How can I handle this weird guy? (advice, attraction, interested)
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Nothing he did is as creepy as some posters are claiming. He got them gifts, so what? That's a nice gesture anywhere. He texted ten times after she quit responding, so? That was a one-time thing when she rudely ignored him after they had already been texting back and forth and I'm sure the number is exaggerated. Not everyone is a stalker, people. He deserves better imo.
I'm the bad person here?
-He became too attached too quickly.
-He put me on a pedestal that I did not ask for.
-Calling me repeatedly while he knew I was at class and work, often with nothing to say and just to see "how I was doing" is unacceptable.
-Just because he has strong feelings for me doesnt mean I'm obligated to reciprocate those feelings.
-I have zero attraction to someone that is emotionally needy, needs validation for everything and from what I can tell probably has severe anxiety issues. I like guys that are more sure of themselves.
Receiving expensive gifts puts me in a weird position, especially since I did not want/ask for them from him. If a guy you know spends his money on a brand new game, expensive chocholate and a card that screams "I love you" after only knowing him for a few weeks, it is really creepy and it is attention I was not ready to recieve from him just yet. We werent even close friends yet, it was very unwarranted. If he just took him time and gave me a chance to warm up to him even more, I most likely would have pursued something though now I'm glad I did not. He made me feel ungodly uncomfortable and still does. I've never felt this way with other guys I've dated.
After I returned the gifts, the assault of text messages was beyond annoying. If someone gets into a super emotional fit over a platonic "friend" not wanting to rush into a relationship, they have some issues that need to be sorted out. I've met guys I've turned down and maturely handled it. A few of them remainedmy friend once they understood nothing was happening and moved on to dating other people. Instead of doing the same, he became even more obsesive and continued to demand my attention.
The only thing he deserves is a reality check, and I plan to give it to him next time he tries somthing. No, I'm not sugar coating it either, I need to get the point across. This entire situation is now starting to aggravate me and I'm going to end it.
I've known many guys like this. He's just happy to have met you.
You went out a few times and he really likes you. However, he is inexperienced. He doesn't understand why you're no longer interested. He's trying to do whatever he can to win you over again.
Guys like this often can't take no for answer because they don't understand what went wrong. You went out a few times and had fun together, so they figure you're backing off because they did something to offend you. So they try harder to win you over.
Write him a letter or email telling him how you feel (but be polite). He needs time to read and reread your decision, and let it sink in.
I like the email idea. Not as an alternative to a direct discussion but as reinforcement. Explain how his behaviour has been obsessive and excessive and how that is not attractive to women. Explain that you are not interested in a relationship but he needs to work on that for the next person. He likely thinks of you every minute of the day and will be hurting and missing you a lot. Only way to overcome that is with zero contact and a little time.
After I returned the gifts, the assault of text messages was beyond annoying. If someone gets into a super emotional fit over a platonic "friend" not wanting to rush into a relationship, they have some issues that need to be sorted out. I've met guys I've turned down and maturely handled it. A few of them remainedmy friend once they understood nothing was happening and moved on to dating other people. Instead of doing the same, he became even more obsesive and continued to demand my attention.
The only thing he deserves is a reality check, and I plan to give it to him next time he tries somthing. No, I'm not sugar coating it either, I need to get the point across. This entire situation is now starting to aggravate me and I'm going to end it.
You don't have to defend yourself to posters here. His actions were creepy and inappropriate - end of story. It sounds like you are handling it great. You are following your gut instincts - I think more people should rely on instincts in situations like this. Too many people try to be nice, protect others feelings, feel obligation due to expensive gifts, etc. Protect yourself - not him. Again, do not go alone anywhere with him. Good that you returned the gifts. The above email idea is a good one.
I can relate to your story because a very similar thing happened to me. I was working with a guy and he started calling, texting constantly. Then escalated to sending me gifts - including the largest box of Godiva I'd ever seen. I returned it and he started getting very aggressive with me, including following me. Luckily, he move to CA so I never saw him again.
The main thing is: always trust your instincts (no one on this forum is in your shoes) and overly protect yourself (better safe than sorry).
Situation hopefully solved. Told him everything up front and did not sugar coat it. No........he did not take it as well as I would have liked him to. I felt kind of ****ty at first, but I feel like a storm cloud was lifted from over my head. Did what had to be done.
I'm just hoping he leaves me be and learns from this.
Met a guy at school. He's really nice, kind, caring and a perfect gentleman. We've gone on a few casual dates and he seemed like a promising guy to link up with, but after a little while started getting really strange and it's rather annoying.
Texts me all the time, get's all worried and anxious when I'm too busy to reply (or don't feel like it), calls me 2-3 times a day (often just to say hi...which is dumb, especially when I'm at class/work/study), feels the need to join every conversation he sees me having with someone on campus, and I'm starting to see he very emotionally needy and needs validation for everything, which is really unattractive to me. He didn't exhibit any of this at first, but now It's really annoying and killing my attraction to him exponentially.
Yesterday morning, after a week of having little to no contact from, I woke up to see chocolate, a new PS3 game I didn't want nor ask for ($60 out of nowhere!!!! Why?!) and a card in my suite lobby. Needless to say, he creeped both me and my roommates out. The feeling simply isn't mutual, I've been making it very clear, yet he persists. I thanked him, but I bluntly let him now that he was going a bit too fast and I just wanted to be friends (honestly, cause he's fun to be around when he isn't acting like this, and I have a lack of nerdy guy friends to play games with). He frantically spent the WHOLE FRIGGIN' DAY apologizing to me in about 20+ texts. I started ignoring him after the tenth.
