't take it personally. No woman can measure up to that, not even porn stars, I imagine.
What to do? Do you really think there's anything you can do? It's up to him and he's probably addicted to it.
I'd say keep packing your bags and find a good attorney. All the therapy in the world won't solve HIS problem till he's good and ready. Ask yourself is it worth losing your self esteem for the rest of your life. "Needing" bigger breasts is just an excuse he's making to distract you from the fact he has issues.
And the problem is? Yes men watch porn, that's why it's a muti billion dollar industry.
A lot of folks drink alcohol too... but those who do so to excess and the detriment of themselves and everyone else have a recognized and accepted problem.
Just because it is a huge industry doesn't mean that an individual who uses most of his free time to watch it, and that it is negatively impacting his normal sex life and marriage doesn't have a problem.
Worse, he is making "excuses" to justify it. He has a problem, and doesn't want to admit it.
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There are some sick puppies here...
