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Sister, you gotta find the strength to recognize you're married to a liar, a cheater & an all around pig.
I read through what happened- the night he was downstairs w/ the neighbor lady....he never answered the phone,yet you were pregnant at the time with twins!
You could have been having a medical emergency, yet he did not answer the phone
And he didn't even call you til the next day??
And for what reason??
He was obviously getting down & dirty with the neighbor lady.
wow thats so rite, he usually does play the victim.. everything is my fault. especially the vasectomy thing, it was my fault that he spoke to me like that because i asked him . omg really?
my parents dont agree with the way he talks to me and the way he is with me. for example, ill be telling him a story about my day and hes like to the point please. and im like im on the first entence, and hes like just get to the point. im liek omg 4get it.
then im like , wow i cant even talk to you,, hes like its your fault you need to get to the point. what the hell am i doing with him. im so embarrassed that i needed neutral opinions on all this when the answers are rite in front of me !!
but neutral opinions are good!! and i appreciate the time u all took outof your day to respond, so thank you every1
1. Jealousy and Possessiveness—Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
2. Control—He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
3. Superiority—He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.
4. Manipulates—Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.
5. Mood Swings—His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.
6. Actions don’t match words—He breaks promises, says he loves you, and then abuses you.
7. Punishes you—An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help—An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.
ure rite believe007, he didnt call me that whole nite until the nxt day. claims he was near the phone and the phone wasnt ringing and so he went to sleep early because he didnt hear from me. yeahrite. then while on the phone, he was yawning claiming to be soooo tired and im like well u slept all nite why would u be so tired? r u feelin alrite?
he was obviously up with that neighbor chik. then he has the nerve to call her a bag of bones? he said this about that older woman he was dating before he got me to be his girlfriend. if i remember correctly he said she was a skinny bag of bones with a turkey neck.
You are the first poster who has presented a problem, been back to clarify and adjust, taken advice and applied it...you really seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders. So you married a guy that is not the right guy for you and while you may love him, you realize it is not healthy.
The fact that you haven't argued once or been defensive about anyone's suggestions (not that I could tell anyway) tells me that you're going to be fine. You seem to have a good support system in your family. And while you say these things have been right in front of you, it's ok that it took you a while to focus in on the issues. We don't all learn our lessons with perfect timing and understanding, as they occur...oftentimes, it takes awhile to get it right and clear in our heads.
also during my very dangerous pregnancy with the twins, the dr advised me to get my tubes tied. i was worried about that considering some women have experienced uncomfortable side effects from getting tubes tied. so i asked him if he would get a vasectomy and he said "absolutely not!! what happens when im with someone else and she wants kids? im not going to deny her wish just because u need to get your tubes tied. it was your pregnancy, and it was YOU that had the problems with it, not me. so NO im not getting a vasectomy" his father had 1 and was telling him that it would be alot easier for my husband to get it than for me since there are zero side effects for the man but sometimes many for the woman. he still said no. he said hes a man and real men dont do that. real men need to be able to spread their seed. his reaction about the vasectomy thing was totally uncalled for. how hurtful.
My opinion is that it's irrelevant whether he cheated on you because the paragraph above reveals that he is a consummate jerk who not only does not give a crap about you and your well-being, but intends to have another life and another family with someone else at some point.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd wonder what kind of barbarian I'd married. I hope you have some "mad money" stashed away somewhere to pay a good lawyer, because I have a feeling you are going to need it.
omg nuala, u nailed it with your post about the 10signs. wow, he fits the description entirely except for the control thing.. he rather me to be self sufficent to do things on my own. as a matr of fact he leaves everything up to me. all car work and everything. i can probably take a car apart and put it back together!! the same for weapons!
. if theres a noise in the middle of the nite ill try to wake him up and he will say oh leave me alone im tired.usually my dogs would bark until he finally woke up but i learned how to use a gun, got my license for it and everything and so if i ever hear anything and my dogs are barking, i grab my gun and go check it out. hes like oh good u got it. what a man. usually, its just a racoon my dogs heard outside but still,, omg.
omg nuala, u nailed it with your post about the 10signs. wow, he fits the description entirely except for the control thing.. he rather me to be self sufficent to do things on my own. as a matr of fact he leaves everything up to me. all car work and everything. i can probably take a car apart and put it back together!! the same for weapons!
. if theres a noise in the middle of the nite ill try to wake him up and he will say oh leave me alone im tired.usually my dogs would bark until he finally woke up but i learned how to use a gun, got my license for it and everything and so if i ever hear anything and my dogs are barking, i grab my gun and go check it out. hes like oh good u got it. what a man. usually, its just a racoon my dogs heard outside but still,, omg.
Half of the ones that fail are caused by infidelity.
So, there's a good chance that us married folks will have to deal with infidelity at least once. It's not evil, but it ain't good either. And a real beotch to deal with.
If it's dragged on for 2 years, then the issue wasn't resolved.
Hubby should fess up.
It's critical for the healing process.
If this stuff isn't dragged out into the sunlight, then I'm afraid the marriage is in serious trouble.
Why? The Marines aren't there to make you a better person - it's a military organization and it needs soldiers. Much of what they teach is very valuable, but if you don't learn to use it in context, it's worthless when you're operating in the civilian world or personal relationships.
I probably misread your post. However, I believe that the Marines actually can have a very positive effect. And so can the rest of the military as well. I've known many kids that have gone in as troubled youth, and come out as strong men, emotionally as well as mentally. I stand behind the military. But I am not so naive as to believe that it doesn't spit out a few turds as well.
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