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Don't do this. Too many negatives. She is too old for you, and you will have emotional issues and lots of drama if it continues and when you try to break up. And you will break up. Sexual interest is usually only of a two year duration....when that's all there is. You already recognize many issues, it is your instincts, listen to them. Be the grown up...quit now. And, if you're having sex, you are in a relationship. Break it off clean, no sex.
It's more than sexual interest because we have a similar taste in art, music, philosophy/values, and leisure activities, just like friends or couples would have. We also practice our instruments together after work--musical instruments, usually.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope
She's got you picked out as their new daddy.
She said she understands that things could "go stale" and that I might want a "breeder" (younger girl) eventually. So we're more than just sex buddies--we're dating--but we do have a unique stipulation at play.
I already met her kids a few times when she had them at work. She has to juggle them around a lot so being around them isn't a sign that she wants me to be their dad; they already have a dad.
Yeah, there's a good chance it will end sourly, but after a whole year of ****ty dating experiences and depression, I don't think any single guy in my shoes would turn down a good looking woman that adores him so much, gives him homemade cookies and work, and sex afterwards (sometimes even on lunch break!).
I'm in my mid 20s and I've begun dating my coworker, a mid-40s mother of two. After we got to know one another she quickly took interest in me, Friend requesting me, getting my number, and texting somewhat frequently. Things starting turning romantic as we began hanging out outside of work. Before kissing her, I explained that I find our relationship unusual given the difference in age and place in life (her raising kids, my wanting kids someday). I told her that we can be together, unhinge our temptations, and enjoy one another, but that someday I'll probably want to go back to dating younger women for the prospect of having a family, and she understood. So we made out and ended up having sex that night. We're still seeing one another and even though she seems a little strange (she absolutely adores me, and she Friend requested my mom, whom she's never met--I wasn't too happy and told my mom it was accidental), we have good conversation, I enjoy her affection, and I make her happy.
Aside from her "grabbby", highly affectionate personality, I'm a little uneasy of how things will play out because:
1) Her son has ADHD and acts insane when I'm present. Both of her kids are so clingy to her and disruptive. I've been around them a little, but I much prefer to only spend time with her when we can be alone.
2) If things continue for several months, I'm not sure how I'd feel about having her meet my family. They'd be very confused as to why I'm with this older woman with kids, and Mom would probably be frustrated that I'm not with someone younger that could provide her with grandkids. I'd just rather avoid any of that.
3) I feel like someday I might end up breaking up with her because I'll want to date younger women again, like I told her. I don't know when or how this will play out, but I want to avoid hurting her as much as possible if/when this happens. I wanted her to realize that, although things may change down the road, we might as well just enjoy being with one another right now.
Am I being disrespectful to her with these mixed up feelings? She recognized that it is an unusual relationship and that someday I'll probably want a mate, so at least I clarified that.
Getting married and having kids in today's legal and financial climate is just a little bit smarter than inhaling a handful of anthrax spores. You are in an excellent position here and don't appreciate it.
Repeat after me - experienced, employed cougar good, inexperienced broke girl younger than you bad.
Oh, and, think for yourself, date who YOU want to date, not who Mom wants you to date, and, you do not "owe" your parents grandkids. Wipe that stupidity out of your young skull, right now.
It's more than sexual interest because we have a similar taste in art, music, philosophy/values, and leisure activities, just like friends or couples would have. We also practice our instruments together after work--musical instruments, usually.
She said she understands that things could "go stale" and that I might want a "breeder" (younger girl) eventually. So we're more than just sex buddies--we're dating--but we do have a unique stipulation at play.
I already met her kids a few times when she had them at work. She has to juggle them around a lot so being around them isn't a sign that she wants me to be their dad; they already have a dad.
Yeah, there's a good chance it will end sourly, but after a whole year of ****ty dating experiences and depression, I don't think any single guy in my shoes would turn down a good looking woman that adores him so much, gives him homemade cookies and work, and sex afterwards (sometimes even on lunch break!).
Ok so why are you posting for advice then, if there's no problem?
. I told her that we can be together, unhinge our temptations, and enjoy one another, but that someday I'll probably want to go back to dating younger women for the prospect of having a family, .... and that someday I'll probably want a mate.
I would repeat all of that to her at the next opportunity ---- just to make sure that you're both still on the same page.
If not she can stop wasting her time with you, and move on to a more compatible 20-something year old who isn't interested in kids.
Obsession, cougar on the prowl in a midlife crisis looking for a young man... It appears that you don't want an instant family and a FWB with her isn't going to work very long with her until it gets out of hand... [raising storm warning flag]
I would not spend any time with those kids as they don't need this...
And I would tell her that it is going (has gone) too far...
Obviously she really, really likes you. She probably is under the impression that despite what you say, you'll end up wanting to be with her and no one else in the future.
I give you points for honesty, although if a guy said to me "I'm just with you for now to pass the time, I fully intend to settle down with a different, younger woman in the future." There's no way I could keep on seeing him, for the sake of my pride if nothing else. This lady is in denial and thinks you will be hers...just be careful.
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