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I've never felt too much pressue to get married. Mrs. Chow and I have been together for a long time now. Both sets of our parents have mulitple failed marriages under their belts. They pretty much never try to "force" us to get married.
Mrs. Chow has told me since we first got together that she didn't have any interest in getting married. I said fine. She also didn't want children which was fine be me as well, as I couddn't seem to meet a woman back then that didn't have kids already.
Whatever works for each couple I believe........
Exactly. I'm happy for you two to have found what works for you
Anyone feeling "pressured" to get married is not even close to being ready to be married.
Pressure to get married? If you feel pressure to get married move to SoCal sometime. Almost no one here gets married, I swear, and the ones who do have the stigma of being the weird people who got married. I mean there are sixty year olds who have been divorced three times and fool around all the time who own yachts and have botoxed themselves to death, and are still having fun around here.
Marriage is for the Christians, the Jews, the Mormons and the Muslims. But even they wait around until they are closer to 30 before getting hitched.
I feel no pressure whatsoever around here to get hitched.
Around here men and women alike complain that no one wants to settle down and get married. Not even the sixty year olds who have never been married.
Pressure to get married? If you feel pressure to get married move to SoCal sometime. Almost no one here gets married, I swear, and the ones who do have the stigma of being the weird people who got married. I mean there are sixty year olds who have been divorced three times and fool around all the time who own yachts and have botoxed themselves to death, and are still having fun around here.
Yea, SoCal is a good place to avoid the pressure. NYC, Miami, and Vegas are good as well since no one seems to care what your martial status is in those cities.
Haha I have found the reason why there are so many unhappily married people. ALOT OF THEM NEVER WANTED TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I should be a marriage counselor. *sarcasm*
Anyway, this is why you see people marrying so young. For example, if you have been with someone since high school and you are now 25, people constantly question, "why haven't you gotten married? You two have been a couple for 7 years and you are not getting any younger." So now, at age 25, even though you are young, you feel pressure to marry because these are comments you hear all the time. Anybody who has been in a relationship for more than a year gets asked these questions, young or not. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, people criticize you for not marrying the person. You cant just be in a relationship with someone for 10 years and live with them and not marry. Society might not be able to stand you. The horror!
If you do not marry by 30, people view you as a loser. My 30th birthday is in a couple months. I have people constantly telling me I need to settle down, I am getting to old to be single, I need to have children, what's wrong with me, etc.
When you go out on dates, people think to themselves "if he is such a catch then why hasn't he gotten married by now?".
If you choose not to marry and your friends do, then you are in a bad situation. Once your friends marry, they will quit talking to you and they definitely wont have time to spend with you so then you end up lonely. After college age years, it is hard to make new friends because people do not open themselves up easily and the older you get the harder it is to find someone single who has time to put into a friendship.
Now, let's say if you are a woman who says she never wants to marry. That's ok for you to say that. People will assume it is because you have been hurt by a lot of men and you are no longer able to trust. Now, if a man says he does not wanna get married, he will be harshly critcized. People will assume he wants to be a womanizer his wholelife, he is immature, and afraid of commitment.
I find it comical that some people run aroud saying " marriage is not for everyone" but as soon as an individual states they do not want to marry, they won't let the person be. They have to try to convince the person that marriage is not as bad as they think.
Who are these married people chasing you around hassling you to get married? As a long-married person with kids, the only single people I know are divorced parents, and I'm certainly not going to initiate any conversation about the relative merits of marriage with them. They already know what it's all about.
As for your friends who have married dropping you off their social calendar, this is not the least bit unusual. Their priorities have changed. It's just the way life works.
Yea, SoCal is a good place to avoid the pressure. NYC, Miami, and Vegas are good as well since no one seems to care what your martial status is in those cities.
Ironically, Vegas is also the shotgun wedding capital of the world!
Yeah I do have to agree with some of what you posted
I used to try to convince myself that I didn't ever want to be married and just have a long term relationship, but in the end I do want to have a go at marriage. I do agree that people look at you sideways if you are not married within a certain time, have children when you are supposed to (at least in their mind), and choose to take a different path. Furthermore, some women define themselves by having a relationship. In my travels, I have met many women who like to throw around the argument "I have a man/husband" and yet that somehow makes the woman who doesn't have what you have less than
The only thing that throws me about people who put pressure on other individuals forget that some of the reason why they are married is because there were no other options. It was expected of young women back in the day (who didn't go off to higher learning or have careers) to be married with children. Times have changed and it is not uncommon for women and men to want to hold off and explore their options before running down the aisle (and possibly making a mistake)
In my travels to Europe and Asia, at least the judgment is more subtle if there is any at all. You say you're unmarried and/or you don't want children. They usually will say something along the lines of "That's fine". Americans will openly question why you don't or criticize your for not living the common cookie cutter lifestyle.
There are few, if any, benefits in getting married for men, especially financially. If I choose to not get married and someone questions me on it, I will assume that they have a poor understanding of finances....and will judge them harshly for that.
Captain Jack
and yet most men end up getting married. Read the peer reviewed psych studies, marriage is more beneficial for men than for women. I always laugh when I hear guys say it's not beneficial for men!!! Let's see how u feel about this in a few years.
Maybe if someone is a 25 year old female Mormon there is "pressure to marry." I sure don't see it anywhere else.
Quote:
If you have been with someone since high school and you are now 25, people constantly question, "why haven't you gotten married? You two have been a couple for 7 years and you are not getting any younger."
Why would this be an issue? I met my husband when we were both 16 and we wisely didn't get married till age 29. Sure, people asked about it, I just responded, "it's none of your business when or if we get married." They settled the matter. No one can feel pressure to get married if they don't care about what others say or think.
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