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You're over him, but yet created this thread. Echoing posts 16 & 17 your friend doesn't owe you squat, especially who she is trying to befriend.
I get the sense by your being upset of not being informed is more about your friend not getting your "permission."
I am over him, this is about out friendship and how I'm beginning to sense a silent competition.
I am over him, this is about out friendship and how I'm beginning to sense a silent competition.
Competition? You two broke up, he is not contractually obligated to you and neither is she. Now, if they were seeing each other while you two were dating you have a legitimate gripe. Methinks you were probably the dumper and relish the thought he might still have feelings for you. Naturally, that would change should your friend divert his attention.
Your "friend" doesn't owe you any explanations, nor does she have to report to you and tell you whenever she meets up with a guy - even if the guy in question is your EX.
If you're truly over him, then it shouldn't matter to you one iota if she meets up with him, kisses him or does a 69 with him. She didn't tell you about it because she KNEW you'd react this way. If you truly have a good friendship with this woman and it's important to you, then you'd just let this go and let her meet whomever she wants.
Once you BREAK UP with a guy and he becomes your EX, he is thrust back into the availability pool. You don't get to dictate who he meets up with. I also think, as one poster stated, that you're relishing the fact that he "may" still have "feelings" for you and if she becomes a regular part of his life, his attention will be diverted away from you.
Then instead of going to him 1st, I suggest you put your girl in check.
Honestly there's nothing for me to put in check, technically people are free to befriend who they want and she can easily make me seem petty or just deny everything. What I can control and change is my interaction with her, the dynamic of our friendship.
I do wonder if I should bring it up lightly, just to let her know that I'm aware.
Your "friend" doesn't owe you any explanations, nor does she have to report to you and tell you whenever she meets up with a guy - even if the guy in question is your EX.
If you're truly over him, then it shouldn't matter to you one iota if she meets up with him, kisses him or does a 69 with him. She didn't tell you about it because she KNEW you'd react this way. If you truly have a good friendship with this woman and it's important to you, then you'd just let this go and let her meet whomever she wants.
Once you BREAK UP with a guy and he becomes your EX, he is thrust back into the availability pool. You don't get to dictate who he meets up with. I also think, as one poster stated, that you're relishing the fact that he "may" still have "feelings" for you and if she becomes a regular part of his life, his attention will be diverted away from you.
I don't think you're really over your ex. Yet.
You're right, hence my last post.
However, I know that the dynamic of our friendship will change because that is what I CAN control. I am loyal to the end and would never do such a thing to my friends.
However, I know that the dynamic of our friendship will change because that is what I CAN control. I am loyal to the end and would never do such a thing to my friends.
Um, I don't understand. Why does the "dynamic" of your friendship with this woman have to change? Why do you need to "control" that aspect of this friendship? There's nothing wrong with you making her "aware" that you know she's interested in and seeing your ex. She was NOT disloyal to you by seeing your ex nor was she disloyal to you by not confiding in you about it!
So, are you saying that if your friend had an ex that she was absolutely over and was no longer interested in and you found out that you have things in common with this guy and found out he is interested in meeting up with you for dinner, conversation, sex or whatever - that you would deem him OFF LIMITS forever just because he was once an item with your friend who is NO LONGER INTERESTED IN HIM?? How would that be disloyal?
Um, I don't understand. Why does the "dynamic" of your friendship with this woman have to change? Why do you need to "control" that aspect of this friendship? There's nothing wrong with you making her "aware" that you know she's interested in and seeing your ex. She was NOT disloyal to you by seeing your ex nor was she disloyal to you by not confiding in you about it!
So, are you saying that if your friend had an ex that she was absolutely over and was no longer interested in and you found out that you have things in common with this guy and found out he is interested in meeting up with you for dinner, conversation, sex or whatever - that you would deem him OFF LIMITS forever just because he was once an item with your friend who is NO LONGER INTERESTED IN HIM?? How would that be disloyal?
Am I missing something here?
The dynamic of our friendship has to change because I don't get down like that, it's as simple as that. You tell me how the fluck is it ok for a close friend that you have cried to, that you gave details about the relationship to turn around and try to befriend said ex and not even have the courtesy to tell you. There's usually some underlying mess that goes on in most these scenarios and I choose not to partake in that.
And to answer your last question, he would be deemed off limits.
Can you really blame your friend though KMG? I would suspect that while you were with your ex you probably spoke highly of him and told friends what a great catch he was, they probably saw it too and once he became available had to see for themselves.
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Why do you need to "control" that aspect of this friendship? There's nothing wrong with you making her "aware" that you know she's interested in and seeing your ex. She was NOT disloyal to you by seeing your ex nor was she disloyal to you by not confiding in you about it! 