I can't really avoid him because we live in the same building and it's hard to avoid him in between classes. I'd rather not have to turn into Solid Snake when I'm walking around campus. I'd like to be friends, but I'm afraid he wont get that picture and keep hounding after me. He's a nice guy, but frankly, his attention is really starting to put me off.
Why cant he just accept the fact that I just want to be friends?! What can I do to make him see this?
Where wee you when I was in college? A women dropping solid snake references who you can shop at a gaming store for Christmas, it's too much win.
As for the guy, you probably can't have anymore contact. Or, you have to tell him more frankly than you've written here how annoyed and disgusting you find his behaviour and that he needs to stop it if he wants to ever hang out as friends and never anything more. You gotta be bullet point with these college (most likely trying not to be like it was in high school neglect types).
Met a guy at school. He's really nice, kind, caring and a perfect gentleman. We've gone on a few casual dates and he seemed like a promising guy to link up with, but after a little while started getting really strange and it's rather annoying.
Texts me all the time, get's all worried and anxious when I'm too busy to reply (or don't feel like it), calls me 2-3 times a day (often just to say hi...which is dumb, especially when I'm at class/work/study), feels the need to join every conversation he sees me having with someone on campus, and I'm starting to see he very emotionally needy and needs validation for everything, which is really unattractive to me. He didn't exhibit any of this at first, but now It's really annoying and killing my attraction to him exponentially.
Yesterday morning, after a week of having little to no contact from, I woke up to see chocolate, a new PS3 game I didn't want nor ask for ($60 out of nowhere!!!! Why?!) and a card in my suite lobby. Needless to say, he creeped both me and my roommates out. The feeling simply isn't mutual, I've been making it very clear, yet he persists. I thanked him, but I bluntly let him now that he was going a bit too fast and I just wanted to be friends (honestly, cause he's fun to be around when he isn't acting like this, and I have a lack of nerdy guy friends to play games with). He frantically spent the WHOLE FRIGGIN' DAY apologizing to me in about 20+ texts. I started ignoring him after the tenth.
I can't really avoid him because we live in the same building and it's hard to avoid him in between classes. I'd rather not have to turn into Solid Snake when I'm walking around campus. I'd like to be friends, but I'm afraid he wont get that picture and keep hounding after me. He's a nice guy, but frankly, his attention is really starting to put me off.
Why cant he just accept the fact that I just want to be friends?! What can I do to make him see this?
Wow, reminds me of an experience I had with a woman a while back, only I was the one on the receiving end. It is unsettling. Just couldn't take a hint.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb
From a guy: don't try to be friends with him. Tell him that you're not interested in him romantically, and you don't have time to hang out with him casually as friends. Cut off all contact.
^^^this. You don't need that kind of obsessive drama. Just cut loose.
I've seen it happen to guys too, though not as much. One story involved a former acquantence vanishing for two days over a guy she was madly in love with (after two weeks) but he was only interested in fooling around. Taught me a lesson about taking my time with sex (she didnt) and listening to my emotions first.
Women can be as obsessive as guys, but you never really hear much about it. I'm sure it happens just as much.
Anyway, according to his roommate he did not take it well and is still moping but understands that it's not happening. I'm just hoping he learns and that he doesnt think I was trying to hurt him. I didn't see him around campus at all yesterday or today (I always do and Im not even trying), so I guess that confirms it.
Met a guy at school. He's really nice, kind, caring and a perfect gentleman. We've gone on a few casual dates and he seemed like a promising guy to link up with, but after a little while started getting really strange and it's rather annoying.
Texts me all the time, get's all worried and anxious when I'm too busy to reply (or don't feel like it), calls me 2-3 times a day (often just to say hi...which is dumb, especially when I'm at class/work/study), feels the need to join every conversation he sees me having with someone on campus, and I'm starting to see he very emotionally needy and needs validation for everything, which is really unattractive to me. He didn't exhibit any of this at first, but now It's really annoying and killing my attraction to him exponentially.
Yesterday morning, after a week of having little to no contact from, I woke up to see chocolate, a new PS3 game I didn't want nor ask for ($60 out of nowhere!!!! Why?!) and a card in my suite lobby. Needless to say, he creeped both me and my roommates out. The feeling simply isn't mutual, I've been making it very clear, yet he persists. I thanked him, but I bluntly let him now that he was going a bit too fast and I just wanted to be friends (honestly, cause he's fun to be around when he isn't acting like this, and I have a lack of nerdy guy friends to play games with). He frantically spent the WHOLE FRIGGIN' DAY apologizing to me in about 20+ texts. I started ignoring him after the tenth.
I can't really avoid him because we live in the same building and it's hard to avoid him in between classes. I'd rather not have to turn into Solid Snake when I'm walking around campus. I'd like to be friends, but I'm afraid he wont get that picture and keep hounding after me. He's a nice guy, but frankly, his attention is really starting to put me off.
Why cant he just accept the fact that I just want to be friends?! What can I do to make him see this?
If you don't start distancing yourself from this fella as soon as possible, you might find yourself tied and gagged in the trunk of his car.
The guy seems extra weird, if you ask me.
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